Ashamed of myself

I've been having a really bad few days...I stupidly broke NC on saturday. I was doing so well. I was having a very low moment and crumbled. I'm not sure what outcome I was looking for but I certainly didn't get it. Everything everyone warned me about happened, contact really does = pain!
I'm so angry with myself and all I've done is go back to square one.

I apologised for getting angry with him, he said he didn't mean to upset me but my texts made him realise he didn't want to be with me. All the self-doubt and what ifs are back. I was starting to get stronger and now I'm a mess again.

I know that was an excuse, I could read the signs that the d&d was on its way before I sent those texts.

I don't know for a fact that he's met anyone else but that was the reason he left last time. He only came back because it didn't work out with her. I guess its the same this time and the thought is destroying me making me feel like I'm not good enough.

The thoughts that are most worrying me are that I keep thinking to myself that if I can just get him back once more I can make him want me again. The degrading bit is I mean get him in to bed again.

I never in a million years would think I could degrade myself like that but yet here I am and I can't get those thoughts out of my head.

Do I have serious issues here??

I know I've let myself down, I won't be breaking NC again but I don't know how I'm ever going to get past these feelings of being desperate for him to want me again.
I don't want him to be with anyone else.