After they detach

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#1 Oct 12 - 7AM

Anonymous (not verified)

After they detach

It has been 5 long months. It has not been easy.
There were weeks I felt so HAPPY he was gone that I thanked God/ the universe out loud. Then of course the days that I wanted him back so much that I would cry and beg God/universe to bring him back just one more time. It's been a mess.

This morning the thought that is upsetting me is: He isn't my boyfriend anymore. There is another woman who calls "N" her boyfriend. For so long he 'belonged' to me... my man. AND abruptly... just one day it all ended. HE knew it was coming, bc he was the one securing the supply for himself.. my replacement. However I had no idea that that morning I would receive and email telling me to leave him alone. I was fully committed.... had discussed baby names with him only a few days earlier and then all of a sudden it was over. I couldn't even get a phone call through to him, bc he refused to take them from me. It was a humiliating break up for me.

He has texted me only three times since he did that to me. To ask me how I am and crap. I never respond of course. I mean... why should he get any access to me after such dreadful behavior-- access DENIED. It is not your way buddy!!!

Anyway- just feeling out there alone this morning. Wanting 'my boyfriend' and not wanting him to be someone else's boyfriend. He was mine! WTF! I know I sound all crazy this morning... but it is where my emotions are at this point. Wanted to write them out... get them outta me.

I miss my boyfriend.

Jessika

#2 Oct 14 - 11PM

Marie

Jessika

I hope you are feeling better since you posted this. I remember that cycle all too well the wanting and not wanting, hating the OW... it's difficult but you will get through it. My N did the same to me. He found this OW and slowly made my life a living hell until I just broke. I was just cut off and out of his life. He would drive down my block and not even acknowledge me, I'm sure it was done intentionally. Even though I never picked up the phone to curse him out, he achieved shattering me. So many days I didn't even want to get out of bed and there were times I couldn't remember what if anything I had last eaten. Your guy sounds a lot like mine and they are never anyone's boyfriend. Mine was and probably is window shopping for the next sucker. I cried the other night because I've been feeling very lonely but not for him. Don't miss all the sadness and pain he brought into my world. Every once in awhile he makes contact with me and when he does I'm left with a feeling of sadness. Sadness because all the stuff he spews is just lies and I wonder if real love should come my way will I be able to recognize it. But keep up the NC if possible it is the best way. Hugs Marie

#3 Oct 15 - 12AM (Reply to #22)

cupcake (not verified)

Another for Marie

He is still contacting you? Still trying? What a horrible man, he just can't bare the thought of you moving away from him and being happy. I'm so sorry. I know what you mean - I got a text which is what I finalyl wanted for so long but all it did was send me back into darkness and despair and sadness and has thrown me ever since. He doesn't love me or want me, he just bored and once he has me reeled in - see ya later Cupcake! Your story from before was a big part of me blocking him and not replying. Because I know when it happened to you you were just as excited as I was to see his name and you hope he had changed and hoped it would be different. But then you told me it wasn't, he was just seeing if he could get you back and once he did... That really helped me Marie, if it wasn't for that story (and many others here) I would have jumped back in with a pathological!! hugs to you Cupcake

#4 Oct 15 - 1AM (Reply to #23)

Marie

Cupcake

Yes, believe it or not the dirtbag still continues his horrible game. After his last call a few weeks ago I once again blocked my phone. I got sick of his cheery voice inquiring how the love of his life is. I should have sent it to the OW and see what she thought of it. Unfortunately he has family and a friend in my neighborhood so will pass by. Many of the neighbors all think he's wonderful, of course they do because they've never heard what he's had to say about all of them. I've gotten caught outside cleaning up the garden for the fall and more recently with a neighbor while doing Halloween decorations. He has asked me countless times to have lunch, coffee etc...with him but never follows through. He did actually make breakfast arrangements with me but stopped by that very morning to say he couldn't meet after all. He no longer hurts me but it did make me sad. Have been feeling a little lonely lately so I don't like having the reminder of what a fool I was for this loser. I'm glad my story helped you. It's so important to maintain NC because the abuse just continues. Once the mask has been taken off even if they return to their fake self it's never quite the same. I hope you continue to move forward!

