Abandoned?

It's been a while since I have posted. If any of you remember me, you will remember that I had gone NC too many times to count, and I kept going back to him. Being married with a daughter I had much to lose by staying involved with this man.

Somehow, however, I managed to give this man all the power to define my self worth. He was abusive, and manipulative, and was putting heavy pressure on me to leave my marriage, and I guess I stupidly saw this attention as love, and had such a hard time giving it up.

I know that many on here have been so frustrated with me, so I have been staying away from the board until I knew I wasn't going back any more. I am now truly clear of him, and am working on myself. I have tried out a few new therapists until I finally found one that I felt I could work well with.

I am still not out of the woods, and I have a long way to go, but I will get there. I have to. Right now I still just feel so sad. And abandoned.

That is my question right now. Why do I feel abandoned, when I am the one who actually ended the relationship?