Angry

Left my ex six or so months ago, and now am just finding out that he was or is a narsisist, I went through HELL!! I knew from day one there was something wrong with him I just knew it all the signs were there, that's why I shut him down the first time he approached me but then he turned up again two years later and to be honest I was in a very bad place, I had nothing going for me and to top it off I had a small baby and lonely and he was really surportive so I gave in and let this monster into me and my baby's lives. I had doubts early on I would talk to my friend and she would say that all men are the same and that I should be patient. His words doesn't go together with his actions, he Lies like no other, he treats me like a whore, everytime I bring up an issue he makes me feel like am crazy, he called my ex my baby's father to get information about me despite the fact that I explained everything that has happened between us, I fell out of love with him I think the first six month together but by that time I was already pregnant, it wasn't a gud pregnancy I was sick the whole nine month and vulnerable and he kept asking me for sex saying that it was his right if I say no he would say that I don't love him that I am faking being sick, I almost died giving birth he didn't even bother to be there with me during the delivery, the baby didn't make it. I was in mourning and he kept wanting me to be ok so he can have sex with me, I don't how many times I broke up with him but he always manages to get me to take him back he wanted me to put him first ahead of my child and myself and that thankfully I cudnt do, it pissed him off he used every tactics to break me by showing me pictures of his exes telling me that they are so beautiful when I have gained weight from stress when I lost my son, then he tried coming after my child telling me how bad she is bcoz she doesn't love him, my child is five years old, so that was like a wake up call for me, among with other things I said no more so I went no contact for the second time and for gud this time he thought if he loved bomb me I would fall for it like other times it has been almost eight month, a bit of a glitch few weeks back when I send him a msgs giving him a piece of my mind but then I went right back to no contact didn't even wait for his reply changed my number email everything and am looking to move to a new place coz he keeps sending me letters which I don't read. For the most part am ok my child is happier but sometimes I just feel so angry that I was able to take all of that learning more about narsisism now I realised I was raised by a bunch of them I have already cut them all out before I even knew what they were and now that I know I am never looking back.
If I could just go back and not second guess myself I would.

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