Assistance please....

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#1 Jun 1 - 8PM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Assistance please....

I have a dilemna...

I was contacted today by a female who needs information regarding my XN. Aparently she found a box at his home with the "love letters (bs) crap" he used to write me. He was keeping them for me when we were together because I had to move a couple of times and didn't want to loose them. When we split up, I did not claim them back as they were no longer of value to me.

Conerns:
1. Not sure what she wants but I'm pretty sure she is not familiar with this mental illness and will think that I'm just bitter about him leaving me.

2. I do not know how Narcs react when exposed and my interaction with my XN is very neutral right now which is good for me.

Not sure I want to deal with "their" issue...should I reply to her email?

Jun 2 - 8AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i'd reply

and ske her what promped her emailing me.....in a nice way......i'm betting too that she's seen something in him that is freaking her out and is seeking some outside validation while he's busting ass to INVALIDATE her...... personally...i think despite any discomfort it might cause us...that we owe it to the world to unmask them....and spread the word....... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
Jun 1 - 9PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Introspection,,,how long

How long have you been out of the relationship with XN....
Jun 1 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Hello Amazed

Three years. I'm doing very well and do not want to open any wounds...
Jun 1 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Introspection

my bet - HE'S SAID OR WRITTEN THE SAME EXACT THINGS TO HER and she's FREAKING OUT respond and simply say "I no longer want them so please dispose of them at your convenience. Unless there is something specific about them you need to discuss with me. Best of luck - Introspection" That should do it. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 1 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Barbara...

I like your recommendation and just as a follow-up in case she asks to meet me; I should not discuss his mental illness and keep it specific?
Jun 2 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Introspection

before you meet her ask her to be specific about what she wants to talk about if/when you do LET HER BRING UP THE Personality Disorder. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 2 - 2AM (Reply to #5)
azucar
azucar's picture

I would reccomend not talking to her, especially not meeting her

What happens if he finds out? I would reccomend not giving him any kind of opportunity to confront you with accustations of meddling in his life. Also she needs to figure out the truth for herself, if she has any questions about letters she finds in HIS place she can ask him, since they are the ones in the the relationship now. He may then be exposed for what he is, and if she is ready to see it maybe she will even leave him. But you can't be emotionally invested in her choices, as sad as it is to see another woman going through the same pain you did. From what reading I have read online, outing them as N's never really seems to help a situation, most people can't understand or accept it, until they are faced with overwhelming evidence of thier mental disorder. Heck, I didnt believe it when a well meaning girlfriend actually told me she thought my XN was one (she had been married to an N for 9 years and my XN set off all sorts of red flags for her), because I had to figure it out for myself. I say keep it simple and say, "Those are old letters, and it's over. If you have any questions, please talk to XN about it". hope that helps? Like you said, it best to just keep your contact with him professional.