The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



Apple's story

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#1 Jul 14 - 9PM
apple
apple's picture

Apple's story

Anyways, BAD BAD BAD move on my part saying those things to him that night. To the very end of our relationship he would still bring up that one fight telling me how crazy I was and that I needed anger management. That he couldn't be with someone like that. This coming from a man that constantly attacks me with viscous names. For the last fourteen months, on a weekly bases, I am little bitch, crazy bitch, psycho, nut-job or delusional. I don't ever call him names back. I'm well aware of what the repercussions will be if I even try to stick up for myself. That is not allowed.

For the last fourteen months,this man texts me everyday or every other day telling me how much he wants to fu** me. Yet he refuses to see me. I ask/begged him to tell me what his days off are so that I can take work off to come and see him. He tells me that he has no days off. If he does make plans with me he is always a no call/no show, or he tells me he couldn't call in sick because his work is too busy or he will say I didn't hear from you soon enough so I just went to work. This happens even if we have had plans for weeks and he knows how excited I am to see him and that I have gone out of my way rearranging my schedule and requesting time off from my job to visit him.

-I found him on another dating site recently. I never told him.

-He lies to me. Even about stupid things like his age. He is only two years older than me. I don't even know what the point is. (duh! Like I really don't remember how old he was when we were first dating) I can't bust him on his lies because its not worth him turning things around on me or flying into a rage at me.

-Tells me that he wants to rape me on a regular bases or that I only deserve to be raped. I go along with this because I always felt if I didn't I would lose him.

- He will ask me if I miss him or love him and if I ask him if he loves me, he will say I love your pussy or I miss your pussy only.

-Demanded that I get on birth control, made a huge deal out of it for months, so of course I did. When he FINALLY saw me a couple of months ago he refused to have sex with me without a condom saying that he couldn't trust me. He knows that I hate condoms because I have an allergy to the latex.

-The night that we finally saw each other (it had been a year), he arrived at the hotel after midnight (we each drove half way and I of course paid for the room) He left at 5am in the morning telling me that he had to work the next day at noon. I know his schedule fairly well since he is always texting me in the mornings when he gets off work. I was so devastated that he left so soon. I layed in that hotel alone and cried for about four hours. It was one of the worst nights/mornings of my life.

-Only ever wants to talk about sex. If I ask him how his day was or how he is doing he just replies "wishing I was fucking you"

-Tells me I have to do whatever he wants, that it is all about him (literally). I am not allowed to tell him no.

-Always asks me "Can I still do whatever I want to you"? I feel like if I say I'm not into that, he won't see me. I have always given into him because the times that I have told him that I don't want rough sex he freaked out and raged telling me that I was a nut job and never to talk to him again. He then ignored me for two weeks.

-He never apologizes and always puts the blame on me. Example: If he cancels on me he will find some way to turn it around on me. Everything is always my fault. This always leaves me feeling confused and crazy.

-He attacks my character and who I am as a person. I don't know how to defend myself against things that I haven't done or would never do to begin with. This hurts me so much.

-When things are going well between us, he will all of a sudden create drama and start fights or wild accusations, usually when we are just a few days from seeing each other. I just tell him that I understand (not allowed to stick up for myself), that I am just happy that I get to see him because I miss him so much,but it always results in him ignoring me and standing me up.

-He told me ALL the time that I have to be nice to him. If I am nice then he will see me. I don't understand what he means by this because I always feel like I am nice to him.

-I'm not allowed to be emotional. If I try to talk to him about the way he treats me, if I ask for affection or if he has hurt my feelings when he stands me up, he does not care. Tells me that those are my feelings to deal with. Or he threatens me with never seeing him again. This man does not want to hear anything that I have to say.

- When he knew that I was having surgery he texted me... I want to lick your pussy. I was laying in a hospital bed. He never even asked how I was doing.

- Accuses me of having sex with or texting other men.

- I never initiate contact with him because he either ignores me or is so rude that I know its just best to let him contact me when he feels like it.

- He pressures me for naked photos.

- Whenever I was with him, I always felt alone.

- Threatens me with fuc*** other chicks. Says things like I will think about you when I fu** her. Her pussy will be so tight!!! He has made me so upset at times that I have literally been physically sick, throwing up.

