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After He Narcs You...

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#1 Oct 10 - 3AM
meik11
meik11's picture

After He Narcs You...

On and off for three years with my N. When we were doing well I was on cloud 9, but after he would tell me some obvious lie, rage at me for the slightest of reasons, or D & D me I would find myself behaving like another person. I wouldn't make as much of an effort to make sure I looked good. I wouldn't sing and dance in the car to my favorite songs. I wouldn't talk to other people. The worst part was I would see myself snapping at my son because he (the N) had made me miserable and confused once again. My baby would immediately sense the difference in my behavior. A five year old should never have to confort his mother through such bullshit. How could I give someone that much control over me without even realizing it? As i sit here and cry over all the negative effects he had on me I realize the month or two we would have enjoying each other compared to the weeks of silent treatments, hang ups, and sad looks on my son's face when he saw me sad were never worth it. Been contemplating breaking NC all day, but the bad memories just wouldn't let me do it, so I am grateful for them. They hurt, but they give me more and more strength to say F**K HIM!!!

Oct 11 - 2AM
lillymarch
lillymarch's picture

Yes, how my kids put up with

Yes, how my kids put up with me while I was dealing with all the bullshit that psycho put me through, I just don't know. I am such a better person now! Wow! And I actually have some patience. The real me is coming out of hiding. If anything, I am realizing who I am. Maybe it took being totally controlled and duped to find me. Either way, my life is better. My children's lives are better. Thank God!
Oct 10 - 10PM
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

I could have written this post.

I know exactly where you are coming from. My poor son, snapped at for no reason other than his Mom was in a hideous relationship. You are right, fuck him! He doesnt deserve you or your son who clearly is very sensitive and understanding, even at his age. I have a son just like that, and at 41 years old, having a 7 year old comforting me was a huuuuge wake up call. He deserves better and so the hell do I. A tip... I was raised on Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Hendrix, The Kinks etc... Throw in some Justin Bieber. My kid loves it and deep down we all have a little Bieber Fever in us. It worked for me. I was a half step away from breaking NC today, don't do it honey. Trust me. Xoxo
Oct 10 - 6AM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Hang-ups! Remember when you

Hang-ups! Remember when you would try to talk to him like a human being and he'd just hang up the phone on you? Remember how that felt, to try calling him back, either to be hung up on again or to go straight to voicemail? Oh yeah, it was the worst feeling of your life -- you didn't even deserve the chance to be heard. Your feelings, your thoughts, your voice, counted for NOTHING. Great guy, huh? (That's one of my "favorite" narc memories; we had a long-distance relationship and for me to continually dial him overseas was ridiculously expensive, especially to have him hang up on me again and again like a petulant two-year-old!)
Oct 10 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
meik11
meik11's picture

Yes I remember the hang ups

Yes I remember the hang ups and how frantic I would get when he would do it and then not answere the phone. Now I realize this is what he wanted. If I hung up on him this jerk would keeping calling back until i answered so he could be the one to hang up. Wednesday makes 2 weeks NC for me. I don't think i've ever gone this long without at least sending a text whether it was positive or negative so I feel pretty good right now even though I get upset at least once a day..... thanks for all your responces they help a lot.... meik
Oct 10 - 4AM
Sea
Sea's picture

you dont deserve to be treated like that

That is what I keep telling myself. How can someone be allowed to treat us this badly? How can he make me share him with so many woman but have to be faithful to him? How can honesty and faithfulness be only 1 sided from me only? Whenever he got sick of me he can go and find someone else and have a good time while I rage and suffer? All these comes in and all my desire to contact evaporates off. I think we use the same method and am sure many of us do. I read with sadness on how some of us suffers just by trying to say "hello" or contact them. They give ST or abuse us back. Its kind of scary to resume contact even. The longer you are out, the lesser you feel like contacting cos out of fear of the abuse! Hang in there! Your little child wants to see a happy healthy mummy again :) Hugs
Oct 10 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
meik11
meik11's picture

He has emotionally scared and

He has emotionally scared and scarred the hell out of me... Honestly the weak part of me would take him back in a minute if I thought he could be the person I fell in love with and stay that way. But I know that won't happen so i'm learning to accept it... thanks for the hugs... :)