Before and after..

What a difference 4 months makes...

Before: constant feeling of dread waiting for the shit to hit the fan
Now: relaxed and enjoying my time as it happens in the moment

Before: always analyzing, obsessing and second guessing myself
Now: a mind free and clear without worry and confusion

Before: putting my wants and needs on the back burner so as not to upset the apple cart and create strife
Now: putting myself and my kids first

Before: constant criticism over minor things and always having to defend the choices I made as a person and a parent
Now: knowing my decisions are never questioned except by myself

Before: never receiving support in moments when I needed it, just brushed aside as the subject is changed onto trivial matters unrelated
Now: support from my friends who really listen and only advise only if I ask

Before: waiting for him to call me back because he said he'd call back in a few minutes so I'd hold off on what I was doing only to be called back hours later
Now: no more waiting and using my time to the fullest

Before: waiting for him when he's habitually late
Now: no more waiting and using my time to the fullest

Before: trying to keep a perfect house with two kids and telling my kids to wash a fork if they used it and put it back in the drawer
Now: living like normal people in a house with kids where things aren't perfect but we're relaxed and happy

Before: having to listen to the same old conversations about his worries and his stresses and support support support
Now: listen to my friends and be there for them as support

Before: complaining about the relationship to anyone who would listen (my poor friends)
Now: no more complaining...nothing to complain about

Before: restless sleep, upset stomach, losing weight
Now: sleep like a baby, eating fine, gained a few pounds :-)

Before: always on my kids to be perfect because he strives for perfection in everything and continually having to defend letting them be children
Now: letting my children be who they are with rules and boundaries that are sometimes broken, but lessons are taught

Before: silent treatments, phones hung up, driving off in the middle of the night
Now: no turmoil whatsoever

Before: bolstering his ego and making him feel good about himself when he's down
Now: bolstering my ego and making me feel good about myself

Before: being rejected because he's too tired, it's too often, he has to get up early
Now: hey, I can help myself any time I want!

Before: listening to drunken phone calls either angry over nothing or sentimental beyond normal
Now: no more late nights when I'm tired and have to work the next day

Before: always thinking he was lying to me, talking to old girlfriends, seeing someone new, suspicious and feeling big red flags waving
Now: I know I'm not lying to myself so I have nothing to worry about

Before: my life revolved around his life and his schedule and he would not bend his schedule on days where I couldn't bend mine
Now: my schedule is mine to do what I want with, go where I want with who I want when I decide

Before: a fucked up existence
Now: peace