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back to the girlfriend

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#1 Jul 7 - 9PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

back to the girlfriend

yes I do believe he has a "steady eddie", he is 54 and never married, I keep thinking she is the love of his life, ok ok I know thats not true but it feels that way to me, he says she lives with him but still has her own home, (that is weird huh) he just built a half a million dollar home (pretty good for a town sheriff huh?) maybe its a prop too who knows. The home exists because I have seen it built. I dont think she is a girlfriend but more a victim and he probably has her trained thru the years right where he wants her, she has probably given years of her life devoted to this man and look what he does behind her back, although he tried to convince me once to come up and visit them and we three would have a good time, hey maybe she is into that sort of thing but my counselor thought it was all lies and he would set up some stooge woman for the romp, I think he has LOTS of girlfriends but one he uses to take to the policemans ball for show and so he appears normal is my guess. I just need to RUN RUN RUN and never look back, he has nothing to offer me (oh ya that half a million dollar home forgot about that gee guess its my loss ha ha) - as my counselor said, would you really like to be that girlfriend, look what he does behind her back, he doesnt love either one of you and isnt capable of a healthy relationship with anyone, I know I will be better putting this all behind me but the healing process is hard and maybe we are better off not knowing the truth in the end

Jul 11 - 2PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Some years ago there was a

Some years ago there was a news story about a very prominent woman who was the director of a very fancy eastern girls school. She met her dream man in a famous physician who was a big society figure. they romanced for years and he kept promising to marry her and then breaking the promise. One night she snapped, drove to his house, and shot him dead. She lived in prison for years and was released a few years ago, broken, old, and lost. Your counsellor gave you good advice- no matter how that hook is baited don't fish in that particular sheriff's pond. law enforcement people have many ways of stalking and controlling their victims maybe that is why the 'other woman' is so available-she has no choice.If You go to his town alone and don't know what the score really is I think you could be in physical danger.
Jul 11 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Carolyn

You're talking about Jean Harris. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,921862-2,00.html
Jul 8 - 6AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Cynthia

Barbara and your counselor are right. You are so much better off without this man. 54 and never married. This guy is your typical somatic (sexual) narcissist. Lots of girlfriends and I feel sorry for all of them. It's going to hurt for awhile, but be grateful you're getting out now, rather than later. Stay strong. Big Hugs, Lisa
Jul 7 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

RUN SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!! 54 and never married? Never in a long term relationship??? RUN BABY RUN... don't even try to figure it out. NO CONTACT!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 8 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Question on this Barbara

Barbara, This really caught my attention. Mine is 52 and never married. I was his longest relationship (and I knew him for a long time before we got together as a "weekend party friend" with a group of us when I was in my 20s) We knew he was odd and had a lot of anxiety attacks but wrote it off to being an artistic personality, blah blah blah. In the 7 years I knew him in Los Angeles, he never had a girlfriend. Prior to meeting him, (and this was verifiable) he had approximately 3 girlfriends from his 20s to his 30s each relationship lasting about 2 years at most and all ended with some kind of chaos. I know what the basic issues were, but won't go into all of that. However, of course chaotic. I was with him for 8 years and he spoke of marriage a couple times early on over the phone after a few beers (not a big drinker either). Would say things like "Baby, let's get married." I would say, "talk to me when you haven't had any beer". My mom used to say, "Do it!" But my instinct always said... not a good plan. I was right of course thank god I had that much sense. Always thought that if I actually married him the control would get worse. I guess 8 years is not unusual for a relationship with an N given what else has been talked about on here... but the clear lack of actual committment is always present. Mine bought a house with me, but never changed his address on his drivers license from his mother's address or changed his car tags from Ohio to Indy. That kind of stuff. It was the topic of many an argument to which he always gave me some kind of stupid excuse like, it cost money. WTF???!!! And I would end up letting it go thinking I should "pick my battles." Anyway... I digress into other things... the point of my question is do you really think that because a man is of a certain age and never married says something clearly about him? This is for my future reference should I ever reach a point where I even think about getting involved with somebody again. Right now... it turns my stomach at the very thought.
Jul 8 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
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finallydone

I am 52 myself. If a man is that age and has: - never married or long-term living together, and he's not gay... something's amiss. - never lived on his own for more than a few months at a time. (always with a g'friend, parent, relative) - never held down a job for more than 3 - 5 years at a time - no REAL friends I am not a doctor, but any of those things would at least send my LOOK OUT radar up. WAY up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 8 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Gotcha

Yes... that makes sense. I ignored everything to pursue this. Thanks for thoughts.
Jul 8 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Both Ns, never married

Finallydone, BOTH of my ex Ns were in their early to mid 40s and never married. After both of these experiences, I will NEVER date another guy who has reached middle age and never been married. HUGE red flag in my book. They always have some excuse (typical one is "I'm picky and haven't found the right woman yet") but that's BS. I think it's code for "no woman would have me." And then the question is why? Look at their prior relationships (peel away the layers of what they tell you...it's always lingering there), if prior relationships ended badly, if they say prior girlfriends were "unstable" (code, they destabilized them!). I agree with Barbara too, if they don't have real friends and job hop/relocate a lot--run!!