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Advice Advice!!! Please!!!

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#1 Oct 13 - 10AM
alicat
alicat's picture

Advice Advice!!! Please!!!

My 2 sons have a soccer tournament out of town this weekend. My exN's son will also be playing in the tournament on a different team. The games will be both Saturday and Sunday. I am very nervous and anxious about seeing my exN there. I hate to do this, but I am thinking of skipping the Saturday games and go to the Sunday ones instead because my exN's son is in a younger league and his games will be done by Sunday morning.

My Ex husband has my boys this weekend so he was going to bring them to their games anyway. I just hate missing out because of my asshole exN!!!! I know it would tear me apart if he was with the OW there!!! I am still struggling with all this so I know it would set me back even further.

What are your thoughts on this? I just really don't want to see him at all. The last time I broke NC was a week ago today and I have been struggling ever since. Thanks so much for your input and support.

Oct 13 - 3PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Alicat

I would do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and also your boys will have their dad with them on Saturday so win-win situation. Go cheer them on Sunday and make a day of it. Hope they win and you will then have something to celebrate afterwards too. Dee x
Oct 13 - 2PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Welcome to a world where you

Welcome to a world where you have the freedom to make a decision without having to check in with the narc first. You can do whatever will please you the most. If you don't go, make sure to do somehting very nice for yourself instead, you deserve it. And up the assclowns ass I say! ds
Oct 13 - 1PM
alicat
alicat's picture

Thank you!!

Thank you everyone! I realize that I do need to take time out for me and to get my head on straight. My kids know what I am going through and will have plenty of family members at their games this weekend. I can't wait for all this to pass so I can get on with my life again. I did not realize the agonizing pain after a breakup with a Narc/psychopath. It truly is different than a breakup with a normal man!!!
Oct 13 - 11AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

You are in early NC

Your husband has the kids. They are fortunate to have two parents who love them so much and want to watch their games. If you do not get a handle on this thing, you are NOT going to be of much use to your kids in terms of being emotionally present and mentally there for them. My advice. Let your husband deal with this weekend and the kids. You get yourself away from all of this and go for long walks, deep reflection, spend some time with someone who is a good friend and loves you, go to church if this is a comfort to you, write in your journal, cry, get angry, whatever comes out, concentrate on you, the you without the kids and without the narc. Fill your cup for a change. Getting yourself right in the head is your priority now and the kids will benefit in the long run far more from a mother with her head in the right place, than a mother sitting at these games, obsessing and worrying about what the narc it doing, thinking, who he is with ect.... Take this weekend for Alicat to get back to Alicat and get her head on straight. God bless, Goldie
Oct 13 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

I totally agree!

I have 4 kids by 2 different Narcs and you are in very, very early days to try to "fight the good fight" by being there when you clearly don't feel strong enough. Do as Goldie says...take very good care of you. It's hard to put yourself first (I know that battle all too well) but it will pay for itself in the long run.
Oct 13 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

alicat

dont let him run your life, now he is not part of it...so you broke nc...its done now, i know seeing him with ow will hurt, but at least FOREWARNED IS FOREARMED...better this than running in to them ,when you are not expecting it... you cannot put your life on hold for him... HE WOULDNT FOR YOU....xxxxx
Oct 13 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Awesome !! You get to plan

Awesome !! You get to plan your life around this Narc!! I think your plan spells success! Hunter
Oct 13 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

I agree with Hunter and Used, ali!

Knowing what you're up for is a good thing. I am proud of you for knowing you will be set back by seeing him with OW and you've thought up a way to not be set back. That's excellent! I think doing the Sunday only thing is good for you right now. With each step you take, you will get stronger. Pretty soon things like this won't even be a glitch on your radar screen. NC is the key! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND CHOOSING TO BE GRATEFUL INSTEAD

spinning