At the end of June I found him on another dating site. Mind you, he still has no time for me. He then sent me a picture of himself on a beach somwhere. I asked him when the picture was taken and he said last summer. This is also when he couldn't spend time with me because he was working everyday. He lives no where near the ocean. I knew this was the begening of the end. I could not take anymore of his lies. He then cancelled on me twice at the end of June both times in one week. Again coming up with a B.S. story, turning it around on me. I told him that I couldn't believe he was doing this to me AGAIN. I told him I was crying. He said here we go agian!! I told him not to worry about it. I was gone.

This was his text:

Whatever. Don't talk to me anymore then.
Your a crazy Bitch.

No Response and no contact from me.

July 3rd another text message from him:

I just fucked that chick from the hospital.
It was soooooooo good. She is fucking hot!
And I didn't use a condom. Maybe you shouldn't
have been such a bitch to me.

No response from me.

Please help me! I need your strong words. I need to know why this man does not love me and how I ended up allowing myself to be treated this way. Thank you for listening!!!!

Jun 12 - 9AM
Learningthehardway
Learningthehardway's picture

omg, he was a NIGHTMARE!

Jun 11 - 11PM
apple
apple's picture

Hi my soul sisters.

Jan 22 - 7PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

Why? because, thats all and

Why? because, thats all and he doesnt make the grade. HE DOESNT LOVE YOU< HE CANT YOU KNOW THAT> This has nothing to do with you. raise your standards and forget the dream. He is a pimple on the backside of humanity!
Jan 18 - 11PM
justicejones
justicejones's picture

REALLY!!!????

Okay, tell me why we are such gluttons for punishment? I am standing on the outside and saying...WHAT A PIG! what a total loser-reject. EMT-etc...like I said. Perfect, perfect camoflage for Narcs. People will think they are good persons, they will trust them that way. When the craziness rears the ugly head, the victim will justify it with, "well he really is a good person. he helps people, he saves people!" Really its to get more supply...ego boost, sex, admiration. ANYTHING to feed his need for supply. YUCK! I want to spit on him! He is abusive vebally and mentally...yet we take them back. I guess we are looking for them to find us valuable and want them to validate us, see our worth. That is what we are hanging on to. Or that they will change into what we "KNOW" they can be. And the things he said...I heard those too in my marriage. The request for naked pictures, He asked for those from me...real raunchy ones too. But my guy only was seriously into me sexually when he thought he was losing me. It was a challenge to win me back and a turn on for him. Once he had me...it was back to affairs with white trash and porn...even blow up dolls. He would withold sex from me. But when he wanted it, no matter what kind, style, where etc, (even if it was humiliating to me) I never refused him. I was afraid he would get it somewhere else. He was anyway. Praise the Lord, I have no diseases from that man. You, my dear, are too valuable, and beautiful to settle for anything less than the best. He isn't even the a little best...he is canned dog food and you want steak and potatos with shrimp. NC with this man. DOn't research him or anything. He is toxic to your present and future. He has already poisoned your past. ENOUGH already. Yuck, yuck, yuck! I know that we don't see it when we are in it. It may just feel off. But others see it. Not worth your time or anything. No more renting space to that tenant.
Jan 18 - 5PM
pinkdreamer
pinkdreamer's picture

Ouch..

.. my heart hurts for you. I hope you find away to break free and stay away from this man for good.
Nov 22 - 7PM
Leah
Leah's picture

I hope by now you're safe and away from him

Hi Cherryblossom. I hope you'll post soon to tell us that you've left this man and that you're healing.
Nov 20 - 7PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

OMW this is horrific to live

OMW this is horrific to live through, he must have sucked you in good and really f d with your head to get you to grovel like this. Listen sweet pretty girl/strong woman. you know, and I know this A hole is not worth a pile of dog shit, So you know that, you just have to focus on that the next time he tries to reel you in, men like this will stop at nothing to get you pregnant and broken so you can never leave and take his abuse until you feel you a a worthless piece of shit like him. YOU ARE NOT. FULL stop. Tell him to stick his dick in his own mouth, that should shut him up and keep him busy trying for awhile, get a new number and block him from your life. You have friends and family here :)
Sep 23 - 8PM
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

I'm speechless. What a

I'm speechless. What a total and utter piece of dogshit. Run like the wind.
Sep 24 - 8PM (Reply to #39)
apple
apple's picture

Thanks Hook!!

Loved your Advice!!! xxA
Sep 22 - 8PM
apple
apple's picture

I had to remove this.