#5 Oct 15 - 9AM (Reply to #24)

Jessika (not verified)

Hello Cupcake and Marie

Thanks for asking about me. Yesterday I decided to just lurk on the board and read read read. Learn from the stories of others and also get that sense/security of 'I'm not in this alone' I also reflected a lot on the content of my therapy session from Monday. One of the big issues for me is that I don't trust myself to meet anyone normal. Even the friends I meet lately are so self centered and disgusting to me. Every boyfriend I have had has been a narc... it's just that my last one was the absolute WORSE i had ever had- as he really intimidated me with his HUGE bodybuilding size body, German accent, and his yelling and screaming at me- he was awful. I used to often feel like i was in the room with Hitler (who he loved btw... would often discuss that society always focused on the "bad things..... they didn't appreciate all the good he did for Germany!" He also admired Hitler's power and one day even rewound a scene in a documentary telling me to pay attention to Hitler's body language... he was in awe!- it used to send chills through me. I am afraid that I will always get with Narcs. That I will never get that 'normal' that i have been searching for... that family/ husband..... just normal. I live next door to an awesome little family... husband, wife and two young daughters. I see the dad in the backyard barbequing and his daughters in the pool and he is just so attentive to them and loving. Just a sweet guy! Sometimes I look at them through my window and think... I have never had that. I just want the simple things in life and it seems impossible for me to get! Why? I fear that i won't get that..... that emotional bond with a normal person. I have dumped friends bc of their selfcentered arrogant behavior..... I have a Narc mother and since I was the product of an affair (my dad cheated on his wife) he made it very clear when i was young that i was never to bother him, as his wife and kids (my half brothers and sisters) do not know that i exist. I have never had anyone in this world. All i do is take care of others (I fully support my mother-- in a separate home). I have never had a man who loved me.... and my friends ( I use the term losely) are so frigging superficial that I have let most of them go! They are mostly into looks and superficial crap that leaves me so emotionally empty. I am just tired of being in this world alone. A lifetime of no love... however just giving giving giving. I am burnt out. For the past 8 years I was also the sole guadian of my niece and nephew.... however temporarily I am trying them out with their mom again (since June). So I hope that works out! I am burnt out from giving and hoping that someone will love me... the way that I give love to other people. However it hasn't happened yet. My fear is that it will never happen. I have lost hope. I have no energy to make a life for myself and based on my life history I don't even know what to do to bring people into my life... as all I seem to do is attract narcs. I am so sad and a little hopeless now. I was never the type to give up... however with evidence in my face that I keep doing it wrong I simply dont see how I will be a mom or have a household that is safe and loving. I don't think I know how. So basically i had one of those 'cry yourself to sleep' nights last night... with thoughts of some of the bad stuff he did to me. Recalling his creepy sexual behavior.... the lies. Wanting to go back in time and protect myself. Wanting to stand up to him and not be so 'understanding' or manipulated by him. I am so disappointed in myself. All the humiliation... the crying, calling, texing him at the end and getting completely ignored and told i need help and that all i do is "scrutinize" and make him miserable and that he does not have to live like that. He can do better than me. He cooly let me go..... something he had never done before- which let me know he found a replacement for me that he was very comfortable with. I feel like my life is a mess and i am just along for the ride! I don't see what is going to make this better. Jess :-(

#6 Oct 15 - 7PM (Reply to #26)

cynthia (not verified)

Jessika

hey hope you dont mind if I interject in your feelings and what you expressed. I read somewhere on this site a good article cant find it or I would have copied and pasted, but one sentence stuck out that helped me soooo much, "your lonliness and unhappiness wont change the pathological into what you would like him to be", and I thought about that for a long time, I had hoped for so long that he would be the answer even bought into the illusion it was an escape for me. Now I try to remember whatever was missing in my life was there before he came along and still remains long after, I try not to blame him totally for the emptiness I feel, I blame him for all the horrible things he did to me and always will but if I stop and take him out of the picture I am still left with alot of the feelings you are having and it has NOTHING to do with him, its mostly things within myself. You will not always be looking out your window and wishing you had what others had, if you can love which you CAN anything is possible to have the life and or partner you have always wanted, we will NEVER NEVER have it with a pathological person, but YOU on the other hand are REAL and GENUINE and dont ever change that because you had a bad experience with a disordered person, I know I am not going to. Have some faith and trust in yourself that you have good qualities that are truly deserving of a nice healthy partner, so many of us are lost right now, I feel alone too but we can change that with a little faith in ourselves that is something I always have to work on and thats ok. Keep casting aside the superficial people in your live and go after the real thing you will find it and it doesnt get any more superficial than a Narc. Your better than that and be proud of it.

