are they OBSESSIVE??

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#1 Jul 29 - 11AM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

are they OBSESSIVE??

Are narcassists by nature anxious and obsessive?
Anyone????

I seem to be in his thoughts always. Yes I shouldnt care, but Im curious as to if its part of there issue.

He is always talking about me to people, WAS..planning things for "our" fake future.(altho im not his gf REMEMBER)
Also he is obsessed with music/lyrics and applies "our" relationship to everything. Altho I have been on the no contact train....these are all things he use to do and still does...apparently.

He was big on the .... " I was gonna".....I was gonna, buy you a movie today, a book, a tshirt etcetc. I was gonna, wash your car, cut your grass etc etc etc........but then...blahblahblah.

Also now and before, he always has a reason for calling...he wants me to look at something, needs to tell me something.......I was just calling because.....all very obsessive.

AND I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY....NO...NO....ITS HIM! THEY ARE OBSESSIVE...

LADIES.....YES??????

Jul 30 - 8AM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

I knew it!!!

Come to think of it, mine kept track of my cycle as well. Mine also tells me, that we are soulmates and he's confident, that even tho right now hes not ready to "settle" down, when he is I will be there cuz we are meant to be..... lol! Ya right, or if and when I get "another" bf...he will be so happy for me. As long as im happy.... lol! They are the most jealous, insecure people on the planet. Mine doesnt have a steady job and is honestly not successful AT ALL. So could you imagine when I do move on and meet someone with status...he will go nuts and spiral down further. Im not gonna pretend that doesnt make me a little happy!!!!
Jul 30 - 8AM (Reply to #15)
Marie
Marie's picture

Whatever

They are all nuts. Mine still thinks or pretends to think things ended because neither of us are in a good place in our lives. I was doing ok until he entered and screwed it all up! He's given me that speech too that if I found someone else or finally worked things out with my ex he'd be happy for me. Yeah right! Anytime my ex comes over I get a phone call or visit. They are all just full of it and can't stand to lose control. Mine is in and out of work as well. He always gets accused of stealing for some reason he can't figure out. A big braggart that's smarter and better at any job but nothing to show for it. Just a loser. His crash is coming. The cycle thing is weird. He mentioned it months after we stopped being together. I just found it creepy.
Jul 30 - 9AM (Reply to #16)
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

WOW Marie! so similar...

Im in a great place as well, and then there HIM! They cant handle being second, especially if your with someone who has REAL feelings and WANTS to take care of you, then then become OBSESSED with finding ways to bring you back.... the first time I left he went into depression and spun his wheels trying to get me back. He acted like he didnt care for a while, then it kicked in and he went nuts!!! Now he is trying all over again.....I think some of us just have to get to the ENOUGH ALREADY point. Im getting there its not easy but I will get there!
Jul 29 - 8PM
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Elementary Dear Watson!

are they OBSESSIVE?? Of course the answer is yes and in a monasteries ways! My ex was obsessive with finding her “Soul Mate” and would tell me time and time again how she needed to find him. But of course she made sure that I knew I wasn’t it! Thank You God!! A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 or more of the following: (number 2) “Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.” http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/?zx=602e91c12181099b
Jul 29 - 1PM
Marie
Marie's picture

Absolutely!

Yes he is absolutely obsessive and a sick obsessive. He has actually kept track of my cycle (sick!!!!) I know this because he stopped by the house before NC and asked how I was feeling being that it was the 6th. He has also stopped by on anniversaries ie birthday, birthday of dead parents, death date of my parents. Why? Why keep track of this stuff? It's sick. He also kept track of me online. This I know because before I blocked he would sign on exactly 5min after me anytime I signed on. Once or twice a coincidence but everyday even if I went on at varying hours. So I blocked him. Then there were the emails. For a month everyday he'd send the same email an hour apart. Before NC when he'd call if I didn't answer would call three times 20 min apart; if I still didn't answer the next thing he'd be at my door. He has millions of excuses to call. Once he saw my sister at our parent's grave, he wondered if anything was wrong. Or he'd claim to have missed a call with a private number so thought it was me. If he drove passed and saw a "strange" car in my driveway, heard that I was sick... a never ending list. But now silence is golden though I have a bad feeling that won't last forever.
Jul 29 - 12PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Yes . My ns was obsessive

