Bachelorette?

18 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jul 5 - 9PM
broken23
broken23's picture

Bachelorette?

Did you guys see the interview with jake/vienna?

oh boy. i dont love vienna but i feel like jake is such a fake!
so many things we have discussed on this board

- his anger
- how he talks down at her
- how he stays quiet/in control so she ends up looking like the crazy one
- when she asks him to give examples he doesnt have it, where as her stories consists of facts about her dog, the drawer, the gps

i think she is sensitive but the fact she kept saying i know the real him and how he withdrew affection and that he wants someone who will just agree with everything...was a little all too familiar!

Thoughts?

Jul 7 - 11AM
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Narc radar went off during his season

I saw the interview the other night too. And it put all my trepidation in perspective about him during the season even before he selected Vienna. I watched from the beginning and kept getting the "sense" that he was a narc. Yet, I couldn't quite figure out why I felt/thought that. Something about his word choices, his physical presence and stance, his seemingly fake displays of emotion and even selecting Vienna in the end. Choosing between Vienna and Tenley seemeed like the classic Madonna/whore choice. Not that Vienna's a whore, just the more obviously sexy and seductive of the two. He chose the sexy one but then when real life set in, he expected her to be the sweet little madonna that would cater to all his needs without question (or having needs of her own). So, bottom line is, I'm feeling like all of the knowledge we've learned about Ns and NPD is paying off. Just watching a guy on TV raised my antenna big time. Hopefully, our radars will help us down the road as we go along and meet other men.
Jul 7 - 5PM (Reply to #16)
broken23
broken23's picture

ghostbuster youre right the

ghostbuster youre right the season before. i was like wow is he really that perfect and upright. i bet tinley is thinking thank god i dodged that! i dont understand though - if they can get a sweet girl who will put up with their bs...why not go with her. why try to manipulate the intelligent outgoing girl. i think this really goes to they like our traits and then take them from us. ive yet to read anyones story who says they were unambitious, quiet, shy girl before the narc. it seems as if we were all intelligent, social personalities
Jul 7 - 5PM (Reply to #17)
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

I think it's because super

I think it's because super sweet girls aren't much of a challenge for them. I remember one of my Ns used to tell me how much he appreciated my kindness and understanding (when he was trying to con me and manipulate) and then on a dime he tells me one day "But I like bitchy and edgy." I was like "HUH?" And the shy, unaccomplished, doormat type of woman doesn't prop up his image or look good on his arm to the outside world. I think that's why Jake couldn't find the "passion" for Tenley. Too sweet and demure. Plus, it's no fun to take down someone they already view as low and useless. Much more fun to derail someone who's got it all together. Power trip!
Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Ghostbuster

Great point: "Choosing between Vienna and Tenley seemeed like the classic Madonna/whore choice. Not that Vienna's a whore, just the more obviously sexy and seductive of the two. He chose the sexy one but then when real life set in, he expected her to be the sweet little madonna that would cater to all his needs without question (or having needs of her own)." This is such a great point, Ghostbuster. I think the time we spend educating ourselves is definitely worth it so we can avoid these type of people in the future!
Jul 7 - 1AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

broken23

You are so right on about this. I recorded it and just finished watching it. OMG, talk about raging narcissist. Jake was so controlling, manipulative, condescending and smug. Totally different guy from when he was courting Vienna on the show. What an actor! Vienna said, once they settled down, he spent no time with her and wouldn't even touch her. She said that he would come home from a long day at work and instead of sitting with her, he would get onto his Twitter account and tweet away.
Jul 7 - 4AM (Reply to #13)
Steph
Steph's picture

I just watched it tonight.

I just watched it tonight. He makes me feel sick. He is so fake. Definate narc!
Jul 7 - 1AM (Reply to #11)
broken23
broken23's picture

Lisa so wierd, i kept

Lisa so wierd, i kept dreaming about it, and that we invited vienna to this board. lol! i just felt for her...when she said, i just want the truth to be known about him. and the way he stayed so calm cool and connected and then just lashed out on national tv scolding her. can you imagine behind closed doors? and he even fought like a child. i broke up with you, i did fly this weekend. you know those people that carry around a magnetic detector at the beach...i feel like i have a narc/asshole detector build inside me now. it just kept going beep beep beep everytime jake opened his mouth!
Jul 7 - 2AM (Reply to #12)
Kelly
Kelly's picture

