ANGRY DAY

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#1 Jun 13 - 1PM
Sparrow
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ANGRY DAY

Hello ladies.

I am angry today. Wierd, I am not usually angry. Today, I was scrolling through my pictures on my cell phone and came across one of my N. I deleted ALL of them I thought. It made me sick to look at it. It made me angry to look at it. It made me think of all the things he has done to me and how I allowed it month after month after month. These are some examples of what he has done, and I remained with him.........

* June - Our first night together, after "love"making (what a joke) he walked me to my car in the city, we could not find the parking garage, my sandle broke and he got very agitated.....I told him to go back to his hotel, I would find my car on my own. He went back to his hotel and I wandered the streets bare foot and half drunk alone in the middle of the night. When I did find it, I cried the whole ride home. I was devastated.

* July - He knew it was my birthday, we spoke of it many times because of all the differnet plans my friends, family and I had made for different celebrations. He NEVER wished me Happy Birthday, nor did he send me a card or a gift, NOTHING.

* August - He had been begging me to come see him in his homestate and when I finally told him that I would come for a long weekend during Labor Day, he NEVER called me back to firm up. Took him 2 weeks after Labor Day.

* September - I invited him to come to my homestate and spend a long weekend at the beach. He said Yes, he would love to. I booked the place and sent in my deposit. He decide a week before that to stop talking to me and didn't starta again until after that trip came and went.

* October - Went on a little trip with him to Florida. I flew to him while he was on business. First night was great, 2nd night not so great, 3rd day.......he ignored me the entire day. Watched tv, didn't look at me, talk to me or touch me. Put me in a cab to the airport as though to send me on my way.

* Novemeber - Flew to be with him in his homestate. Had a great time the 1st night, ok the 2nd, same thing as last time........unattentive, almost as if he couldn't be bothered. Drove me to the airport, did not wait for me, just dropped me off at the curb and I sat inside the airport for 3 hours alone. Didn't call to wish me Happy Thanksgiving the following weekend, didn't call until late that evening.

* December - The holidays came and went, no card, no gift, no holiday greetings. When he returned my call, he said he doesn't like bothering people on the holidays. Bullshit! He speaks French, I don't, but I sent him a French Christmas card and wrote a note translated from English to French telling him how much he meant to me. I also sent him a card from his dog. Nothing, not even a thank you. I finally asked if her ever received them thinking maybe, just maybe, they got lost in the mail. He responded "oh yeh, I did".

* January - He invited me to his place New Years Eve weekend, I had already made plans to go to Jamaica with my friends for the New Years. He never called to wish me Happy New Years.

* February - Valentines Day came and went - I flew to Oregon to meet him for a long weekend. Same as the other trips, 1st night great, 2nd ok, last day, ugh.....he didn't drive me to the airport although he had a rental car, he didn't feel like driving so he poured me into a cab and sent me on my way.

* March - I flew out to him AGAIN! This time the 1st night was great, 2nd night SUCKED. I watched him watch the basketball game for hours. I told him I hated BB and that we only have til tomorrow and then I flew 2000 miles to be with him. He said "I know, but this is the final four" He never played basketball, never followed it that I was aware of.

* April - Invited him to come to me this time....he always makes excuses. Told me he would come in the summer when it was hot and we could go to the beach. I pressed the issue and he got angry with me and went off the grid again. I discovered he was on Match.com and probably has been this entire time.....he was not aware that I knew.

* May - Set in "Operation Blue Eyed Monster" mission in to place to expose him and be done with him once and for all. Mission accoumplished on 5/30........NC ever since. Hasn't been long but I have no desire to see or speak to him. Changed all my contact info and I don't need to worry about him showing up at my door. Hell, I couldn't get him here on a good day.

Today..........I am very angry. I am not sure if I am more angry at myself or him. What a complete utter waste of time it was to be involved with him. That is 1 year of my life I will never get back. AND, the ONLY year of my life I regret. I am fortunate in that aspect, that it was only a year............but today, I am really ANGRY.

Thanks for listening to me rant.............

