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Another request

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#1 Dec 28 - 8PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Another request

Just received another request from STBXPNH. Once again he commented on kids so that I would read email. Then he stated at the end that I need to honor his and his girlfriends privacy in the likely hood that she may try to contact me again.

WTF? I didn't respond to him, and I will not respond to her. SHe is blocked on my computer and cell. I am not shocked but once again horrified that he feels it is fine to ask his STBX wife to protect his lies to his gf.

Part of me would love to send to her and tell her allthis crap, but I ultimately, I really don't want to get involoved.

Dec 29 - 3PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

When you don't want to get

When you don't want to get involved your head is in the right place. there is no winning, justice, or benefit in dealing with these people. Also why would you care what this imbecile wants you to do. He isn't controlling or manipulating you anymore and the girlfriend will be devalued soon and feel destroyed. Keep on going up the road and put as much emotional distance between this guy and yourself. They have a way of keeping your brain focused on their crazy stuff instead of your stuff. It happens with everyone. they are very skilled at emotional control. What is up for you for the next year? do you have some things you would like to have, or to do, or to experience? Write them down read them at New Years then read them aloud for 22 days, and after that read them every night before you go to sleep. iwish for you positive dreams and great success, your next year will be wonderful.
Dec 29 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

you are all correct

You are all correct. I have no desire to communicate with her at all. I am just sitting back and watching them implode on themselves. In the meantime, I am really looking forward to next year. There are lots of great things in the kids and my future. If there is any advice I could give any other women who have lived through something similar to what I have gone through, it is this. Even though every cell in your body wants to seek revenge, in time things will take care of themselves. Move forward. Take care of yourselves and your children, and justice will be served in its own time. You don't have to do anuything but keep on living the most positive, worthwhile life you can. There is no way to loose with this formula.
Dec 29 - 10AM
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

malloryforest

Just wanted to know how long has he been with the girlfriend? While he's with her it's best to stay out. She needs to get away from him before she contacts you. TOO much trouble for you otherwise

Ending the dance

Dec 29 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

a year and a half

He has been having an affair with her for a year and a half. i found out after I gave birth to our daughter. A year ago, with his consent, the kids and I moved back to my home town, half way across the country. She moved into our marital home the same weekend the kids and I moved out. She has been living in my house for the past year.
Dec 29 - 10AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

privacy

My N was also into his "privacy." I had to respect his "privacy." Actually, privacy of the family is a big issue in Saudi Arabia as well, or so I have read. Whenever my N spoke about privacy, & respecting privacy, I saw it as code word for "control." I wouldn't bother answering him.
Dec 29 - 4AM
grossot
grossot's picture

mallory

Once again he commented on kids so that I would read email. Can you set stricter boundaries? Such as, 'you may only email me on (ie: Wednesday nights between 8 and 10pm)? You may not discuss you gf. You may only inquire of the children's welfare in your emails. Otherwise, I will not respond. Rest assured you will be notified if there is an emergency with the children. Or Can you have a third party involvement? Ie: if you have concerns for the children please notify so and so; that person will decide if your concerns are legitimate enough to pass on tom me. He has to assume that the children are fine in your care. He has no other choice. There is no other reason to contact you other than his concern for his childrens' welfare - of which we know he has none) http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Dec 28 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory - STBXNPH

I'd bet g'friend is starting to ask questions and figure things out. Talking to you would be the nail in his coffin... so stay out of it. He's playing on your compassion. Send that note to your lawyer. If the divorce goes to court make SURE g'friend is there. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 28 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

nail in his coffin

So, if talking to her would be the nail in his coffin, maybe i would want to talk to her?
Dec 28 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

nah - because then you'll be blamed, he'll use it against you in court... tooooo problematic. No talking to her until he signs everything and its all done and there's NOTHING he can hold over your or the kids' heads. Your time for retribution is coming... just don't let it mess up your legal proceedings right now. and get a CONTEMPT ORDER if he doesn't sign by a SPECIFIC DATE... don't let him exploit and ENDLESS LOOPHOLE. Tell your lawyer & demand it! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website