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ADHD vs NPD/Abusers

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#1 Apr 19 - 2PM
better off
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ADHD vs NPD/Abusers

Well... I've had a disappointing experience reading a blog on ADHD and marriage. I've been in the process of repairing my marriage to someone with ADHD, and struggles with alcoholism. I wasn't sure if he was an N or not, and I believe now he is not. Alcohol causes quite a bit of grandiosity... when he is not drinking, he can be a normal person. Well... not altogether normal, lol, but not an abuser. We have come miles and miles in the last seven months. I also have ADD but I am not hyperactive.

Okay, so I go to this blog.. and it's mostly NON ADD people who hate their spouse basically... and some have plenty of reasons, and some of it IS because of ADD. But there is a lot of behavior being blamed on ADD that is pure abusiveness or NPD!

There is this talk of "hyperfocus" and that when the ADHD person is in love they hyperfocus on the individual and then after marriage or whatever they lose interest. SOUND FAMILIAR? And also lose interest in sex but have lots of affairs because of their "impulsivity." Blah blah... Jekyll/Hyde behavior, criticism, hatefulness,,,, that' IS NOT ADHD. I think we all know what it is.

Well, don't try telling anyone that. I got a lecture about how the DOCTORS say oh no, it's ADD, and how well adjusted and happy he is TO THEM. Oh, he snowed the doctors then. GRRRR. Again, with the IGNORANCE even in the medical community about personality disorders. What's really sad, is attributing this horror as yet another deficit of those who do have ADD. PISSES ME OFF!

Frankly some of these people doing the complaining sounded fairly narc to me too... THEY have it all together and their spouse is so beneath them, blah blah. A woman who divorced her husband so her house would be clean.

I made my last post there... someone was surmising that well MAYBE, if we reallly go out on a limb... there is some evolutionary advantage to ADD traits or so many people wouldn't have them. And the blogger's response was, oh no, I mean lots of people have breast CANCER and there's no advantage to that.

Thanks for comparing my bright, creative, loving son (and myself)to some horrifying deadly disease because it messes up your f**king house! I am so ANGRY. This is the kind of garbage served up by N parents all over the world...

I told them I hoped they found a cure for us so they could finally make society in their image... >:(

Apr 19 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
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add

I have a child with ADD and marriage to an ADHD person takes a lot of work on THEIR part and they have to be willing to DO the work. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 19 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
better off
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Yes, but ADD is not the

Yes, but ADD is not the equivalent of a disease like cancer. People with ADD are not "diseased." They have positive sides to their traits as well, that's why I thought that was offensive. The point of the thread I was reading was that there is no positive side to anything; that it's like a cancer. And I thought it was scary that N/P traits are being bound up as part of ADHD... as if ADHD causes people to abuse. A person can be impulsive without being mean. And there is a difference between tactlessness and verbal abuse. It's all lumped together there as ADHD, instead of recognizing true N/P/S pathology as separate. It's not even acknowledged. I guess no one else agrees with me...
Apr 19 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
better off
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Now I'm A Weed

Someone responded to my post about being compared to cancer. Now it seems, no, I'm not a cancer... I'm more of a hard to control weed: I think a more appropriate analogy (and one that I absolutely do not mean in any kind of derogatory way -- my thinking on this is *unconventional*) is to think of people with ADD being similar to weeds. People tend to think that all weeds are undesirable in general, but this could not be farther from the truth in fact. Weeds have important roles in the plant world. They help prevent erosion by filling niches in the ecosystem where other plants won't grow and by propagating very quickly. They are robust. Some weeds are actually very attractive. Some can be used to make medicines or beverages or are good to eat. Some produce fruit or seeds that feed the woodland animals. There is a real place for weeds in this world -- we would have some serious ecological problems without weeds.So why do people with ADD and weeds both get such a bad rep then? Usually when we talk about a weed, what we really mean a plant that is hard to control. And I think the same is true in general about people with ADD. Now.. why would I take that in a derogatory way? I mean, some weeds ARE beautiful... I mean, that just moves me to sentimental tears... Unsurprisingly, the non-ADDers who prefer control have problems with the folks who have ADD, and folks with ADD aren't too keen about the controls and end up in conflict with the people who want them. Am I crazy? Does this say what I think it says? non ADDers who prefer control? Of... other people? Why wouldn't people be keen on that? Why, indeed would you end up in conflict with someone who wanted to control you? I realize I seem to be the only person with this particular problem, but I think this is weird! But that's the weed in me talking I guess. I hope to God none of these people have teaching degrees. Maybe one of them can tell my kid that he's a weed in their garden of perfection, invented by them.