My computer did something weird to it. lol
Aug 15 - 8AM
jen79
jen79's picture

slimpickens OMG

I just read your story, and if you told me the man is about 50, I'd think we dated the same man. No kidding. It is very painfull to read your story for me. I know how you feel, the questions, the cognitive dissonance...but I thank you very much, cause I read my story in your story from an objective point of view and it is soooo obvious now. This man is a woman hater. He hates woman, he likes degrading and punishing them, he is a sadist. You are experiencing the emotional rollercoaster of being emotional and sexual addicted to him, your perspective is distorted through your pain. Please stay away from him, change your number, change your email. It will be hard in the beginning, but NC means no more new pain. And it is short term pain for long term gain. I hope you find this strength!
Aug 4 - 9AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

slimpickens

My God. I just read your story. I truly can't believe yours and mine are not the same man. Every single thing is the same, and yes, you've got a bona fide psychopath on your hands. I had forgotten about the hospital thing until I read it in your story. I went to the hopsital one night while I was pregnant (I miscarried later). So I'm lying in the hospital, pregnant and vomiting, and he calls me. My phone is on vibrate and I text him, "Can't talk. In the hospital." He texts back: "Okay. Call me later." OKAY. CALL ME LATER. ???????????? That is the response when your girlfriend says she is in the hospital? Not OMG what's wrong? Where are you? I'll be right there? He never, ever even asked what was wrong. This guy in your life is a dangerous, horrible, evil man. I know how hard it is to stay away, and how debasing it is that we still want to be with them. I humiliated myself so many times I can't even count. Please remember that you are normal and wonderful, and that he is a very seriously unstable person.
Aug 6 - 10PM (Reply to #35)
apple
apple's picture

I am so sorry that happened to you HD!!

Did he ever find out why you were in the hospital? So so awful that you had to experience that all alone. How are you doing now? I am starting NC all over again as of today. But geez, I wonder what being addicted to heroin is like if I can't even get over my addiction to this man? It feels like it would be the same thing, especially the withdrawals. I went into see a therapist last Aug but I guess he just didn't see what was really going on with me. I am very good at pretending that I am okay with all of my friends and family. On the inside I feel like I am dying. This new therapist can see right through me. It is amazing. She can read me like no one has been able to before. This sounds weird but my first session with her she figured out/noticed that I need a pillow to cover myself while sitting down or I'm not comfortable. No one has ever even noticed that before (I always place one over my leggs unless at work). She figured out that it feels like protection for me. I know that sounds weird and I'm not even sure why I brought that up, that is how good she is. Anyways, I am rambling. Thanks for reading my story and sharing. I am really going to need all the help I can get. I thought I could go NC when I joined this site but now that I have relapsed its pretty clear that I have a long hard battle to fight for myself. xxA
Jul 19 - 2AM
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

Projection Machine

Sorry about your experience. Know that all those awful things he accused you of were projections. Aside from his coming off as a psychopath in what you wrote, I am left wondering if he had any redeeming qualities. Any at all??? Good for you for cutting him off. Sounds like you hit your rock-bottom. I don't think his psychological warfare could have gotten any worse. No, he did not love you. Sounds like he was a total sadist and you were just a toy. Sorry if that's harsh, but that's what it looks like from here. I don't know how you allowed yourself to be treated that way...That is the million dollar question that many of us are asking ourselves... But the fact that you're asking it is a very good beginning. Stay strong.
Jul 20 - 12AM (Reply to #28)
apple
apple's picture

I'm asking the dumbest question in the entire world

He contacted me and told me he was sorry. That he didn't do that girl and was just trying to make me jealous. Also said that he loved me. I have NO IDEA what to do now. He never, ever apologizes or says he loves me. What do you think I should do? I thought I was done and being so strong for myself. Any redeemable qualities? I can't think of a single one. What the heck is wrong with me? I'm not sucked back in all the way yet tho. I may have broke the NO CONTACT RULE but if he messes with me one more time that's it. I'm still just starting therapy... I hope she helps me see the light. Still shocked he apologized though. Sigh. Thanks for the support guys!!! You are such good friends and I don't even know you. xoxo
Jul 20 - 2AM (Reply to #29)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

"love"

He said he LOVES you??? He's simply using a new tactic. Mine used that as a tactic when I first tried to push him away for cheating, which he SWORE up and down he didn't do. He did. Anyway, you know what mine said 2 days after he told me he loves me for the first time? That "I love you" is one of the three biggest lies, right up there with "The check is in the mail" and "I won't [blank] in your mouth." Thanks for the reassurance. What should you do? IGNORE the sicko. Why? What is your motivation for ignoring him completely? Because if you open yourself up to him, he is going to get really sadistic this time. And it will hurt like hell. And remember...you said yourself that he has NO redeeming qualities at all. And if this therapist doesn't get it, find another. You might want to find one who is also an interventionist, because they will understand your self-defeating behavior for certain. Good luck.
Jul 20 - 8PM (Reply to #30)
apple
apple's picture

Thanks Girlfriday!!

