alone sucks

because i too lived it.....he wanted nothing more than to take from me everything i had ever wanted...a home...some secur ity....a little peace and quiet....he wanted to take from me everything i ever cared about....and he did....he used to scream at me...'when i'm through with you you'll have nothing'....he meant it...... when i asked him to help buy some dog food he said...'i hope all of you starve to death'...and he meant it.... they're vicious...and they mean every word of it...the more they can make us suffer, the better they feel.... i feel like i have slipped through the looking glass....and everything i once loved and had is right on the other side of it....but i can't get back to it...and i never will......

i was lonely for the 15 years i lived with the monster......you can be alone without being lonely...and be lonely without being alone.... the most lonely i ever felt was when i was living with him.. when he was heapin the endless abuse on me...and although i had a few freinds back then....and still had people i was in contact with.....i was profoundly lonely...because they didn't understand...and didn't want to.....

The only antidote for being lonely is being alone. It is not always fun. I am 48 due to being married to a cerebral N until around 40 I do not have children. Sometimes I feel very alone -and sometimes I remember when, a year ago, it felt good to have the house clean, him home, watching a movie after dinner...all homey and nice. He was cheating on me, told me in November how much he hated me at that time. So, alone is ok. I do hope to meet a nice man that I love and who honestly loves me. But, right now, being alone is important and is getting more fun than it was a few months ago. Peace. J

I'm alone too. My XN was my lover, so only my best friend knew about him. I moved to a new small town, worked out at a gym and met my XN there. I began seeing him a month later. After 5 yrs, and not having time to make friends-I only have acquaintances. I had regretfully given so much of myself to my XN the past 5 yrs.and feel I've neglected my kids and family emotionally as well as mentally. My best friend lives in another state and thank God she understands fully as her ex bf was a cerebral narcissist. My family knows nothing of him either. And frankly, I'm glad I have kept him in the "dark" so to speak, cause that's where he belongs. I'm thankful for this site as I feel we are all friends. We all share a common interest..or a bad experience and still we're able to open our hearts to others.

The last time I had a big group of girlfriends was in college. My two boyfriends were control freaks and I lived with each of them for 5 years, a total of ten years. They were so over-the-top about me doing anything with my friends, that I just stopped. After I got out of my last relationship, (6 years ago), with an N, I was drained. I was in a dead-end job and was isolated. I didn't feel like I had anything to offer anybody because I was so lethargic. I dated online for 4 years during this time, and ended up dating N's or Sociopaths, etc. I had no idea what I was dealing with and wondered why none of these men were interested in me. Why they were such flakes, only wanted sex, etc. This lowered my self-confidence even more. I was just starting to branch out and begin a life for myself, when I met the last one. This only officially lasted 1 1/2 months because I knew what I was dealing with at that point. I had been reading books about emotional blackmail and manipulation because of one of the people that I was working for, put me through the wringer. The time it took to "break-up" with him was longer than I had even "been" with him!! It was ridiculous, but mostly because I worked with him and I needed my own closure. Now that I am officially done with the last N, I am looking forward to building my own life. I am taking classes to improve my job skills. I have not reached the point where I have had enough motivation to meet new people. I do have a few friends, however they are in relationships and starting families. Because of all of these bad experiences, I am a stronger, less naive person. My confidence isn't suffering like it used to, but like you guys, I do feel alone. I feel like I have lost so much of my life and wasted it giving to people that truly never deserved my loyalty. I'm now at the point where I need to start a new career and I feel so stuck! Sorry for the b*tch-fest, I haven't shared that with anyone but my family. They don't understand my lack of motivation in "getting out there" again. Not necessarily to date, just to live. I do feel your pain and I think that many on here are in the same boat. Maybe we should start some sort of a motivational program to help us build ourselves back up? What do you guys think?

everytime i read about these bastards ignoring their children.....i told all the dogs and cats that the bastard was dead..long before he really was dead....they didn't question it....he was gone...dead to them.....wasn't hurting them anymore.... let's hope TexN that you can soon tell you daughter that he's dead and won't be coming back....and that it will be the truth...that piece of trash isn't fit to live.......

I soo get the part where they try to play "the father of the year". My exN couldn't give a rat's ass about our daughter & never helped with her. He's seen her twice in two years. Both times he introduced her to his new gf's! Then he has no use for her again. The sad thing is, she cries for him & he doesn't give a shit about her! I wish i could tell her he was dead so she could deal with it & move on!

yes....i used to have lots of real life friends....and they all slowly fell by the wayside...some because of the way he isolated me....some when i lost my house...some when i slipped into poverty.....some when they tried to convince me to 'dump' my dogs and cats who are my family....and some because they just did not understand PTSD...that he was a psychopath....even my own brother dumped on me...blaming me....then i dumped him.... so i am very much alone...except for the people i know here...i feel like a leper.....i am a leper.... i feel completely estranged from this world...... and i don't know what i can do about it.... i feel your pain....

I am so sorry you feel so alone, I was lucky that both times I got caught up with a N I had my own friends but sometimes I feel alone too. I have got involved in voluntary work for charity organisations and made some new friends through doing that. Just keep busy with anything and everything and pampered the life out of myself at home as money is tight. I found that telling myself that I felt just as alone when I was with him, once I had been devalued, helped. I'm dating myself now for a while.

I feel the same. I used to be so outgoing and loved to be out with my girls at the club or the beach, but three years have passed since me being with him and my friends have gotten married, had babies and moved away...I have my two kids and they keep me busy as well but I have some time by myself and being alone does suck, no matter how many paintings, books I read, shows I watch, or reorganizing I do. I try to stay busy but...sometimes it's just not enough.