Another step back

I've been doing so well the past few days.

Managed to stay strong and ignore his attempts of attention seeking when his friend died.

Decided to drag myself out of the house last night and go for a few drinks with friends. Was having a great time, started to let my hair down and started to laugh again. Then I get a text from my friend...

She had just bumped into exN in a bar. As she'd had too much to drink she thought it was a great idea to confront him about the way he's treated me.

Told him he was completely out of order for the way he ended things without a real explanation and even explained to him that despite all he's done I still care about him and have been worried about him and that he doesn't deserve someone so caring. GREAT.

Not only do I NOT want him to know I've been worried about him or that I'm thinking about him but his reaction has left me reeling again.

He was completely indifferent. Didn't give a shit. Even walked off whilst she was still talking to him.

I'm now experiencing the pain of contact AGAIN even though I haven't made contact.

I wish he'd just disappear. Move away and leave me to rebuild my life without having to hear about him.

It still hurts so bad that he just doesn't even care that he's ripped my world apart.

I've also decided to go to the clinic tomorrow and get tested. I was tested just before I met him and once during our relationship. If it comes back that he's given me something I will know that he was definitely unfaithful. I'm not sure how I'll cope if that happens.

Fingers crossed I get the all clear.