Being Human

The past few days there have been lots of posts about whether or not the N is a true N, whether or not the OW is evil or crazy, guilt for bad decisions (having an affair, answering a call/text/etc and breaking NC), and the desire for closure. There has been speculation about it being because of the holiday season, or because of triggers sent by N's, or friends and family operating without a clue, or because the stars are in alignment. Basically I want to share with my friends on the forum that we screw up because we are human, and we just need to get over the fact that we are not perfect. I understand that we all have the desire to be wonderful at all times, but REALLY, that is impossible. I am speaking from experience, lots and lots of experience, making decisions that are less than logical and enduring consequences that are less than pleasant because of these human errors I have made.

Does it really matter if the N is a N or just a jerk? Does it really matter if the OW is better than, equal to, or from the land of Jerry Springer when compared to you? Does anything the N says, or does, really reflect on you in any way? You cannot get justification, vindication, or closure from someone who has no feelings or morals or shame. Please give yourselves a gift this holiday season, the gift of forgiveness for your own human failings. Count your blessings, you have a heart, you have a moral compass, and you are alive. Be kind and forgive yourself for all your past mistakes, and stop reliving them over and over and over again. You cannot change the past, you can only change the way you think about it.

Another word of advise I have is to start editing your story. When you share an experience with another human, what you are trying to convey is the heart of the matter. All of the minute details about who said what, to whom, and whether your pants burst into flame because of spontaneous combustion or arson, are not important. You were in a relationship with someone who hurt you, and you were fooled into believing things that were not true. You were vulnerable, you made an error in judgement. You believed in love, the other person used the word "love" like a hammer to bludgeon you to death. That experience was not love. The only thing that is important about any of that is that YOU NOW UNDERSTAND IT. You don't have to justify it or explain it to anyone else if you don't want to.

Love yourself and be kind to yourself. Really. Try not to repeat the same mistakes, but if you do, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. Good Luck!!!