Are Narcissists Happy?

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#1 Jun 25 - 4PM

Jax

Are Narcissists Happy?

This N wants everyone to believe he lives this perfect James Bond player lifestyle. Makes good money (even though he's dumb as shit), travels and as he puts it "gets enough sex." And I wonder if someone is truly happy, how can they use and abuse people and cause such pain.

#2 Jun 29 - 6PM

girlsinger

susan32

Hi there I always love reading your posts and I know you know your literiture but susan Peter O'Toole? a "has been" years in the theater? Lawence of Arabia ( A classic) he's been nominated for the Oscar *8 times has won an emmy and a BAFTA award he got an honorary Oscar for his body of work in 2003 is that really a 'Has been"? respectfully, as much as I dig you...I must disagree yes he has had a battle with the bottle and he almost died of a combination of that and a digestive condition since birth that might explain his "look" but he has had an amazing life, and is sooo talented he continued to work with a condition that would have taken a lesser person out of the game on a lighter note he admits that he has "studied women for a very long time "given it his best try but knows nothing" Susan, what are you basing the "has been" diagnosis on a look?..looks fade...talent and true genuis get better with age class dont sag...LOL be blessed k

#3 Jun 29 - 6PM (Reply to #29)

Susan32

Talent vs. who a person is

I respect Peter O'Toole's talents as AN ACTOR. As a human being, he's struck me as a Narc. The womanizing, the alcoholism. It's good he got an honorary Oscar... and when he turned it down, was it because it wasn't the real thing? Vanity? Christopher Plummer, in his bio, said of O'Toole "He's a genius, but he's not normal." There have been genuinely talented Narcs... Pablo Picasso, Leo Tolstoy, Frank Lloyd Wright. Genuine talent&genius can exist in a person who's deeply flawed. Peter O'Toole is great as an actor...however, I'm glad I'm not his ex-wife or one of his ex-girlfriends. I enjoy seeing him in "Lawrence of Arabia" and "Becket"--however, I'm glad I didn't have his babies.

#4 Jun 29 - 10AM

tresor2

Happy Happy

Because they're hollow and derive their pleasure from sucking blood from others, I've concluded that they convince themselves they are happy. After all, they're frauds. Their emotions are shallow and they cannot deal with the injured parts of themselves so they go around exposing their fake image of happiness and success. Mine became really happy when he inflicted pain and watched me hurt. This gave him a sense of power and control...the ultimate high for a sadistic malignant narcissist. Ass long as they're getting what they want, they are happy at some level but, they're never satisfied so I'm not sure how all that works in their twisted sick minds.

#5 Jun 29 - 9AM

WiserNow30

No!

Here's an interesting take in an article that I found: Narcissists age very badly. Because of this, their hunting efforts for new victims becomes difficult. When they cannot find new victims, they return to recycle the very same people they abused in the past. Some people that they recycle (hurt) are empathic so they let the narcissist back into their lives for another chance. Since the narcissist never changes, the relationship goes through another intense and toxic corruption, and the narcissist (like a vampire) lives with the bad attention as a drug fix. The ability to find good attention becomes difficult to accomplish as they get older, especially if the Narcissist is a somatic type (one who uses his/her body and sex for attention)- and in the end of their lives, they wither with inconsistent attention and suffer from narcissistic injury and become extremely depressed, but not without projecting blame onto others. It is a consistent character disorder, with little to no hope for change. You can google many movie stars from the 70's and 80's and see how the present day concept of "has beens" changes them to bitter, empty shells as they age.

