After I left my N, (2+ years ago), he immediately moved in the new “married” woman. I became friends with her husband at the time. We would spend hours on the phone talking about those two. It was good having someone to talk to. His kids were with my XN and his wife, so I heard constantly about everything they were doing.
At first, I wanted to hear it all even though it made me feel horrible. I still wanted to hear about the vacations, the gifts, etc.
After I found this site I realized that our friendship and the constant talking about the XN and his NW was not doing me any good. I cut off contact with him completely. This was sad for me because I did feel we helped each other through some tough times by just having someone to talk to. But I knew I had to do it for myself to be able to move forward in my healing.
I have not spoken to him for nearly 8 months. His, now, ex-wife, and my XN are still living together.
I ran into him the other day. He said how much he missed talking to me and he had SO MUCH to tell me about what all has been going on with them, blah. blah. I can only assume the D&D has begun for her and he wants to tell me about it. I know he was very hurt by his wife leaving him the way she did and he would so enjoy knowing they aren’t the happy couple they have appeared to be for the past two years.
Here’s my issue: I said to him, well, I hope his kids are doing well and glad he’s met someone and is happy and it was nice to see him. I didn’t not ask him what was going on and more or less skipped over the subject of them alltogether.
BUT, I will admit, it’s driving me crazy wondering. I DO want to know. I want to hear that “the happy couple” aren’t so happy afterall. I want to know what has happened between them.
I know that is wrong and it won’t do me any good. But there is something inside me that thinks I will feel better hearing that he is doing to her what he did to me. So I can tell myself I KNEW IT, I knew it would happen to her.
This isn’t triangulation, as him and I are friends only. So is it really so bad that I hear all the gory details of the D&D? That makes me sound like a terrible person, doesn’t it? Please advise. ugh...