You are sosososososo right. This IS a new tactic for him!!! I'm kicking myself for responding. Very clever & tricky on his part. lol. I'm just feeling so indifferent right now. I have been in SO much pain for the last two years over him, even just a few days ago. And for what? NOTHING!! My life was put on hold for no reason. But your right, I just don't see any good in him. Its pretty bad when I can't name even one redeemable quality. I am so over this!!! I'm going to see if I can find your story now =) THANK YOU!!!
Jul 22 - 2PM (Reply to #32)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

She is right. Its all simply

She is right. Its all simply an act. You have to remember a few simple truths about Narcs. I know these well because I have known/observed enough of them in my time. Thery are ALL the same, at the core. 1. Tactics- Never assume that anything is off limits to a narc. Just because he "never apologizes," doesn't mean he isnt capable of it and won't do it. He will, when it is neccessary to keep you, his supply source, in close range. They are mostly predictable, yes. But in some respects, they are not, and they LOVE it that way. Which brings me to point number 2. 2. They love to do/say bizzare things, things that don't even make sense to other mental cases, just to keep youconfused and engaged in their sick mind games. It will NEVER make any sense. They only thing to do is ignore it, and have a good chuckle about it later over hot chocolate. 3. I think someone said it best on this board, and I can't remember who (sorry I wish Icould give you credit here): "if his lips are moving then he's lying." So true!!! Always remember this. The funniest part is that they wholeheartedly believe their own bullshit. Just remember that the next time you have to be in the same space as him. That way you can be chuckling to yourself inside while you smile and feign interest/gratitude/bliss/whatever it is they want from you at that time. lastly, Stay strong, Girl NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC!!!! J
Jul 29 - 11PM (Reply to #33)
apple
apple's picture

Thank You for all the support!!

I'm just re-reading all of your helpful comments tonight. You are all so amazing!!! I wish I had found this site a year ago. Geez!! I was just thinking about when I finally had the guts to tell him I no longer felt comfortable sending him pictures. His response... If you don't feel comfortable sending me pics then why would I feel comfortable spending time with you?? Then he said I was acting like a bitch. OMG!! HAHAHAHHAHA!!! He really had to dig deep for that manipulation. Nice try. What he wanted me to say... yes, master. What degrading pose would you like me in this time?? I'll get right on that for you. I have realized (wish it would have been sooner) that whenever he attacked me with verbal abuse it was when he wasn't getting his way... just like a two year old. I hope you are all doing well and I have you in my thoughts and prayers!! xxA
Jul 30 - 12AM (Reply to #31)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

Indifference is the goal.

Indifference is the goal. Not hate--since hate is a form of passion--but indifference. So good for you!!! They ARE very clever and sneaky...particularly the psychopaths! And he hasn't needed to be too clever before because it sounds like you were his puppet. So now that you are cutting the puppet-strings, he is not used to this and has to find new, clever tactics. These will probably escalate. He will probably try a few different tactics..love, anger, guilt, sadness...repeat. Be prepared. I never posted my story(stories). Just never felt ready, but you can find bits and pieces in various threads. Let's just say, I've learned a lot these past 3 years... Stay strong!!!
Jul 17 - 12PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

He sounds psycho

Good thing you're leaving him. He's definitely NOT worth it. You deserve so much better. You gave him your time, your affection, your love--and he's ungrateful. Worse than that. He's abusive. When I went into NC mode with my ex-Psychopathic professor, I made sure NOT to give him my phone number or home address. He was going to do something bizarre. Bad enough he got me to lose my teaching job due to BS allegations of being a "danger to children."
Jul 17 - 1AM
NancyM
NancyM's picture

slimpickins

You poor thing, this guy is a total out there whack job, and I am so glad you are getting away from him. You look like you are doing ok by not responding to him, and though it may not feel like it, it is a strong move on your part. Glad you found your way here...welcome to the family.

