To Anyone Wishing He Would Call

I promise it's not worth it. My N called me last week after6 weeks NC. I took the call and listened to him pour his "heart" out to me about how he made a mistake and he was sorry about the OW, he wanted me back in his life bc he missed talking to me and the connection we had..Considering he D&D 7 weeks ago without so much a face to face visit, I entertained seeing him on Friday. We spent about7 hrs together, having a bite to eat and just talking..I cried to him, he continued to apologize and held me..He called me Saturday and Sunday and again we got together on Monday. We had dinner, talked...He asked me to spend the night and I said no bc I wasnt feeling well. He seemed OK with it. Then I texted him on Tuesday AM. No reponse. Not until the afternoon.Something in my gut told me something was up. Anyway he told me he wanted to be honest..that the OW stopped by his place with his sweats and a male friend of hers which he said upset him a great deal bc he felt it was likea covert threat. Bla Bla Bla. He told me that he felt he owed me the honesty in her coming around. Then on Tuesday night I texted him asking what he was doing. He texted back an hour later saying he was with his nephew...OK hell call me when he leaves. No response. So of course I feel in my gut hes with OW.I start a text tirade about how I know hes with her etc etc. This spills into Wedsnesday AM. He calls me early Wednesday throwingup on the phone saying that he was drinking all night and he was sick. Whatever. So then inally last night we were supposed to meet up to do a business call at a resturant lounge..he didnt call. Instead he texted me and said he wasnt going to get dressed and ready even though he didnt feel well...In my head Im like 'why didnt he call me to tell me to get ready' so I text him and tell him OK Im getting ready *to test him*..he went along with it..I just felt ever since Monday hes been with OW...not the way he said *which is her returning clothes etc*...Si I asked him to come over. He did. We talked. I said 'IDK why u came back if she was still in the picture..IDK if I believe u'..he proceeds with *it seems like ure never going to trust me. And its rightfully so, I understand. Maybe we should take things slow in order for u to build ur trust in me.* I tested him again and said *Im gonna goto ur house and sleep over* hes like *OK but u know I have radio and then haveto be up early..whih I guess is OK since u leave early anyway*..it was like a hint for me not to come, really. I said *what if she comes by?* he laughs and says *I dont know what to say*...Im like *why dont u tell her NOT to come by anymore* and he says *If I tell her that what do uthink will happen (Pause) shell come by*...I said 'Well it was easy for u to dump me why isnt it easy to dump her-why did u even come back for that matter if u are still dealing with leaving her?!?!!* we went back and forth. He went on with how he doesnt wanna hurt me, how he came back last week to offer me some sorta closure with how things ended..just a long winded merry go round of BS..Bottom line is this ladies: In the 7 days he re-entered my life, its been filled with hurt, drama, disappearing acts, and ultimately...tears...I cried myself to sleep last night. Barely slept really. Although Im not back to square one - Im very angry, hurt, and enraged over the thoughts of my being pushed aside for another woman...as well as him coming with a dirty slate..Once u are betrayed, its not easy to revert. Once u have been D&D, the pain will always remain. The man who hurt u is the man who will hurt u again...I know N came back bc he didnt want me to badmouth him IMO..He didnt want his empty conscience to think he was responsoble for my emotional coma for 6 weeks..But he is..And they are. All ofthem. They all stripped us of our pride, dignity, and soul. PLEASE BE HAPPY IF HE DOESNT CONTACT u...I promise u, its nothing less than a whirlwind of DRAMA..Pure DRAMA...and not conduciveto healing. I told him off last night and said its best we dont speak. He agreed. I loved him but he loved her..fuck them..A Normal man will KNOW AND APPRECIATE A GOOD THING..NOT THEM..NEVER THEM...THEY WILL NEVER LOVE... NC! NC! NC is the ONLY WAY TO GO..I AM NOW WITNESS TO IT! LOVE u ALL..IM THANKFuL TO THIS BOARD!!!