#7 Oct 15 - 11PM (Reply to #27)

Barbara (not verified)

cynthia & jessika

it was this article you are thinking of cynthia: http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/11/power-of-relapsing.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#8 Oct 16 - 5PM (Reply to #28)

cynthia (not verified)

Yes that was the one

excuses all the excuses, this hit home with me, so much of my torment was self inflicted and well they do their part too to keep us there

#9 Oct 15 - 9AM (Reply to #25)

4joys (not verified)

Jess

I can relate to your post. I am trying to make a good life for myself now. I watch who I let in because my past is like yours. The dream is a slippery slope, isnt it? We all want that. But for me, I have to not want it so bad that I shut my eyes to red flags. Thats where my trouble starts. I dont want another man in my life because I dont trust right now. But I do want healthy and true girlfriends to do things with and support each other.

#10 Oct 14 - 11PM

cupcake (not verified)

Jess

Hey beautiful how are you going? You feeling any better? I had a morning of begging God and praying too! But we know what will happen. I know you are hurting. I don't want to think of my N and his...I can't even say the word, it hurts too much! I know it is easy to think of them happy out there with someone else but it's impossible. It's a pattern with N's. He can't love - you or anyone else as much as we crave them and desire them too. They hook us in and I know it's not fair. It's so HARD to break away from this yearning for him! Meds are helping and therapy of course and this wonderful family we have here! Jess he isn't having a ball out there. He is tiring of her as we speak. They same way they tired of us so easily. High and low, up and down, Jekyll and Hyde. The discardment is coming soon. I know what you mean but letting them come back after dreadful behavior. My N stood me up SO many times and I still got excited to see his name on my phone it was crazy. I was completely controlled by him and was only the whore, a worthless nothing to him. I know you miss Pretend Guy but that can't be who he is. Men don't behave that way!! Hang in there, thinking of you Love Cupcake

#11 Oct 13 - 10AM

Jessika (not verified)

THANK YOU

Everyone for responding- I just want to say thank u so much. I agree Ellen- suppose we didn't have this community to validate our experiences? We would be in the world thinking we played some part in the insanity- so thank goodness for technology/internet!! Cupcake- Thanks for all that you shared with me. These Ns are SO weak and a waste. I hate ever mentioning the OW- bc even though I know better I sometimes still think that she is happy with him and that it was just me who was oversensitive. However, that is ridiculous to think that. U reminded me that they get D&D as well. Big hugs Cupcake!! Ellen- I so appreciate that you took out the time to respond to my situation/ pain. I know you have so much going on and trying to understand regarding your Narc. Most of all I want to say thank you for disclosing that you had your baby while in your 40's. I cannot tell you how much hope that gave me. I have been so depressed thinking that my time has passed me by. Thanks for telling me about that!!!!! 4Joys- yes... the D&D still has my head spinning 5 mths later. So nonhuman to do that. My DOG is loving, protective, kind, and giving toward me. My N would stand to learn something from him (dog). Thank you for sharing! Jbaysmom- Thanks for your words too. Yes I have been taking steps backwards mostly... not the forward momentum that was going on for a few months. That was a topic of my therapy last night-'why the vacillation all of a sudden' 'why was i losing the foundation of my knowledge that he is emotionally disturbed and that i am losing nothing... he was going to destroy me.' Hopefully this will be a better day... week. Destiny-"did we date the same N"- LOL. Ugh don't they all sound the same- just disgusting! Quietude- You certainly have a point. I think my loneliness for a relationship/ male companionship is making this a bit harder. It is probably not my n i want, however just a normal relationship... something to do! Antonia- Disclosing what it is like to live with an N was so appreciated. I am so glad (given what you shared) that we didn't move in together.... they get even WORSE it seems. OMG! Thanks for letting us know that even when you think you start out from a strong position of friendship and you are idealized on an extreme pedastal that EVEN THEN they still D&D.... D&D is inevitable! Barbara- Just thank you thank you thank you! All your info and kicks in the butt are appreciated!! I am really happy i found this place. You all don't think I am nuts for my rollercoaster recovery. In the 'real world' statements like, "you're not over this yet!" is what I would get... but at this site everyone gets it and that is so necessary for recovery and keeping me feeling like it's not ME who has the problem! Jessika :-)

