The ex-Psych prof and I had a teacher/student relationship... it didn't even get to casual dating (I once joked he wasn't worth a one night stand-OUCH) It was still abusive. Still had all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship, including the outright abuse&cruelty of the final D&D. I trusted the ex-P... because he was a teacher. (By Psych I mean psychopath, not psychology, tho his father is a professor of psychology) One of my friends said after the final D&D, that my experience was like "being molested by a beloved uncle." Someone in a position of respect, authority&trust. Unlike some Ns/Ps in positions of power, his mistreatment of me was incredibly PUBLIC. He didn't cultivate the "nice guy" public image while being vile behind closed doors. Yet he claimed he was nice in private, tho vile in public, comparing himself to the psychopathic Dolokhov in "War and Peace" who cares for his elderly mother&his disabled sister... while being sadistic in war, a drunk&a womanizer.
My former Narc boss and I were in a supervisor/employee relationship. He was open about being gay&had a boyfriend... so romance didn't even enter into the equation. I was glad to no longer have him as a boss. He was mild compared to the ex-P. He was an abusive boss. I worked with him for 5 years... and for awhile, I had PTSD as a result.
I get so much from your posts, and yet my N was extremely sexual, and we had a very romantic and sexual r/s. Our stories are so different, but a narc is a narc is a narc. Hahaha:)
WE WERE LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE..BUT WITHOUT LIVING TOGETHER OR HAVING SEX......IT WAS ALL SO SO GOOD IN THE BEGINNING...YES,A NARC IS A NARC IS A NARC...LOL
Have to agree with Mega, bc the devastation left after the Narc is so similar regardless of the type of relationship it was, friendship, parent, boss/co-worker, sibling. As humans, we are relating to others in so many capacities. In your situation, it sounds like you trusted this person and developed a friendly r/s. I was in a partner r/s, mine was my exbf (fiance), but in that, I trusted him, opened up, and shared myself. In the end, when he discarded me, it was the ultimate betrayal. Betrayal is betrayal no matter the individuals involved. I am going to try to remember your situation, but sometimes I think one needs to apply what they can from other's posts, see the similarities where they exist, bc all of us do have uniquely different situations. For example, I think USED did not have a sexual r/s with her exN, and her posts have been a huge help to me. I hope possibly the "at work" forum is more what you're looking for if this forum isn't suiting your needs.
Which further garnered my trust for him, as we had similar faiths. I always learned the Golden Rule, but apparently he missed that. There is where I think you take what you can. I read your posts too where you said, you did not have "feelings" for him. This I think you are meaning "love" feelings in a partner r/s, but even friendships contain "feelings" of caring. I see how you might feel a trust betrayal, but I just think you wouldn't confide in someone you didn't trust, and thus liked (feelings) on a certain level. This happens with therapists too, and is why it's so important to like your therapist. Nothing wrong with feelings of respect, like, admiration...
I'm so traumatized by this because he has no idea the state of mind I have been in since my fathers death. Before I even contacted him initially I was in a partial hospitalization program because I was suicidal.
Every day it takes a lot for me to just get out of bed, so when he came along, it was a breath of fresh air to have SOMEONE to just listen to me and tell me they understood me.
You see, when you suffer with depression, no one takes to time to understand or have compassion for what you are going through. I know my thinking is askew, but for him to tell me that it didn't bother him was a first for me because no one has ever told me that my depression doesn't bother them and because of it, I just trusted him. It was like for me I had developed that older brother I've always wanted.
I'm just being honest with how i feel. If I could hurt him, I would. He has pushed me to the edge.
Luckyspur said, they sense it, like sharks sense prey. They are also good at making you feel 100% accepted, warts and all, like no one could ever "love" or care so for you. I was very vulnerable when I met mine. I had had surgeries that left me housebound. My family was far away. They couldn't help, but also had never been close. They rarely, if ever called. I met my exN online and the rest is history. He gave me companionship, began to call everyday! "How was I feeling? How were my appointments? Praying for me...kisses and hugs...sending love..." My world once again opened up. It was bright again. My moments of physical pain lessened. YOU have been traumatized. It's what these sickos do. I know that feeling of not being able to get out of bed... We all have been taken under their charm and spell. Then they ride off into the sunset unphased or seemingly so. We all have been prey. That's why we're fortunate or by the grace of God (for me) to have found ourselves here. I really hope this helps. Be good to yourself today. The narc you came across isn't any different. What is it Hunter always says, "Same guy (or gal), different body." God bless and hugs!
My former female narc used to tell me that she had a psychic "gift" of being able to walk into any room and tell you exactly what each person in that room was feeling. I thought she was nuts & she is, but she was right. Narcs have a "learned" gift of feeding off others emotions. And just like how some wild animals attack their own when they are hurt, I see that as how a Narc reacts when they see someone they perceive as being "hurt". "Hurt" people make great targets because they are so in need of love and comfort that the Narc comes to the rescue only to leave the hurting person worse off than when they found them.
This sounds like a major betrayal thing for you. He presented himself as holier than thou and turned out to be a mean cruel piece of crap, basically. He sucked you in and then spit you out. Must hurt terribly and also completely confusing to you.
I think that many of us have had narcs in our lives who we did not have a relationship with who have hurt us. I am wondering if the posters just did not realize what you were saying.
I certainly have, they are all over the place and it is a horrific sense of betrayal to open up to someone and have them D&D you, especially if you thought he was a Christian. That was one of the first things I learned in church was just because someone was a Christian, it did not make them a saint and it is painful to watch and experience someone who uses his holy name to use, abuse, and control another.
God bless,
Goldie
What about the Narc @ Work section? Also, I think there was a couple a few months ago who were posting here together who were "charmed" and manipulated by a spiritual healer (their stories were in the Share Your Story section). Finally, people like LuckySpurs have dealt with female exN-friends who wreaked havoc.
I know your experience is different, but it seems that the after effects seem to be the same for everyone - no matter the length of the relationship, gender of the partners, or status of the relationship (friends, lovers, even parents). I hope you can find some comfort in other people's experiences - just to make more sense of the process.
I'm sorry you're still confused/hurting
xxx
Mega
I didn't even know about that board.
Its hard to tell which is a forum and which is an article on here because its not set up like most forums.
Thanks!
All the choices are on the LEFT in pink when you first come on and are on the home page. We have forums: Steps 1-3, steps 4-6, narc @ work, It's all about her. We have blogs: which are written by Lisa, Goldie,and the Mod Squad Blog. You go to Lisa's blog, Goldie's Blog, Mod Squad Blog, and we have share your story: for more indepth details about what brought you here. About us: tells you about the moderators. Narcspeak: deciphers what they are really saying. This is how you get into the various sections. We have Private Messaging on the lower RIGHT hand corner if you want to PM a member or moderator.
Hope this helps.
God bless,
Goldie
It's still painful
KIZZY72
You're welcome, USED
CALIGIRL
kizzy72, I see the conundrum, but I
Mine was a Christian too
I'm so traumatized by this.........
Yes, they sense vulnerability like
A Narc's "Sick Sense"
I just read your last few posts
What about the Narc @ Work
oh!
Kizzy