Behind the eyes

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#1 Sep 29 - 4AM
Scoop
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Behind the eyes

We have all seen the psychopathic eyes at some point of another , if not duing the relationship on the final D&D the dead stare is something i will always remember and it was one of the most confusing things i ever saw , i remember thinking where has my narc gone and who is this complete stranger infount of me , i dont think anything can prepare you for the persona switch as the relationship dies and the mask comes clean away .

"The eyes are in fact highly fallible indicators of the inner world of others, they are not entirely devoid of information, particularly when the message they convey to others appears inconsistent with the individual's facial expressions and verbal behaviour.

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first" is but one of scores of maxims that could be cited.

A lot of women and men have noted the particular stare of the psychopath - some have even said there is an “almost animalistic attraction” to him.

It is an intense, relentless gaze that seems to preclude his destruction of his victim or target. Women, in particular, have reported this stare, which is related to the "predatorial" (reptilian) gaze; it is as if the psychopath is directing all of his intensity toward you through his eyes, a sensation that one woman reported as a feeling of "being eaten." They tend to invade peoples' space either by their sudden intrusions or intimidating look-overs (which some women confuse for sexuality.)

The Psychopaths stare is very effective during the luring and "honeymoon" phases. Women often mistake it as "being sexy" and for "Sexual Attraction" eye gazing occurs in copious amounts during the "Luring and honeymoon stage" at the beginning of the relationship.

Robert Hare refers to the Psychopath's gaze as "Intense eye contact and piercing eyes" and even suggested people avoid consistant eye contact with them.

"She cries that he hurt her and he literally doesn’t understand her. The psychopath’s blank-faced stare is an indication that the emotional content of her pain has not registered with him"

Cool under pressure with an adroit use of charm and charisma, they intimidate and control others. There is often an intrusion of space and the predatory 'stare'. They have a natural ability to lie and deceive, and have an impressive use of jargon. They are naturals at undermining and pushing the buttons of others.

Trance, Suggestibility & Hypnosis

Trance & hypnosis also factor into the psychopaths modus operandi. You have seen hypnotists on television saying "stare into my eyes"

Trance is associated with "focused Attention"

The Psychopath, like anyone else, can induce trance in others. Just surf the net under “Seduction Techniques” and you will see a hundred web sites teaching men how to use covert hypnotic and Neuro Linguistic Programming techniques to bypass a woman’s cognitive resistance to being “picked up” or “seduced.” If they didn’t work, there wouldn’t be so many men using these techniques. However, psychopath’s are different from these mere seduction students because most psychopaths don’t have to be taught how to use trance states, hypnosis, and suggestion. They are natural’s at these.

Remember going for a ride in the car and how after a while of staring out the window you suddenly arrive at your destination and can't remember the time passing? - That's another example of "trance states"

The psychopath is able to put a woman in a trance state without her realizing it, getting someone focused, or staring into the Psychopaths eyes will do the job easily.

Pacing, rapport, mirroring, speed seduction , hypnotic commands, sleight of mouth expressions, subliminal arousal techniques , and sensual domination as well as allure are all used by the psychopath to induce trance , hypnosis and suggestibility (NLP) to get what they want.

The psychopathic approach includes three phases: the assessment phase, the manipulation phase and the abandonment phase.

Psychopaths are often voluble and verbally facile. They can be amusing and entertaining conversationalists, ready with a clever comeback, and are able to tell unlikely but convincing stories that cast themselves in a good light. They can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming.

Some psychopaths are opportunistic, aggressive predators who will take advantage of almost anyone they meet, while others are more patient, waiting for the perfect, innocent victim to cross their path. In each case, the psychopath is constantly sizing up the potential usefulness of an individual as a source of money, power, sex or influence

Once the psychopath has identified a victim, the manipulation phase begins. During the manipulation phase, a psychopath may create a persona or mask, specifically designed to ‘work’ for his or her target. A psychopath will lie to gain the trust of their victim. A psychopath’s lack of empathy and guilt allows them to lie with ease - “they don’t see the value of telling the truth unless it will help get them what they want

As interaction with you proceeds, the psychopath carefully assesses your persona. Your persona gives the psychopath a picture of the traits and characteristics you value in yourself. Your persona may also reveal, to an astute observer, insecurities or weaknesses you wish to minimize or hide from view. As an ardent student of human behavior, the psychopath will then gently test the inner strengths and needs that are part of your private self and eventually build a personal relationship with you by communicating (through words and deeds)

To further "seal the deal" the psychopath instigates the luring stage, he uses his best listening and communication skills. He wears his "respectful mask" his "loving mask" his "Listening mask" and so on.

You feel he is bonding with you. The attraction and chemistry blows you away , he is paying you so much attention and you feel that you "Seem to connect" this is not because the psychopath wants to bond with you. The psychopath is hoovering information from you in order to further seduce you into believing "He is the one for you" and so he can use the information gleaned from you to use it against you in the future.