#12 Oct 13 - 1AM

Antonia

Hello Again

I'm glad I could help. It's extremely difficult and a painful and unhappy experience to live with them. Other things like, I would be tested, i.e. giving him 'space' when he demanded it, after he demanded I stop drinking, went and bought a case of my favourite mixer drink and I was not to touch it. Would say he had a project on the weekends we were alone to see my reaction, then when I either became annoyed or questioned him, I would be punished, by silence both emotionally and physically. He would say nasty negative comments to me about things personally about myself only a couple of months earlier were positives, ruined EVERY single special day, Mothers Day, my Birthday, Christmas Day, we had the big house for entertaining (which I love to do and he knew this) however no-one except close family were allowed around and this I think would have been forbidden over time also. Force me to begin legal proceedings with my ex-husband when I didn't want to, however I knew the penalty if I didn't.. so I went along with it, took for granted all the things I did for him, and I basically was a servant for that man, no thanks, no nothing. Never cared about what I wanted, how I felt, if I was sad, that's how I found this website -it was all about him...ALL THE TIME. Walking on eggshells became my constant companion, never knowing what would precipitate the rages, or the pulling away.. funnily tho, the sex between us was always fantastic... go figure!!! Again alway initiated by him, I wasn't allowed!!I always hoped if I could be better, do right by him he would be the man I fell for again... all an act, a facade. You are lucky you didn't get the 'live-in' girlfriend experience. In the beginning I thought he was wonderful, caring, attentive etc etc... all a BIG act. It's been hard, but I'm on the other side of it now, I don't post often, however reading what every has been writing here so many topics I have related to and wanted to know the answers to those questions also.. You guys have helped me so much.. I wouldn't go back to this time last year for a million dollars... Sorry this is so long.

#13 Oct 12 - 11PM

Antonia

How It Changes Once You Move In With Them

Hi Cupcake and all, In my situation with my ex-N prior to moving in nothing was too much trouble - there had been signs such as I had to sell my home, he wanted to keep his, as he had the bigger home, (we were blending families), he convinced me that it made sense so I sold and moved over to him. Once we were there within 4 weeks he had established his decisions were final (his house afterall), he had become cold, distant and judgemental of everything from food, to how I kept the cupboards (we practially lived together prior to moving in, this just made it official - however he did manage to have off nights, I now believe to 're-set' himself, so I got the best behaviour. I very quickly learned to never disagree with him on ANYTHING, or else he just would not talk to me for days on end or twice he physically removed me from the house as he needed time. He never wanted to go out, I was not allowed away for weekends with my girlfriends and I might fool around with other men (something I never ever had done in the past or contemplated). He would continually 'break up' with me if I didn't toe the line on how he wanted the house and MY children raised. I wasn't allowed alcohol all of a sudden, I needed to lose weight. Didn't like what I bought for Christmas for the children, when we had time alone with no kids, wanted nothing to do with me, always found a 'project' on his home computer, I could NEVER complain, as according to him I just wanted to all of a sudden hold him back.. oh girls and guys, the list goes on and on... He would be depressed and isolated, even when we only had his children, If I did manage to drag him out (twice in 8 months) he put on a pout and ruined the night for both of us... There is lots more, mostly the same what you guys have all suffered... hope this gives you a glimpse of the nightmare of living with these vampires are like. He was a different person until I reciprocated his feelings, and he had me trapped in his location... it very quickly changed for me... Even writing all this, thank God it's all over now.. Antonia.. Hugs to you all - you're all wonderful.. XX

#14 Oct 13 - 12AM (Reply to #17)

cupcake (not verified)

Antonia

Wow you just described what my therapist described a marriage would be like if I ended up with my N! Depression and isolation is interesting - my N complained of being so alone all the time but he had two of us on a string and prob a bunch of prostitutes and he still preferred to sit at home and drink and watch his television with his misreable self. but still complain he is lonely and depressed. I am glad it is all over for you too and you are in a place where you really mean that!! I didn't live with my N but can understand the judgement! He got cranky SO easily at everything so maybe it would get to a stage where nothing I said would be right. And he would snap too! So quickly! I do not miss treading on eggshells with this pathetic man. It's like he had permanent PMS, so so cranky!!! Your post helped, thank you!!