#6 Jun 29 - 6PM (Reply to #26)

onwithmylife

WiserNow

good article, that is exactly what i believe has happen to the exnar, in his 60's was very depressed for years and now i believe he is an empty, bitter, depressed shell of a man with ED problems so cannot even have normal sex and accused me of cybersex, 'in my desperate and depraved condition', THAT is exactly what he has to resort to now, sad and pathetic, a real hermit

#7 Jun 29 - 10AM (Reply to #24)

Susan32

The concept of "has beens"

Remember that B movie actress in LA, who was found dead in her apartment after several weeks? (I think she had been mummified over the course of a month) She starred as the OW in "Attack of the Giant Woman"-or something like that. I read a profile of her in Entertainment Weekly. She had been a beauty back in the '50s, but with age she got bitter, isolated, and profoundly paranoid. This starlet was bitter&angry because she never got famous, and she felt entitled to it. She hadn't accomplished anything... and she was bitter about it. She struck me as a female Narc, reading about her intimate relationships. There are some Ns who are "has beens"-look at Peter O'Toole, who was infamous as an alcoholic womanizer in his younger days. He looks dead now. There are some Ns who are "never weres"-like the starlet of the B movies who was found dead in her apartment, or the ex-Psych prof. He never amounted to anything. He's nearly 50.

#8 Jun 29 - 6PM (Reply to #25)

Susan32

Yvette Vickers

She was often cast as femme fatales, she had a cameo in "Sunset Boulevard" (about an out-of-touch "has been" silent movie star) She resented that she NEVER became as famous as some other screen sirens. It's tragic that she withered away in resentment¶noia... and when her body was found, it was assumed that she had been dead for at least a year. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2011/may/11/film-industry-usa

#9 Jun 28 - 5PM

Jax

Happy?

I love these comments! Thank you. The most important thing at this very moment is that every since I went NC I'm starting to feel human again and very close to happy. What a relief not to be traumatized by a text message or a phone call, and the objectification from a disordered person. Thank God for number blocking.

#10 Jun 29 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

Done sourcing

Thanks to God

for his patience with me as I assimilate this new information. No contact is awesome. Just as important for me is no response when the narc makes the contact. To thine own self be true. Freedom lies in building a new life without the narc-nuttiness. NC and NR are my cornerstones.

#11 Jun 28 - 2PM

prettypeeved

Well, Narc Boy clearly

Well, Narc Boy clearly doesn't make good money because he drives a car that's like a shopping cart with an engine, scrimps on everything he can, and is always looking for the cheap deal. He complains he doesn't get attention. He complains he doesn't get enough sex. His life is a series of tragic, self-inflicted mistakes. And when I once made a remark that life was passing him by because he wouldn't take responsibility for it, he was quite upset. Although he could have been just acting, of course. So I doubt he's happy at all, really. And so it should be. The problem is more that he doesn't seem to be willing or able to make the connection between his actions, and the end results in his shitty life, but I'm long through trying to get him to understand - they just DON'T GET IT.

#12 Jun 28 - 5PM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

"I want to be a man of ACTION!"

The ex-Psych prof said this... as a man of 32, and who would guess that I'd be warned against getting romantically/sexually involved with him... by an ex-boyfriend, who was also a professor(???) The ex-P's colleagues are ACCOMPLISHED. His Daddy is accomplished. He had a colleague who had gone to grad school with him, could barely tolerate him... and is an accomplished classical guitarist. My senior thesis advisor leads workshops for teachers. The female professor who guided me with compassion&understanding during the final D&D has been Dean for the past several years... she has accomplishments. The ex-P would talk about how he wanted to be a man of action (because Andrei says that in "War and Peace",after Natasha inspires him), how he wanted to be a philosopher... in the past decade, he has accomplished ZILCH. If he had accomplished something, I'd respect his accomplishments (but not him as a person) The ex-P would lose it when I took action in my life, be it getting published in the college newspaper or volunteering. He'd just sit around&complain. My former Narc boss has an older boyfriend who owns an antique store;he attached himself to someone accomplished. He has a friend who's a well-known chef who's been on http://www.foodtv.com My former Narc boss would talk about all the things he wanted to do... but he wouldn't commit&DO them, be it his chocolate fountain business or being a supervisor at a new nursing home. It's like Narcs prefer drama to actually doing things.