Yes . My ns was obsessive ,he would get a thought or a plan and run with it for days not being able to sleep for having to write it all down . It stands to reason he will be obsessive about you , how to get your attention how to get his energy suply back . You are experencing him calling you, emailing you, all of that . but its not for you he is doing it , its for himself , but you know that . God i wish my ns would all of a sudden become normal , there is an eveil man running around in this would that not only abused my ns as a child that man abused me to by proxy . My ex is damaged and i cant fix him , he was damaged way before i came along but i still feel so helpless . Im into 5 weeks no contact and im crying more now than ever , i have never cryed like this before , its coming from the pit of my stomach and it just doesnt stop . I think why i feel werse now is becuse it is sinking it it really is over , he is sick and he is never going to change .Before the fog lifted i thought maybe i was wrong about him and he will come back and the sun will shine again , but he isnt and it wont . How the fuck did i get into this situation . Im going drumming tonight and i have been crying all day , i look a fright which no makeup will fix , but it doesnt matter . normaly i love the summer hoildays i get 6 weeks off but i wish i was at work it would take my mind of things . Sorry Whatever 2009 my intentions was to try and lift you up with an inspiring word . but its not happening today . Peru x
Jul 29 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
April (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

sun does shine again

He seemed to be more obseessive than I was. :) Well, actually he just mentally noted and recorded information. He was EXTREMELY observent, but I think he did it as a way of maintaining control. Nothing was going to slip by him! He remembered my cycle too, and my favorite flower, and my style in clothes, etc...This was all pulled out at necessary points to keep HIS supply coming. He was always going to do things. Just wait until he does blah blah blah, then we will be together. Can't wait until we have that baby, take that trip, plan that party, etc. All of those were things I desperately wanted and he knew it. Ya, he remembered EVERYTHING. He brought it up when he needed to to keep me on the hook. It all seemed thoughtful and attentive at the time, but so many f***IN promises unmet. Over and over and over. He obssessed about how to keep me in constant adoration of him. That's it. He has better suppliers right now and poof, he vanished. So sorry Peru. I have been there. At the end of mine, I spent my spare time crying. Deep down pain in the pit of my core. I couldn't cry enough. I was traveling for my job and I would be on the road crying so hard I couldn't see the road. Have so been there. My world was gray and dark without him, but my world was crumbling with him too. I felt I couldn't go on living, but you know what, I did. I wasn't necessarily thriving, but I did survive. I went into protective mode and spent many a nights at home with a cup of hot tea on the couch curled up in a little ball. I watched a lot of comedies, not romantic ones. I wish I had found the site sooner, but I guess I found it when I was ready. I vascilated for a long time from acceptance to downright disbelief. I thought he would magically come back with some sort of explanation and it would all be okay. These types of things could not be happening to me! I can say now, that I don't fully regret it. I regret the pain and heartache I went through. I regret that he is who he is, but I don't regret the love that flowed from me. I learned many things about myself. I admit all of them weren't favorable, but some of them really were. I loved deeply and unconditionally. What a gift. I am committed, kind hearted, free spirited, and loving. And you are too. I learned the depth of this all through the experience of being with him. Even when the veil was lifted, it didn't change who I was or the type of love that I have to give, it simply changed the experience. It meant that the love I had to offer was not recieved and certainly not given in return. It didn't taint or flaw me and my value in any way and neither does it you. You are still wonderful you. Always were. Don't worry about your makeup or anything else you don't have the energy for. Just do what you can when you can. Go drumming and put all of the dark energy into that circle. I focused on releasing, releasing his spell and dark energy I was carrying around as a result. You are pure and whole, you just need to remember that. He didn't taint you or ruin you for life. He doesn't have that kind of power. The sun does shine again, you just have to heal your heart enough to see that it never stopped. Big hug and blessings. - April
Jul 29 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
tina
tina's picture

sun does shine again :)

