as bad as

Hey

I posted a couple of months ago about a new relationship which was turning sour. Rages and sulks. I left this relationship for a while but then went back.

I keep trying to sort out the rages and trying to be related to normally but it didnt really work and gradually my resolve to leave left me.

The situation has continued of course ... and I have become more and more angry and frustrated myself.

This morning I said to my partner after being ignored and not able to resolve the current issue... I was trying to stop them leaving and I kept trying to sort the problem sort the problem and then I said,,,, I could thump you. We got in the car and I screamed and screamed about how unreasonable they are and now I just feel that I am an abusive person and that my behaviour is as bad as theirs. w

I was so frustrated by someone refusing to listen to me and by someone leaving when all we needed to do was sort it.

And now I am being told its my fault and that I blame my behaviour on them.. which I do ... I do - I am not taking responsibiliyt even by being in the relationship... I have kept hoping that it would get better... and it does for a while and then when I feel secure in it being ok bamm something like this incident comes up...... I made this incident bigger not them .. I did that partly cos I knew they would and partly cos I have taken enough... and my anger is sometimes uncontainable.

I wish I could have been adult and finished it in a calm and reasonable way but instead I behaved badly and let myself down.

Any advice would be so helpful as I am beside myself right now.

thank you toots