#13 Jun 28 - 2PM (Reply to #19)

janine

Well said

My ex was not willing or able to make the connection between his actions and end results either though he has a vague awareness that he causes them. They may have a high IQ but their EQ is below zero. Daniel Goleman points out in his book about emotional intelligence that this constellation does not make for happiness. From what I saw in my N the closest he came to it has been a shortlived elation about something going well or relief that something he'd feared didn't happen. Now he's over 50 even those emotions have grown less intense, since he is aware that the next job, relationship, project or whatever will end up the same as before. He lives in dread and misery.

#14 Jun 26 - 1AM

Done sourcing

Simple Answer

Who cares. When the value in suffering is over, healing is immediate! Done sourcing says red light for the narcs, green light for us!

#15 Jun 26 - 2AM (Reply to #17)

ewa

Yes who cares :). Exactly. I

Yes who cares :). Exactly. I can not agree more :))

#16 Jun 25 - 6PM

girlsinger

I love all of these posts...indeed

Hi there Precious Ones: did you ever watch 6 year old on Christmas eve? when they just could not wait until christmas morning? so excited...elated, head spinning in anticipation then came christmas morning! finally! they say to themselves!!! yea!!!! they opened all thier wonderful gifts and they are knee deep in wrapping paper, ribbon and bows its magical!! by lunchtime... they are playing with the boxes thier gifts came in and growning really bored of those now too this is as close as a Narc comes to "Happieness" the only thing that comes in a close second is all of the love care concern and beauty you brought into thier empty, shabby and strange lives My exNarc is very successful he has every imaginable thing one could hope to ever have he is highly respected in his field healthy dines at the Best places wears nothing but the best clothes accepts nothing but the best treatment people literally bow when he passes by, yet and still he is still playing with the boxes... you are all so precious. be blessed K

#17 Jun 28 - 11AM (Reply to #15)

mystwoman

You've described how xnh acts

You've described how xnh acts perfectly. He is still playing with the boxes. I love the analogy. Great post!

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#18 Jun 26 - 1PM (Reply to #14)

Persephone1

to Girlsinger...

Thats a Great analogy......I am saving that one for future reference. I always finds those kinds of explanations useful whenever I start to wander off in thought about his psyche.

#19 Jun 25 - 5PM

Steph

An N is never truley happy.

An N is never truley happy. They live there life hiding from themselves and putting up a front to others. Sure, they have moments of "fun" and they can have a good time and laugh etc....but they don't have real inner happiness. You are right in saying that a truley happy person wouldn't use and abuse others.

#20 Jun 25 - 5PM

Littleone

To a certain extent yes. But

To a certain extent yes. But it is a very very shallow kind of happiness. Let me explain myself- I think their happiness is similar to the happiness you might feel when you purchase a new piece of clothing you've been wanting. Your happy about it, potentially excited but it doesn't give you inner peace- it just makes you happy for a little while. When the excitement wears off, your in the same place you were before, but after feeling so good, you desperately want that feeling back. What im trying to say is they are constantly on a quest for something to make them feel good. And they are expecting outside forces to make them happy, not from inside themselves. Imagine having to rely on another person to make you happy? It wouldn't work would it? They are constantly be searching for person after person to fill that void. Never finding them because nobody can make anyone else happy 100% of the time. So the way I see it is there is a certain amount of happiness- but it's not REAL. Its shallow and it goes away. You on the other hand can achieve true happiness because this comes from within.

#21 Jun 25 - 5PM

onwithmylife

Jax

Never happy, because they always must be RIGHT, in constant control and on constant vigilance, WHEW what a lot of work for NOTHING.. no thanks, they are miserable SOB's and will be that way for the rest of their lives, never be fooled by the false mask they have on.