#15 Oct 12 - 11PM

cupcake (not verified)

Moving in

It is interesting that many of you who lived with their N's say that is changed very quickly after the move in. In fact most of you say within 2 weeks to 2 months you notice the change. In what way did they change? Was it just like a constant D&D or were their masks ripped off and they comfortable in being themselves?

#16 Oct 12 - 9PM

Antonia

Jessika - Destiny and All

I am mainly replying to the comment made by Destiny that he XN was securing a supply who was a friend and he would never D&D her... wrong, they do it to everyone... I was the 'good friend' my now ex-N chased for 12 - 18 months months or more, I was high up on the pedestool (not knowing at the time the cycle), he had various other short term girlfriends, hot and heavy with them one moment, total discard the next, sometimes with no explanation for them. He always said that the others didn't measure up coz they weren't me... what a joke... yet I fell for it. I eventually allowed myself to be wooed by him and entered into a 2 year relationship (live in after 12 months). I was D&D'd from the moment I moved into his home, it was horrible, like being with a different person. They D&D everyone - my exN is with another GF now, at first I was soooo upset thinking that she would be getting the 'wonderful pretend guy' and all that I was missing out on.. then reality sets in and she will unfortunately hit the same pattern. From someone who has experienced being high up on a pedestool as the 'love of his life' to being flung down and discarded by him (my ex-n decided one day it was over and I was locked out of our home - never to be allowed back in). If they have the pathology of Narcissism, all their victims suffer the same fate. Please take heart that this is the facts, we are away from them now and safe.

#17 Oct 16 - 5PM (Reply to #14)

cynthia (not verified)

thank you for that HONEST assessment

Its hard for other victims of the Narcissist to even imagine the live with their GF's is NOT GOOD, wives, live ins, whatever the situation. For so long I had such a false illusion in my head of what their life together was, of course why wouldnt I he made it sound like he was so comitted to her, ha ha ha That was a crock of shit. Like you said, no matter what you are to the Narcissist he will cause you the same grief as all the others, makes no difference what role you play in his life, that pretend man goes away REAL FAST after you live with them, you see their nasty, moody, controlling, childish, selfish, cheating, side all too soon. AND THEY WILL DO THIS TO EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING THAT GETS CLOSE TO THEM MAKES NO DIFFERENCE, because Pathology is the inability to change. I am just mad as hell I believed all his lies about the GF, and he had me so jealous for over a year because that is how he wanted me to be, jealous that she had it all, ha ha ha she didnt have ANYTHING and never will just as I never did, they dont know how to have a healthy relationship so they destroy everyone they have and it NEVER ENDS WELL, never heard of one narcissist that lived happily ever after with his princess.

#18 Oct 12 - 9PM (Reply to #13)

destiny (not verified)

Thank you so much Antonia

Thank you so much Antonia for this post...I needed to hear that tonite. I guess the OW friend will see it eventually..sadly she will have to learn the hard way. I know he D&D the OW after me at the end of last year then wooed me back...so I should know the ones to follow me now will be no different. If i ever date again and a guy tells me about how he treated his xgf and how they came knocking at his door, or he walked them back to their room to sleep...i will run..it is a clear pattern. Im sorry you had to be a victim too...but we are all in this together...one step one day at a time.

#19 Oct 12 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

thisisnotfun

Thank you for what you

Thank you for what you wrote. I needed that today. :)

#20 Oct 12 - 10PM (Reply to #11)

Barbara (not verified)

the exes

whenever a guy tells you all his exes are "crazy, psycho, scorned women, stalkers" etc etc.... RUN SCREAMIN!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#21 Oct 12 - 11PM (Reply to #12)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

And do the same when he's

And do the same when he's been married four times and he always got left. Nobody could keep their promises etc. BS..he either left them or made their life so miserable they had no other choice! He left #1,2, and 4 (me) for others and #3 bolted after 9 years! Always poor poor him!