Oh April! How I love the way you express yourself. What a gift. Thank you so much for your words for I too went through much of what you have but I do not have the talent of putting it into words as you do. "I spent my spare time crying. Deep down pain in the pit of my core. I couldn't cry enough. I was traveling for my job and I would be on the road crying so hard I couldn't see the road. Have so been there. My world was gray and dark without him, but my world was crumbling with him too. I felt I couldn't go on living, but you know what, I did. I wasn't necessarily thriving, but I did survive. I went into protective mode and spent many a nights at home with a cup of hot tea on the couch curled up in a little ball." "I can say now, that I don't fully regret it. I regret the pain and heartache I went through. I regret that he is who he is, but I don't regret the love that flowed from me. I learned many things about myself. I admit all of them weren't favorable, but some of them really were. I loved deeply and unconditionally. What a gift. I am committed, kind hearted, free spirited, and loving." Thank you again April. Love & hugs
Jul 29 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

To Whom it May Concern

Whenever I read about how someone is grieving and going through emotional pain. It is always a great encouragement to me. Why? Because it tell me that something was real in that relationship albeit love or an emotional connection. And if that was real then you the writer are real. Nothing fake there for it was very real for you the victim. Yes, we do miss that which is lost that’s just part of being a real person who has real strong emotional feeling and the ability to bond. And if you had it once then you will go on and have it again whenever you are ready too. What hurts me personally is how they don’t go through this process in grief and lost. They do feel other stresses in their life’s, but it’s again all about them. No real sharing no real sense of lost of a person, no like Lisa’s book it really “It's All about Him”.. If my abuser gave me nothing more then this, she did give me the ability to love and acknowledgement that which is in myself. Love...
Jul 29 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
Marie
Marie's picture

James

So true. If nothing else from the experience I did learn so much about myself that even at 46 I'd either forgotten or just realizing.
Jul 29 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
grossot
grossot's picture

I agree with James

2 women have come to me in total despair over their N in the past 7 months that I've been dealing with the reality of Him. I can't tell you how good it feels to assist these women. My experience and the research I've been able to possess has helped them and I'm elated about that! You are so right. They help me too! I don't know what I'd do without this site. Peru Honey I'm so sorry. http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/07/28/life-pursuing-your-dreams-after-narcissist Please listen to this. Think about the fact that life can now begin for you. YOu will not be held back by this man! We won't let you! Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jul 29 - 11PM (Reply to #10)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Passion

One thing brought out with the latest on Lisa’s talkradio was how the guest speaker talked about finding one’s passion. It’s this passion within one’s self that each one of us will need to aid us in our healing and personal growth. The guest speaker goes on to state how it’s will be different for each of us concerning that passion but how important each of you will find this passion in yourself. So for each member please find that passion then embrace it and follow your dreams. I can say this will utmost sincerity that our hope and dreams of out there waiting to embrace us! I only wish I could say this for our counterparts for this passion will never happen for them. For remember they are not only dead to us but they are also dead to themselves. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Marie
Marie's picture

Peru

HUGS to you. It will get better, I was once in your spot exactly one year ago. This is when my N cut me off. I cried just like you it seemed I fell into a bottomless pit. NC hurt so much I understand exactly what you are going through and wish I could do something to make it better for you. The reality is hard to face when it becomes obvious. You have to remember that you can't fix him and if he does come back he has not and will not change. It may seem like it but don't be fooled. For the month of March my N came back strong he began courting me all over again, then in a blink he was gone again. He's rude now and vicious in a subtle way so it may actually get worse once contact started again. Would it be possible for you to get away? Or maybe volunteer to do something so you're not sitting home. Be strong x
Jul 29 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

depends on the N

They obsess about getting THEIR needs met and then they become anxious & obsessively enraged when someone figures them out and/or pulls their 'mask' off. perutoo - you MUST get out and get away from him. Your life & your sanity are at stake. Are you in therapy? You need to see someone desperately. PLEASE promise you will. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 30 - 5AM (Reply to #4)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I went drumming last night

I went drumming last night and got talked in to going on 2 trips with the band , next weekend camping by the see and playing in a festerval and the following week to a festeval which is all about healing and new age things . Im pretty scared to go but my name is on the list , so im going . It was a bad day yesterday but i made myself go to my class and i made things happen . God know where that strenght came from . but it did come . Thanks everyone Peru x
Jul 30 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Marie
Marie's picture

Peru

Awesome!!! Make sure you go on those trips don't back out at the last minute. These are baby steps to healing and moving on with your life which is so important. Sure you can have those days curled up in a ball but think about it, who are you hurting? Dwelling on stuff will never change him. Not living your life will not change him. Every small step is a victory for you. Cheers!