Addicted to ABUSE!?

Is it possible to be addicted to abuse? How to you kick the addiction...after no contact? the craving to call, the obsessive thoughts, and to listen to your brain and not your heart?

After years of therapy, I know the difference between healthy relationships and toxic. I also know how this effects me, and how I feel. I have been abused forever, so normalicy is foreign to me.

However, I know I want it. I know I really want a heathly man at some point and a role model for my children.

My therapy has run out, and I have learned a lot from it....but its hard to seperate it all. So without therapy and medication education is a huge coping method. I understand there are good days and bad days, as I have them often, he also trained me to beleive our realtionship was "good" because we enjoyed it, so the fact that he is not ready to settle down, should not make me run away, but should make me still be friends with him, as everyone
has a different way of living.

This was ok at first, until he was able to do whatever he wanted and I was always being questioned about my behaviour. And accused of being with other men, however how could I have been, I was always with him. I just wish we never met and the anxiety would disappear, cuz I have had it with the emotional rollercoaster, and his annoying rules.