#22 Oct 12 - 6PM

cupcake (not verified)

Jess

Hey beautiful Jess just read your post. I know being discarded is the worst feeling in the world. Confusing, hurtful and really rips your soul apart. This OW is going to get discarded too. Remember all that back and forth, the push and pull? Making you feel worthless? The nice boyfriend was a fantasy, he wasn't real. I miss my fantasy guy too. So much. So much. BUt that guy was a different in the morning than in the evening. In the evenig, sweet as pie. Charming loving, affectionate beautiful. In the morning cold, distance and running for the door and up comes a 2 week discard for Cupcake. Then he comes back begging and chasing again and I fall for it. They are weak. He can't face you same as all the others they just don't respond. They hide because they are weak and I hate to say this - they don't care. They don't care how we feel, he doesn't care if you are hurting as long as HIS world is going ok. He can't understand how you are hurting, he can't feel empathy or remorse. Only rage. I know you miss him I miss mine too but think of all the garbage that comes with them. Those other poor women can have our Weak N's now .They can contiunally be cheated on and lied to. They can live in a constant state of treading on eggshells and the constant cycle of devalue and discard which hurts more than anything. Now the other women can try and call him and one day he will cut her off cold and abrupt too. It's a pattern it is guaranteed. I know it hurts. So much. We are still deprogrammimg and you need more time. There are better men in this world that won't treat you like that. YOu deserve to be loved and respected and well, he isn't going to lvoe and respect you or anyonoe else. We are with you Jess. Love Cupcake

#23 Oct 12 - 10AM

quietude (not verified)

jessika

I know how this feels, it's a very cruel thing. I had similar thoughts, the empty feelings...not understanding how you can be engaged to someone one minute, and the next day they vanish (my story). I think we feel 'ripped off' that we invested everything into this relationship, only to find it amounted to a sick fantasy for someone else. I missed having a 'boyfriend/fiance' too, but think about what you miss. It helps to break it down. What I had found, is I essentially missed having a man around, not necessarily him. I say this because if you think of the 'fun' times, how much of those fun times were intiated by you? In my case, most of them. My ex was not a full of joy kind of person. I had to constantly be the cheerleader to make him happy. It was exhausting. And if my ex did something nice, there were always strings attached. So take time out to really think about why you miss him, this might be a helpful exercise for you.

#24 Oct 12 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

destiny (not verified)

Jessika, Did we date the

Jessika, Did we date the same N...WOW...except for the baby names that is how mine ended as well. Cut off completely , couldnt get a call, email, text thru. I was humiliated too after taking him back in ...beliving him. Like you he was somehow securing supply in that last week when he attacked me for being silent on the phone and i refused to talk via phone. Mine has not contacted at all I suspect who his OW is now..and hope he will do the same to her, but in the back of my mind I think he really cared for her as a friend and he would never ever D&D. You have come a long way and good for you for not giving him access to you after what he did. The thing we have to remember is no friend etc would treat us this horribly...cutting us off in such a horrible way. The way they go about blocking us to the extreme they do is abuse period! I can relate to all you wrote and thanks so much for sharing it. I woke up missing XN again today.

#25 Oct 12 - 7AM

Ellen

Hi Jessika

Hi, What a shock, talking baby names then reduced to an email after he had set himself up with someone else. It is so hard, i actually had the baby so we'd already settled the name part. Whenever it happens its the shock of how it's one that has the lasting effect. That's what they want insn't it. I am so glad i have this site to know that this does happen. I can't believe i question whether or not my ex was a 'N' when i relate to so much that others here say. I am angry for you that you have had to go through that. I only wish i could feel this for my situation. have a peaceful day x

#26 Oct 12 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

4joys (not verified)

Jessika

It's exactly that part of it that spins us. That one day they are there acting like your husband or boyfriend, and the next moment, in a blink of an eye, they are gone. The world they created for us DOES stop spinning over time. Hang in there.

#27 Oct 12 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

Ellen

I am very relieved

Yes i am very relieved to find that this happens to others too. Imagine not finding out about narcissism and going around wonderig what just happened like many do i suppose. It's downright deceipt.

#28 Oct 12 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

Jessika

you are missing Pretend Guy - someone who never existed he was never your BOYFRIEND and he isn't hers either. He's just changing women like he changes underwear. And they do not DETACH... they DISCARD! You're alone and safe and free. YAY YOU! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#29 Oct 12 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

Jessika

We all take steps forward the backward. Just try to take more in the forward position. It sounds like you have by bloacking him! I miss my husband like you miss your BF. The fake ones of course. The men we THOUGHT they were. Its just overwhelming to realize I was/am married to a man I never really knew. Hang in there and read my proof they never change when you start thinking he wont do it to the OW. I have to re read my own post to remind myself! How they destroy lives. "Vengence is mine says the Lord" Romans 12:19 Hang in there!

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