Beep beep beep

Ahahaha I love it! Narcissist detector! I just got through watching! How SMUG! Such a narcissist!!! I didn't watch that season of the Bachelor, but man! I believe Vienna! I loved that she clearly stated that he wants a woman with no self respect who will keep her mouth shut and do as he says. Glad she got out of that one and said her piece. It doesn't even matter that she went to the tabloids first! Good for her if she at least got some money out of it and for sure he would have gone to the tabloids. The way he lost his temper and shouted at her while she was crying on national television! So perfect! He showed his true colors to the world! He had no compassion! If you care about a woman you wanted to marry - as she sits there crying - you are accusing her of having flings with absolutely no evidence, you tell her you are "disgusted" and then you shout at her on national television - - you are the devil! A caring guy would have said "I'm sorry" at the very least. She left with her head high. What a sleaze . . .
Jul 6 - 12AM
Steph
Steph's picture

i'm bummed i missed the

i'm bummed i missed the interview! maybe i can download it. i din't watch his "bachelor" season....only saw him when he was on the bachelorette with jillian. i'd be curious to see. his smug, arrogant smile and phoniness remind me of my x. puke
Jul 5 - 10PM
marriedtoanarcissist
marriedtoanarcissist's picture

I completely agree. As soon

I completely agree. As soon as I saw the episode, I thought immediately that Jake is a narcissist. Although my screen name is "marriedtoanarcissist", we are now separated and seeing the interview with Jake reminded me why I left my ex. I think Vienna feels as I did, as though she has no voice - a terrible place to be.
Jul 5 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
broken23
broken23's picture

i agree. Even when the

i agree. Even when the producer kept asking why she went into such detail...she was saying how she wanted people to know the truth. something we all are aching for being heard after our Ns!
Jul 5 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
broken23
broken23's picture

i agree. Even when the

i agree. Even when the producer kept asking why she went into such detail...she was saying how she wanted people to know the truth. something we all are aching for being heard after our Ns!
Jul 5 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Narc, narc ,narc, narc

Narc, narc ,narc, narc naaaaaarrrrccc!! :) He wanted to keep her LA, (isolation). He refused affection and intimacy with her. Ignored her and her parents and was on the phone while he was down there visiting. No compassion for her dog. She tried to break-up with him twice and each time he told her he'd change. He was emotionally abusive on the show! What a piece of work, he is! You can tell Vienna is genuinely upset, even if she is a little spoiled. If you think about it though, out of all the girls from that season, she was the most outspoken and extroverted. He passed up the really sweet, demure and passive one.
Jul 7 - 2AM (Reply to #5)
Kelly
Kelly's picture

I think it's the challenge

I really think that's probably why they go for women who are independent, opinionated and strong. They would rather tame us than be with someone who poses no challenge. It's all the game . . . It's about control. I'm sure he was turned on by her at first. The second he brought her home . . . no more challenge. She took off the ring twice - - Like removing the leash! He promised he would change - - she came back - - These guys are so predictable! It's robotic!
Jul 7 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Errrrggghhh....I watched it

Errrrggghhh....I watched it again last night, just so I could really study him and listen to hat he was saying. When he talked about what he liked about her, he said that she was "Supportive....at the time, had a quick wit, compassionate and she challenged him". Then he goes on to say that the reason he lost interest, (after 1 month?!!), was because she constantly underminded him and emasculated him. So essentially, the very thing that he loved about her became his biggest complaint, which is how it is with them. NEVER happy! I'm keeping this episode, just for future reference. It might be a TV show, but it is the most real life evidence, beside the N himself, of what to watch for.
Jul 7 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

I know!

He is such a raging narcissist. I found it very interesting what he said he liked about her in the beginning as well, Neveragain. "She challenged me" he said. See, the chase turns them on, but once they have conquered and you settle down with them, their true colors come out and they become controlling, belittling, critical and mean. This is exactly what happened between them. The sad thing is she probably doesn't realize what or why the sudden change occured. So...I sent her a note via FB. Broken, you were right when you were dreaming we invited her to this forum because I did. Just last night, I sent her a link to this site. She's on FB if anyone else wants to reach out to her and send her a link. I think she needs support right now and it would help her to understand what she just went through. Her name is Vienna Girardi if you want to look her up on FB.
Jul 6 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Interesting

I can't wait to watch last night's episode and interview. I was traveling and returned home very late, but plan on watching it tonight!