*

Jun 14 - 8AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

He sounds like a low

He sounds like a low life..........
Jun 14 - 6AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

sarasmile, EXACTLY!! It was

sarasmile, EXACTLY!! It was an awesome exercise for me. Boy, when you write it and read it, you are right, you smack yourself in the head and say to yourself "My God, who was this person? I don't know her at all!" I would have NEVER put up with that baloney before. It's amazing how vulnerability can affect you and the things that happen to you.
Jun 14 - 6AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I guess we have to always

I guess we have to always remember that they aren't all N's........hard to at first I am sure. I know myself, I NEVER want to go through what I have been through ever again. With that said, I am going to wait a little while longer before venturing out into the dating world!
Jun 14 - 6AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

You too?! Everyone seems to

You too?! Everyone seems to have gone through this same scenerio! Are we sure we weren't dating the same narcs? LOL Too funny.......... All kidding aside, makes me a little afraid to ever get involved with a man again.
Jun 14 - 5AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Me neither! I tried the

Me neither! I tried the dating site at the coaxing of some friends.........I swear to you when I tell you, I was on for not even 10 minutes and this was the dialog....... Good morning, my name is Allan. Good morning Allan. I am new to this site, bear with me while I try to navigate. What are you doing for lunch? I am not sure, why? Because I thought maybe you would like to meet for lunch. SERIOUSLY? HE THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE TO MEET HIM FOR LUNCH? HE DIDN'T KNOW ME, WE HAD NO DIALOG BEFORE THE ABOVE.......WHY WOULD HE THINK I WOULD MEET HIM FOR LUNCH THAT SAME DAY? Needless to say, I cancelled that membership IMMEDIATELY and got my refund.......unbelievable. CREEPS!!!!!
Jun 14 - 6AM (Reply to #19)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Sparrow

Allan sounds like a real winner! LOL LOL!!!! Geez! I'm glad you cancelled your membership. I hope you have a better day today Sparrow! The angry days are hard but getting it out makes it easier to deal with. Also, when you write about the stupid things they did and you re-read what you wrote it is like smacking yourself in the head and saying "Ugh...what was I thinking!" Have a great day!! Sara
Jun 13 - 10PM
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

Sparrow...

You are ENTITLED TO AN ANGRY DAY! The anger I have is lasting a "season"....I loved all the comments about how they are all the same.At age 18 the Narc that emotionally abused my daughter is JUST EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESCRIBE! It blows my mind that they can be as young as that. It so shows that is how they are wired : /
Jun 13 - 9PM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

oh they are all the same, the

oh they are all the same, the same, the same why don't they teach us this stuff in school instead of the life cycle of the fruit fly? I thought reading a bit of it, wow, maybe she dated the same guy? jerks I consider the 3 months that I "spent" (we only saw each other 3 times total, the rest was calls, texts and skype) as getting off easy compared to others here. The horror of discovering just who he was is a shock that rocked me to the core of my being. How could I have been fooled, so blind, etc? When I found this place I learned exactly how, they are experts and we are their prey. NOT ANYMORE!!
Jun 13 - 8PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I'm wondering

if Match.com is giving out discounts to large groups of Narcs. They couldn't pay me enough to go on there it sounds like your guaranteed to get a Narc. My ExN is so retarded he's on My Space, recycling.
Jun 14 - 4AM (Reply to #15)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Guarantee

At this point, I feel like I'm guaranteed to get a narc by going to my *mailbox*. I won't touch a dating site with a ten-foot pole!
Jun 14 - 4AM (Reply to #14)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

so true Ruby!

so true Ruby!
Jun 13 - 7PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

thanks girls! you all rock!

thanks girls! you all rock!
Jun 13 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Sparrow

Welcome to my world! Same asshole different body ! Hunter
Jun 14 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
dudette
dudette's picture

Hunter

Cheap bastards One xmas two years ago, my n gave me a memory stick full of songs. It was gold and I noticed that his initials were engraved in it. he said his daughter had given it to him as a present.... I downloaded the song and gave the stick back, I felt it was too good for me to keep (go figure) I now believe that the stick was a present from OW... and probably so were the songs.... Sicko.....
Jun 14 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
Used
Used's picture

ANOTHER REALIY CHECK..ONCE

ANOTHER REALIY CHECK..ONCE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY HIS YOUNGER SISTER HAD BOUGHT HIM A WATCH...I BELIEVED IT UNTIL I FOUND OUT RECENTLY THEY HAVENT SPOKEN IN 5YEARS...HIS OW BOUGHT THE WATCH I KNOW IT..AND I HAD TO STUDY THE BLOODY THING ,HE TOOK IT OFF POINTED OUT THE NUMERALS..WTF.THE STRAP AND SO ON AND LIKE AN IDIOT I AM SAYING ,OH ITS REALY LOVELY..REALY CLASSY[SO WHAT WAS HE DOING WITH IT ON HIS WRIST...HE IS BRASS NOT CLASS]...I NEVER EVER BOUGHT HIM A CARD OR GIFT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY COS I ALWAYS HAD THE FEELING THAT HE THOUGHT ANY ONE WHO DID WAS AN IDIOT...I AM SO GLAD I DIDNT.
Jun 14 - 7AM (Reply to #10)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Used: Unbelievable! Brass