Manipulation is the key to the psychopath's conquests. Initially, the psychopath will feign false emotions to create empathy, and many of them study the tricks that can be employed by the empathy technique. Psychopaths are often able to incite pity from people because they seem like "lost souls" as Guggenbuhl-Craig writes. So the pity factor is one reason why victims often fall for these "poor" people.

Psychopaths Attachment

The Psychopath attaches himself only for the desire to be around a "special person" he is "seeking proximity" to be around the woman he desires to control and dominate. It is only through attachments that the psychopath can avoid boredom and gain "The Central Three: Power, Status & Dominance

Another extremely interesting study had to do with the way psychopaths move their hands when they speak. Hand movement can tell researchers a lot about what are called "thought units." The studies indicate that psychopaths' thoughts and ideas are organized into small mental packages. This is handy for lying, but makes dealing with an overall, coherent, integrated complex of deep thoughts virtually impossible.

Psychopaths Attachment

The Psychopathic bond can take place very quickly, sometimes within hours. That means it could happen over coffee, drinks, in a business meeting etc.

The psychopath does NOT bond to his victim emotionally , he doesn't in fact bond at all, but he does "attach" himself to his victim pretty much the way a leech attaches to a body to suck the life blood from them. He is an emotional vampire. He views any social exchange as a "feeding opportunity," a contest or a test of wills in which there can be only one winner. His motives are to manipulate and take, ruthlessly and without remorse.

One psychopath interviewed by Dr Robert Hare's team said quite frankly: "The first thing I do is I size you up. I look for an angle, an edge, figure out what you need and give it to you. Then it's pay-back time, with interest. I tighten the screws." Another psychopath admitted that he never targeted attractive women - he was only interested in those who were insecure and lonely. He claimed he could smell a needy person "the way a pig smells truffles."

They are masters of recognizing "hang-ups" and self-doubts that most people have, and they will brazenly pander to them to gain a follower to use later.

The Psychopath attaches himself only for the desire to be around a "special person" he is "seeking proximity" to be around the woman he desires to control and dominate. It is only through attachments that the psychopath can avoid boredom and gain "The Central Three: Power, Status & Dominance"

Another extremely interesting study had to do with the way psychopaths move their hands when they speak. Hand movement can tell researchers a lot about what are called "thought units." The studies indicate that psychopaths' thoughts and ideas are organized into small mental packages. This is handy for lying, but makes dealing with an overall, coherent, integrated complex of deep thoughts virtually impossible.

Getting Past The Surface Of Things

It is not easy to get beyond the winning smile, the captivating body language, the fast talk of the typical psychopath, all of which blind us to his or her real intentions. Many people find it difficult to deal with the intense, "predatory state" of the psychopath. The fixated stare, is more a prelude to self-gratification and the exercise of power rather than simple interest or empathic caring and women seem to mistake this predatory stare for "sexuality"

I remember being stared down in a pub by a male friend, I felt uncomfortable, and mistook that sign for "sexuality" and "attraction"

Try not to be influenced by "props" it is not easy to get beyond the winning smile, the captivating body lanuage, and the fast talk of the psychopath, all of which blinds us to his or her real intentions.

Some people respond to the emotionless stare of the psychopath with considerable discomfort, almost as if they feel like potential prey in the presence of the predator. Others may be completely overwhelmed and intimidated, perhaps even controlled, with little insight into what is happening to them.

Whatever the psychological meaning of their gaze, it is clear that intense eye contact is an important factor in the ability of some psychopath to manipulate and dominate others.

One of the most effective skills psychopaths use to get the trust of people is their ability to charm them. Some psychopaths lay the charm on too thick, coming across as glib, superficial, and unconvincing. However, the truly talented ones have raised their ability to charm people to that of an art, priding themselves on their ability to present a fictional self to others that is convincing, taken at face value, and difficult to penetrate”. One must always keep in mind that the charm, like manipulation, can be very subtle.

The next time you find yourself dealing with an individual who nonverbal mannerism or gimmicks - riveting eye contact, dramatic hand movements, "stage scenery" , and so on tend to overwhelm you, close your eyes or look away and carefully listen to what the person is saying because the chances are you are talking to a "wolf in sheep's clothing" .. WHLP.

Scoop x

Mar 20 - 7PM
Trumpet girl23
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My eyes are open...

