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Back to day 1 :(

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#1 Feb 8 - 4AM
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Back to day 1 :(

So this is day 1.

Everyone who has been following my story will know that I got hoovered back in when he threatened to tell hub. He is virtually blackmailing me to meet him tonight as he is in my town.

I am not going. I feel sick inside but I am not going.

I hate this cog diss..why do I miss him when he has been so awful.

Honesty here I was tempted to go. My friend has begged me not to..she thinks he will physically hurt me. I am a real mess and am trying to get in with Goldie if she can fit me in.

Feb 8 - 5AM
midnight7
midnight7's picture

You don't 'miss' the N, you

You don't 'miss' the N, you are an addict who misses a hit of your drug of choice. Ns set up an addictive dynamic with their prey. Or you can think of it as a conditioned lab rat scenario. If you think of it in these terms it loses the fantasy element quickly. Refer to your list of all the awful things he's said/done. I remember you had concerns a list may be discovered but you don't need to keep it. You can produce a Word document, type the list, read over and not save and then repeat this action as often as necessary. NC = sanity/peace/self respect. The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships: p.199-200 of the link below mentions lab rats who keep returning again and again to a box that's familiar but gives them an electric shock (the N) when faced with stress from an unfamiliar source (freedom). http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=pEdMu4JVsc8C&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false Giving Narcissists a Second Chance: Sam Vaknin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKClN8rnj4o Why Victims of Narcissists Can't Let Go the Narcissist? Sam Vaknin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgQrllDie10&feature=related Victim of Narcissist: Move On! Sam Vaknin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaVn5IPlUvo&feature=related
Feb 8 - 5AM (Reply to #2)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Midnight

Thanks for those posts, looked at so many its hard to pinpoint the 'good ones' to refresh memory. My mind knows he is a horrible man and if I met him tonight I would likely come away marked..bruises/bites. But it just feels like withdrawal..its so fucked up!
Feb 8 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Onwards girls

I have had another 1 to 1 with Goldie and feeling a lot more focused, thanks everyone for your posts and support on my topics ..and thank you Goldie x