BACK TO HATE/ANGER, WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE OVER, HELP

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#1 Jun 27 - 10AM
gratefuljen
gratefuljen's picture

BACK TO HATE/ANGER, WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE OVER, HELP

Five months today the light came on. I feel like I have gone 10 steps back. What the ffffff. I understand murder, blowing his head off. bam, bam, bam.

No ladies no spiritual health from me today. I hate him. I hate him. But, how, do you hate something that is just a shell. An empty pit. How did something that never was,,,,hurt me so badly. My head is spinning again. No cd, my emotions are with my head now, thank god. But it's really hard to wrap my brain around that it never was. The love I felt was the only love in the relationship. Wow....

I have no desire to contact him, but I do have a desire to hurt him, cause him pain, like the pain that he caused me. There has to be a way. How can a person cause such destruction, and just go on to the next.

And the next poor women has no idea. He needs to be branded, On his penis, what he is. Laughing, this is what I needed, I needed to vomit on you guys. Thank you for being here. I want revenge. Not karma, I want sweet revenge. I want to hurt him, emotionally, physically and financially, spiritually.

Come on how can I do it. There has to be a way.

Come on ladies, I need some ideas.

Jen

Jun 27 - 1PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

REVENGE just for you today!

Hope you get a giggle... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwxQwzI37Vc A virtual "spell" It get's better, rant and rave and let it out...my anger was rabid but it does get better and this process goes up and down it's just part of the deal. Hugs!
Jun 27 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
spinning
spinning's picture

Michele you warrior woman,

BETTY LA LUNA ROCKS BIG TIME!!!! Love it, love it, love it. The power of the vibes...virtual spell...keep putting it out there, girlfriend! You are awesome!!! Thanks for the uplifting thoughts about the disordered ones!!!! I think we should all focus on this for their futures!!!! Love and peace to you and all who stop here from, (not) spinning. NEVER EVER AGAIN!!!

spinning

Jun 27 - 12PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

gratefuljen

I'm glad we don't live close to each other because I'm pretty sure we would end up in JAIL! I am feeling the exact same way. I have fantasies of dump trucks running over him, buses, heards of cows, tractors and anything else that would smash him into a puddle. I also have a strong fantasy about me with a baseball bat and him tied to a chair! HAA!! Yesterday I was driving home on a 2 hour drive and I drove myself insane thinking of all kinds of things I could do! I finally stopped myself because I felt like I was going insane. I'm wearing myself out! Everybody keeps saying God will take care of him or Karma will take care of him. Me, God and Karma are NOT working on the same schedule! I want to see something NOW! Maybe we could hold them down and get tattoos on their penis. That would be hysterical! Feel free to vomit on us anytime! I do it often!
Jun 27 - 11AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Jen, this is a

great start! Love it! It's better than crying and moping around depressed... ...I, too, spent many hours on revenge fantasies. I pondered great plans (I'm pretty smart and can be as clandestine as they come if necessary). I posted here asking for advice with regard to one plan that would be subtle but deadly to the disordered one who was/is conning a new, wealthy family source of supply. Of course the really smart ladies and gents here discouraged any such act as it would be supply. Even negative supply is supply and I wouldn't give the SICK TWISTED MF'er one more ounce. He'll never know the hours I lamented and anguished and plotted and planned. As it turns out, I didn't have to lift a finger. He is dead to me now and I KNOW with everything that I am that I was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN HIS SORRY ASS LIFE and the mere fact that he WILL NEVER HAVE ME AGAIN is revenge enough. I know this isn't what you want to hear, sweet Jen. But I also think your anger is good. It is your friend. He deserves every ounce of it until it's OUT and you couldn't care less. I look forward to the day we all get there. Peace and love and clarity to you and to all who stop here from, (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO ANY LONGER. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. THE SICK FREAK IS DEAD. NEVER REALLY EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

spinning

Jun 27 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
gratefuljen
gratefuljen's picture

Spinning

How long until I don't give a flying flip, I don't want to feel anything, not anger, sadness, depression. I WANT THE WHOLE THING TO BE OVER. PERIOD END OF STORY. How long? Jen
Jun 27 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
spinning
spinning's picture

Sweet Jen, I surely

wish I could tell you. I'm still not quite there yet. I'm getting closer, though. I realize it. I feel it. The other day I realized I did not hate him. That was pretty huge. I feel like it's a step (albiet inch by inch) toward the coveted "indifference." I'm eight months out (almost) and do realize that when I am no longer interested in my pain I'll be done. My pain has been worth examining. I discovered that much of it isn't even attached to the disordered one. He must have seen it deep down inside me and he manipulated it to the surface. My pain is becoming tedious to hang onto, though. I don't want it to cloud my path any more so I know I've got to get to the bottom of it and let it go... I'm getting closer, I believe. I'm almost there... Jen, I know it's a process and remember feeling just like you feel right now just wanting it to be OVER and OUT. Now I'm not so bothered by it. I know the time is coming because I continue to work on letting go. The sick freaks deserve nothing more... Love to you and to all who stop here from, (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO EVER AGAIN! In the meantime, pat yourself on the back for getting this far.

spinning

Jun 27 - 11AM
dabussard
dabussard's picture

lol

Gratfuljen, I love the Branding Idea! Lets take our Narcs and get slime ball tattos on their penis'. I have thought the same thing, the poor next girl that ends up with mine.. What I really want to brand mine with is the word "jacknut". lol... I am with you, I go from crying, to hate, to just being plain glad to be away from him.. Hang in there!!