#22 Jun 25 - 5PM

Susan32

They don't do "happy"

My Narc grandmother thought she'd be happy if she moved back to Paso Robles... now she wants to go back to Oregon. My former Narc boss was always discontent with job, always complaining about a certain coworker of mine... did NOTHING about the situation except complain. The massively obese Narc coworker complained about EVERYTHING. He'd be happy to have food to stuff in his face, get people to do what HE wanted, but he wasn't happy. The ex-Psych prof lectures about happiness... yet he'd rage at me if I said "have a happy day", saw me smiling. He's allergic to happiness. When I wished him a happy life with his girlfriend, I got raged at. When I congratulated him on his first lecture, I got raged at. When I sent him brief emails congratulating him on getting hitched&becoming a father... I got the silent treatment. He once said "I'm a very happy man"-but it was because he had put me through so much emotional suffering. When I told him I still cared about his happiness, even tho he wasn't romantically interested in me, he said, "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL!" and "Don't think about me. Focus on yourself." After being told that my feelings of love for him were a diversion&a projection of MY good qualities onto him. I was spared the ex-P's lecture on happiness.

#23 Jun 25 - 5PM

Gravity

Jax

Hm, lemme think about this one. No. No. No.No. No. No.No. No. No.No. No. No.No. No. No.No. No. No.No. No. No. oh and one more thing.. No. Them feeling happy would imply that they have feelings. Yes they have momentary seconds of glee when they succeeded in screwing somebody over but other than that they are emotionally barren.

#24 Jun 25 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

heritage

So true

ExN was always happy when screwing his ex wife out of his real earnings during divorce. His avg salary is 475,000. and during div he brought it to 150,000. He cooked the books (he's a private pract) and he cooked the books for the 5 years that the div took. He also hid his money with family. He was so happy with the end result, watching her suffer and his 2 college age children. It always bothered me that he wanted the worst for them and sure enough he got away with it.

#25 Jun 25 - 4PM

Cgrl

Happy

They don't know happy like we know happy. They know " glee". Glee in getting thier way. Glee in getting you to do something against your will. Glee in making you cry. Glee in thinking they are getting one over on you. If they knew happy they would have never discarded the best thing that ever happened to them. That's why they search- all thier lives and step over your body as you lay tormented by thier actions, clapping thier hands on to the next victim. Thier happiness only involves others pain.

#26 Jun 26 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Susan32

GLEE? Like the show?

That show is full of Ns. Matthew Morrison bragged about his body&what fine form it is in a magazine recently. Now, in the show itself... Morrison's character, Will Schuester, is a major Narc. When his student, Rachel Berry, has a crush on him, he HUMILIATES her for it. He makes her do housework at his place, ushers her to the bedside of a comatose student who attempted suicide because he rejected her... in the end, she apologizes... all because she was a normal teenaged girl enamored of her teacher. The "Ballads" episode of GLEE mirrors my final D&D to such an extent (except for the suicide attempt) that reading the synopsis is enough to get me tearful. Will Schuester woos Emma while he's still married, terrorizes his wife, a terrible N. No wonder Emma calls out Will as a slut before the other teachers. Gwyneth Paltrow's character, Holly Holiday, toys with Will&Emma's feelings just so she can have sex with Will. Jane Lynch's character, Sue Sylvester, is a sadistic Narc, and Neil Patrick Harris' character in a Narc.

#27 Jun 25 - 5PM (Reply to #5)

heritage

Valid Point

God so well said! All true.

#28 Jun 25 - 5PM (Reply to #4)

Gravity

Funny that i used the word

Funny that i used the word "glee" before I saw your comment! haha! yup, you just about summed it up!

#29 Jun 25 - 5PM (Reply to #3)

sara-smile

Cgrl

Perfect! This is a perfect example of a Narc and their "happiness"! Very well put! Thanks! Sara

#30 Jun 25 - 4PM

sara-smile

Jax

Hey Jax! I don't believe they are happy at all. Everything that I've read said they are not happy and can never be happy! Who could be happy living such a life of lies? Also, with my Narc NOTHING is ever good enough. His job, car, ME, the OW, clothes, the weather, etc etc. He's constantly seeking perfection in everything which makes him miserable. I think he has moments of happiness but I don't think any Narc will ever truly be happy. They are way too screwed up in the head to even understand true happiness.

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