Used: Unbelievable! Brass balls the size of elephant! God, they are such liars!!!!!! and losers! You were right in not sending yours cards. They don't appreciate it nor will they reciprocate.....jerks.
Jun 14 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
Used
Used's picture

HE BOUGHT ME QUITE A

HE BOUGHT ME QUITE A LOT..CLOTHES JEWELLERY SHOPPING... BUT HERE'S WHAT HE TOLD HIS OW[WHO HE HAD BOUGHT NOTHING FOR HE IS VERY MEAN]...HIM.. I WAS MANIPULATED INTO BUYING IT ALL..AND WHAT HE SAID TO ME WHEN HE BOUGHT IT...YOU COULD BUY THESE THINGS TEN TIMES OVER IF YOU WANTED TO...SO MY TAKE ON THAT WAS I GOT THEM B/C I COULD HAVE AFFORDED THEM..IF I COULDNT HAVE AFFORDED THEM I WOULDNT HAVE GOT THEM...SUCH A LOWLIFE PEASANT..
Jun 14 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

A memory stick of songs?

A memory stick of songs? Under normal circumsatnces, that may be taken as romantic........but that was it? He was a cheap bastard as well! Sorry Dudette!
Jun 14 - 7AM (Reply to #7)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

They ARE cheap

They ARE cheap bastards!!!!!!!!! I never received a gift from my N........now, my N ex husband, he gave me gifts, gifts he always benefited from. But my last N, he never gave me a thing, not even a card. Also, never took me to dinner, sat across the table from one another. He would always to me to a bar, eat appetizers at the bar. One time we actually had to eat breakfast at a bar. I am really short and it was quite uncomfortable sitting at a bar trying to eat breakfast.....it was weird, don't know why we always had to sit at a bar. The other thing is he drank EVERY day.......never saw or heard him drunk, but he drank every day. I believe he was self medicating.......
Jun 13 - 2PM
LostandFound
LostandFound's picture

Been there...

...a few times. Funny my exN never celebrated any birthdays, holidays, etc. He said since his mum died 7 years ago there was no point. He was a cheap f*ck and only spent on himself. We also planned trips that I made deposits on that never happened. He conveniently planned surgery on his leg so he couldn't fly back to the states to meet my family the second time he did it again. Found excuses to not go on planned trips or holidays. He never took me out for a meal or on a date without me paying for something. I also experienced that anger after NC. The anger at HIM, at MYSELF at EVERYTHING. It has taken time but now the anger is less often. Sadly there are moments I could scream so I do it into a pillow and punch a pillow till I can't anymore. Then I go on with my day...silly but it works for me. I also am going to the gym more often to try and work it out of myself. Not sure if it's working but my health is a bit better!!! :-)
Jun 13 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Kickboxing works for me. I

Kickboxing works for me. I just picture his face on the bag and I punch and punch and punch! LOL It makes me so mad that I was looking at this man with only one eye and a fools heart. How could I have been so stupid? I would have never allowed someone to treat me that way in the past? Thats why I am so angry at myself. There are many, many other things to write, but just wanted to touch base on each and every month that I wasted with that man. Ewwww..... And on top of all of that, we found ourselves without protection, which I ALWAYS supplied, I trusted him........big mistake......and now have an STD. Nothing too alarming, but still.....again, I am angry at myself and my poor judgement I guess more than I am at him at this point. That is probably normal......Thanks for listening. :)
Jun 13 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
LostandFound
LostandFound's picture

Normal...

Normal for getting through and over emotional abuse because that is what we have all experienced. Oh and the STD - everytime I had penetrative sex with my exN I ended up with a UTI. He REFUSED to take antibiotics and blamed me. He then had problems urinating and then complete sexual dysfunction. When we got back together for 2 weeks he couldn't be with me because he has an infection on his TONGUE. He said he hadn't slept with the multiple women he had been with during the 2 months we had been apart. Yup I am sure no SLEEP was involved. Disgusting pig. Since I left him I have been with a wonderful patient understanding man who, funny enough, I have never had a UTI with and with him I am remembering what it is to trust a bit and laugh a lot and see the goodness in a man. Sadly there are moments when I wonder who he is texting or talking to or who is that female on his FB page but I push those thoughts away and remind myself that not every man is my exN.
Jun 14 - 6AM (Reply to #4)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

LostandFound

I'm glad you brought up the little jabs of mistrust you have in the new guy in your life. I'm having the same thing happen with this lovely man in my life. All he has to do is mention a woman he knows or a friend's wife that he talked to when he picked him up, etc--and I go all mistrusting and have to stop myself from just abandoning the whole thing. He is the sweetest thing in the whole world and I am being very careful to not lose myself in it, but I feel like I am holding back everything because I think he is going to dump me once he knows I like him!