Nevergoback

Jul 16 - 3PM
ewa
ewa's picture

OMG!!!!!!!!! I do not think

OMG!!!!!!!!! I do not think he is regular N. He is a crazy psycho. I can see him doing worst things in my imagination. Respect yourself he is treating you like sh-t and he will treat like this every women in his life, he has no respect to anybody he calls his colleagues from work bitches. RUN RUN RUN away, do not let him manipulate you in this psycho game. There are stories about different N types on this side, and i have to tell you that is one of this which i call "shocking". RUN!!!!
Jul 15 - 10PM
querida
querida's picture

you are not alone... your

you are not alone... your story is familiar to me, and I'm sure to others here. Please know that you don't deserve him or his awful behavior!!! Have you considered blocking his texts/calls, or even get a new number? It seems the phone is a major source of his attacks, no?
Jul 16 - 12AM (Reply to #16)
apple
apple's picture

Not yet!

I have not blocked his number because I don't feel like I will ever hear from him again anyway. If I did, I feel like I am strong enough not to respond (I hope I'm not in denial here). I have really reached my breaking point this time. He just couldn't treat me any worse!!! And although I still love him, I am no longer gonna be his doormat. He will never change. I can't even imagine saying those things to my worst enemy. With that last text, it just proves how set out he is to hurt me. I just can't trust him with me anymore. Did you block your N's number?
Jul 16 - 7PM (Reply to #17)
apple
apple's picture

I heard from him!!!

As soon as I wrote this reply to you he texted me!! How weird is that??!! His text... I bet you don't even miss me. NO RESPONSE FROM ME!!!! YAY YAY YAY ME!!! I am so proud of myself. I have never been strong enough to do this before. Isn't it funny how it's still all about him? I could not have started breaking this cycle without this site and without all of your input. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxox
Jul 22 - 2PM (Reply to #20)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Congrats!

Congrats, yes on not succumbing to temptation. These guys are so oblivious to us that it wouldn't even matter if you responded, what you said would be twisted up anyways! I'll bet you could have texted something back like "BINGO, Jackass!" and he still would have taken it as "No youre wrong babe please take me back!" LOL. But your silence means EVERYTHING to him. Everything. I know this site is entitled "Its All About Him" for many good reasons. But we all have to admit, that maybe its really all about US. Because without you, Dear Supply Source, there IS NO HIM. That's the point of their illness. They need us to exist, in every possible way. Sounds flattering, but we all know its not. A friend of mine told me when my relationship with my N was in its death throes, that even though he seems to be on a high and that everything seems to revolve around him, the complete opposite is true, it was all about me. How he could hurt me, humiliate me, guilt me, "love" me, string me along.....we all know the drill. That's why I thik its really all about US. just a thought.
Jul 23 - 12AM (Reply to #21)
apple
apple's picture

hahahahaha!!!!

I almost just fell off my chair laughing so hard. I wish I could/would have thought to say "BINGO, JACKASS!!" You are so funny! I don't say those things though, I never wanted to give him the SATISFACTION of being a bit** to him. Although, that's what he calls me anyway. You struck a cord with me when you said that he is capable of apologizing... when it suits him. I know he knows how he treats me. He is not blind, deaf or dumb. His mind games, blaming and projections have been so damaging to me. It's like 1+2= mindfu** everytime. When he apologized and said he didn't really sleep with that girl from the hospital (he expected me to be fine and everything would go back to normal)... I tried to explain to him that it wasn't really about that (I already assumed he might be sleeping with others anyway). I told him it was the fact that his message was so cruel that it was like he wanted me to bleed. He wanted to hurt me as much as he possibly could. His response was... well its no different then that one time you were verbally abusive to me two years ago. I'm still not over that. I HAD to laugh. Calling him selfish and a myspace whore when he practically provoked me? And this is why he justifies emotionally abusing me for two years? REALLY?!!! Thanks for the advice!! I am staying strong, still indifferint but more so just sick of him. p.s. His new tactic... sending me pictures of his penis. Yeah, like that's gonna get me back. lololololo's Thanks Guys!! MUAH!!!!!!!!!
Jul 23 - 1AM (Reply to #22)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

nice job

Just don't ever forget that you have the power now through silence. You get to drive him crazy, for once. You are well on your way. Hearing that you are indifferent and just sick of him is a much better indicator of your power and progress than if you said, "I hate him so so much!" I'd love for you to post his tactics on the message board. I'm sure his "I've decided that we shouldn't communicate anymore" message is just around the corner. Yes, even though YOU already made that decision. Seems to be a tactic they use. And it means nothing because you will hear from him soon thereafter... Keep up the good work.
Jul 29 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
apple
apple's picture

Not sure?

I'm not sure how to post tactics on the message board? I'm still reading through all of the "share your story" section. I'm going to check it out now though. Thanks for the idea and your help!! =)