For all of you that want him to come back or contact you again.....

Wow... U and me r on the same level.. My mum is NARC associated (with my dad) , so not evil to the core becasue she loved us very much, she came from poor mining town so it wasn't easy but she was warm when we were children and did her best... but as I grew, she got harder and bitter and my angry at my dad for his critical menacing selfishness and then it ensewed, years of bad relationships looking for a father figure like my pops, but also not like him paradoxically.. .. I just cant get away rom my NARC. He makes NC harder than playing ball with a octopus. He is king of manipulation. He keeps coming round telling me he wants me to sell the house, (I told him already that I was gong to try sell house) He wants me to move into rented place, he will do up house and then sell it FOR US!!! Its mostly my 'investment' courtesy of my mother, who has been throwing money at me for years becasue she its easier than relating emotinially. GREAT>>>Not really.. always being damaging.. though she doesnt have much really she always gives it to me.. Though dont get me wrong, I am independent and hard working.. anyway...... I have had a long story to cut short..Sorry... I wanted a baby for many years and was childless (proly needed to nurture, as it was innate in me) (like you rainbow1, you said you have a big heart), anyway, he wanted to procreate because he wanted to get his kid/kids in the world... Perfect way for him to secure easy meat- sources of secondry supply... he said and did everything it took. AS it goes I would have rather she helped me when my son was older to buy house but she insisted on rail roading me into buying house with NARC husband that incedentally she went wild when I said I Was marrying him, absolutly wild... I dont know the house is a bigger 'tie' to me than the marrige. Its doesn't cost anything to mainatain a marriage seperatly forn the person you married too.. . But the bloody house is a night mare and living seperatly we loose more money from the state. Its all a bloody shambles but I get driven in and out of his messy life. HE Doesn't stick to plans, breaks agreements, forgets and convenitanly rembers the things I said and fights over coming in and cleaning my house that he says needs cleaning and that he is looking out for his son by keeping control over our sons room... He uses My son to get into my house and stay over. I try to take keys away once and he threathed to take away the things he gives me financially and the food he sometimes buys for our boy. When the shit hits the fan and he is trying to pull me back in. He doesn't realise that I have been here before! Not the same level of manipulation, no not at all.. much less manevolent with last NARC. BUT When a NARC has you under that control and doesn't let you go it can really fuck you up. ETC ETC.. But I remain NC I do as much as I can. AS much as I can.. but the manipulation It can be over powering. I am more ill than I can tell you.. SO I UNDERSTAND>>> I FELL YOUR STRUGGLE>>>but you dont have children do you?>>> ITS A GIFT FOR GETTING OUT... I love my boy but its part if the struggle for power in my life.. So You can get out. SO GET OUT STAY OUT.. REMEMBER.. these guys are masters of disguises and charm and even nasty behaviour that keeps you locked in... pure destruction. Instantly. when he people he meets he can be either charm fiercely or shame publicly and so people are either drawn or repelled to him in minutes of meeting. If I didnt have the money things keeping me bound I would be out but my son goes to steiner school and it costs money.. . My son is the single most importnat thing in the world so I stay as NC as I can and I never speak to him and I try not to have to listen to him but he does try to make me hear him and gets nastier sna s nartier as I stay disconnected.... I struggle to find a way to have my own finances so that I can be free again.. . SO I get your pain and your fears.. Its hard because the moment these guys come into the room the begin to suck your energy out of you, depleting you of you "feeing light energtic body" the part of you that is meant to be open and ready for relationships.. ... AND YOU WILL feel drained around these people. They make you loose your sense of 'balance' and you will always feel unstable and unable to heal. Thats why you felt so bad driving over there.. If you really want to heal then remember he doesn't want that. If you become brighter still that you are already he will attack your light with his dark.. His lonely isolated dark inner core that has offended everyone and lost everyone he has known to the issues that he refuse to address in himself.. You cant help him, the very nature of his soul is coloured with this mess of a life he has built and the weird thing about pathalogicals is they have the skill to refrain from too much intrspection and can tell them selves quite easily that because they control everthing and everyone as 'objetcs on the outside', refraining from true intimacy, that they are actually very happy. You are an object to him to pick up and drop at his will and so long as you condone that and comply to his picking and dropping you will be drained and unfulfilled.. GET out rainbow 1 girl and PLEASE STAY OUT>>>> You can do this I know you can... v x PEACE AND LIGHT To u..