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barbara, help

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#1 Dec 31 - 9AM
MissM
MissM's picture

barbara, help

i posted yesterday that excop was in the same shop as me yest, just half a mile from where i live.

I know he saw me, headed twds me and tried to get me to look up and notice him. I wanted to so badly but was scared he'd then ignore me or worse.

Just 'seeing' him has set me back months. He lives over 20 miles away and HATES shopping so it was the last place I expected to see him.

I was thrilled, sickened, elated, relieved, terrified..

I want to contact him and am fighting the urge. Ignoring me yet again would finish me. But i'm curious why he wanted to attract my attention.

Help.

Dec 31 - 10AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

He isn't finished with you.

He isn't finished with you. How would he know that you were going to be in that shop unless he was following you? You are in a state where you know inellectually that you should not have contact but some urge inside of you wants to have contact. Some women are interested in dangerous men but you sound like you know what is going on. If he is a cop he can have someone on the force in your town watching you. there was a case in California where a stalking cop got new phone numbers etc from contacts in law enforcement for his victim. Finally someone sent one of her reports to internal affairs in his department and the case put a few people out of their jobs and 2 cops went to jail. Nothing is by accident or co-incidence when it involves professionals like this. someone who lives 20 miles away and just comes into the store you are shopping in doesn't sound accidental: the odds of that happening are high. Catching you by surprise in a public place is much more effective than knocking on your door and having you refuse to open it. He startled you thinking it would give him more control and it sounds like you did the right thing and stayed in NO CONTACT mode. If he is following you pay some attention to your surroundings. Keep a journal or open a file on any contacts with him you might need it in the future. Wolves prowl victims they know are vulnerable. Stay strong he isn't available emotionally and won't do you any good. He should lose interest. Make your new year narcissist free!
Dec 31 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Yes Great Advice

The fact he is a cop makes him all the more powerful and dangerous, no contact is essential to get away from him and let time pass so he can move on to the next victim and leave you alone. Sad but true. I doubt it was ANY TYPE of a coincidence. Very creepy. Hang in there!
Dec 31 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
MissM
MissM's picture

Thanks both of you. I really

Thanks both of you. I really don't think he was following me, if anything it was just luck that he chose to come to my patch and I happened to be there. Actually, he got there before I did. I was the one tried to remain open to contact - i gave up when he was plainly ignoring me. I say 'gave up' like i tried all sorts relentlessy - I didn't, I texted him twice that's all. So in his mind, drawing me back in should be easy without the need for stalking. Maybe he just wanted to exchange hello's, I don't know. I've experienced a true narcissist before him and cop is not like him at all. Cop has a deep disdain and mistrust of women which he acts out. Sadly, I never acted like the mad glen close he was probably hoping for to confirm his beliefs.
Dec 31 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

MissM

HE saw a chance to upset you, freak you out and get the brainwashing he embedded in your brain to click back on... the latter has... no wonder you want to contact him so what would you hope to accomplish by contacting him? let's review the possibilities 1. he will ignore you 2. he will lure you back in for more abuse 3. he will tell everyone you are stalking him/ obsessed with him and now he has proof! (possible frivolous legal action on his part just to harm you?) 4. he is a changed man and will take you back and treat you well Hmm... let me think... 1 through 3 - DEFINITE POSSIBILITIES 4 - Snowball's chance in hell so you want to contact this non-human piece of garbage why???? (find a new place to shop - even if you have to drive 30 mins in the opposite direction) ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 31 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
MissM
MissM's picture

thanks..

True. What would I accomplish? Doubt he'd do legal action stuff. No grounds whatsoever and i'm allowed to shop 2 mins from my house. Plus, I've literally done nothing. It's more the ignoring thing that daunts me. And because he was trying to get my attention, it's totally my nature to reach out. It took a lot for me not to look up. When in doubt do nothing. So i'll do just that.
Dec 31 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

Look at all the stories here

Look at all the stories here about what happens when we contact. Did any end "and they both lived happily ever after.?" Not a one! I hear you already making excuses for him and saying he's not so bad as others. Please dont contact him. Please try all you can. Do anything to distract yourself. Call your therapist, hotline, friends. I gave in a few times. Always seeking the good guy I experienced at the beginning.Remember, mine was the type who would hurt me, then bandage my wounds. So I associate him with love and care. When I get where you are no one will do, only his words telling me everything will be ok. But now, I call everyone and do anything else but. I know how you feel. Please dont contact.
Dec 31 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
MissM
MissM's picture

4joys - I won't, promise. By

4joys - I won't, promise. By the way, his hair has gone very grey...
Dec 31 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

or...

or - he stopped COLORING IT!! LOL ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website