Mar 20 - 4PM
TruthbeginsToday
TruthbeginsToday's picture

I want to say THANK YOU for

Mar 20 - 11AM
talktothehand
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eyes

Mar 20 - 10AM
hope29
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Omg this so relates to me,

Mar 20 - 9AM
Alissa
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bump

Sep 29 - 6PM
Susan32
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The glare

When my former Narc boss threw a fit, he'd command me to look him in the eyes... I didn't want to, but he saw it as a form of control. It was the coldest, most painful glare. I'd be upset, but he wanted me to look into his eyes, which were like a pair of black holes. 5 years of that... and he wonders why I don't want to work for him ever again? The ex-Psych prof was the same way. He'd just stare at me... and it was EMPTY. He had very dark eyes, but when he was angry, they'd be darker. During the final D&D, one of my friends asked, "What was the look in his eyes? What was his facial expression?" An interesting question. I told her that his eyes were... utterly blank. The ex-P would say he wanted me to be like Natasha at the end of "War and Peace",who loses the spark in her eyes, and he'd tell me when he wanted my eyes to light up(!) After the final D&D, it was hard making him have eye contact with me. It tends to unnerve me when my mother's eyes are vacant or just glare. There have been a couple of times recently she has outright mimicked me (BOTH her parents were Narcs)... and it's unnerving. My mother can look downright maniacal... and it's not easy to be around (because my father isn't that way, his eyes aren't vacant)
Sep 29 - 6PM
Littleone
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Wow scoop this was awesome! I

Wow scoop this was awesome! I was wondering why I felt so confused after a handover a few weeks back- now I can see he was using these techniques on me! No wonder. I felt like I was out of control- being trapped and sucked into the labyrinth as Thomas Sheridan would say.
Sep 29 - 5PM
really
really's picture

Wow, this one got me today.

Wow, this one got me today. I thought about it the whole time I was running this morning and all of this afternoon. I remember the cold, dead eyes. I remember the intense eyes that looked like they wanted to F your brains out, but maybe just hated you instead. I actually caught a picture of that once and remember being confused about what the look really was given the moment we were in when I took it. My N was very passive aggressive and sometimes I wondered whether he completely "fit" the disorder because of it. But all the other feelings, motive, actions, and words fit. It wasn't until i just read, "... others are more patient, waiting for the perfect, innocent victim to cross their path" that I realized how his actions supported that method. Someone said once on this site that some Ns are like spiders that just put out their web and take whoever gets caught in it. So funny, because at the time, I thought I was a ballsy woman who was just going after what I wanted - him. Instead, he was setting up test after test after trial after direction after order. Crazy.
Sep 29 - 9AM
Sunafterrain
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I do remember that stare from time to time

but what I remember most and will never forget was the EVIL eyes. Towards the end, when he accused me of hurting his dog. He was bending down towards her and slowly turned his head and his eyes were evil........dead......it scared the living hell out of me. It was immediately intimidating. I'll NEVER forget that!
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
needing2know
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my ex always gave the the

my ex always gave the the EVIL EYE, I swear to you, the night he D&D'd me his eyes were BLACK! they are normally a glass blue, but they were BLACK, it scared me so bad i couldn't really say anything to him , I was paralyzed and just asked him why he had to flush 7 yrs like he said, he just told be with this evil voice "because I have to" They say the eyes are the window to the soul! hmmm so his eyes looking black , pretty much tells me he doesn't have one!
Sep 29 - 9AM
How could I
How could I's picture

Scoop, This is the chapter

Scoop, This is the chapter in the book I have been waiting to read!! Oh my goodness! This is the key for me!!! My eyes are open, the door has just been unlocked and guess who's walking through it? ME!!!!!!!!! :) Thanks you SOOOOO Much!!!! You are fabulous!! Onward and upward! When you know better, you do better, right? Right! Love and hugs to you!
Sep 29 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
Scoop
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How could i , i have a huge

How could i , i have a huge smile on my face that you had such a ligh bulb moment .. its soooo great , keep on pushing through girlfriend ! xxx
Sep 29 - 8AM
freaked
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Great post Scoop! Did not

Great post Scoop! Did not realise it at that time, but i have been through this..else why would a sane, sober, staid girl like me get so drawn to the guy (in the first coffee meet) and get so delighted and thrilled to agree to the marriage even as at least TWO major red flags were wildly fluttering??? You have covered all the possible aspects of how the snaring happens.
Sep 29 - 8AM
StudentOfLife
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This is a VERY interesting

This is a VERY interesting read!! Thanks so much for posting Scoop --- glad you are back!!
Sep 29 - 8AM
Hunter
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The lights are on but no

The lights are on but no body's home!!!!
Sep 29 - 7AM
Sea
Sea's picture

Scientific explanation

Thanks Scoop for posting, it puts some science to all our observations. About the eyes, my exN has such beautiful captivating deep eyes. Hard to imagine no soul inside there. Honestly I an not someone who do alot of direct eye contact n hold it there. My culture sees that as confrontational so thats why I dont feel deeply abt the exN's eyes.
Mar 20 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
sparky
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I never knew his eyes were

Mar 20 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
leslieisback
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sparky

Mar 20 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
sparky
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It seems like when he's in

Mar 21 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
AprilD
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So true!