Aaarrggh! Kind of Funny! The Cycle Repeats Itself!

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#1 Nov 23 - 7PM

Just_Escaped

Aaarrggh! Kind of Funny! The Cycle Repeats Itself!

Hey Gals:

I've been successfully maintaining NC with my N for three weeks now....and still counting : ) So, the purpose of my post is to say that NC truly works, and yes, the cycle with an N truly does follow a specific pattern. Like clockwork. In the event you haven't read my story posted a couple of weeks ago, I'll give a brief synopsis. The last contact I had with my N of two years was three weeks ago when I made the mistake of calling him only for him to answer and mock me to a friend of his while I listened. Pretty bad and disgusting. I hung up. So, I've been reading up on the message board here as well as loads of books about emotional blackmail, NPD, dangerous men, etc. in the meantime. Today, he contacted me via text to say that he hoped I was doing well and had my flat screen TV that he'd had repaired and wanted to meet up with me to give it to me. What??? Are you kidding? Three weeks ago, you literally mock me over the phone to whoever will listen and this week you're contacting me to wish me well and get together to give me my TV back? I don't think so! I would rather burn in hell than get reeled back in to get my TV. Let's call that one a loss and call it a day. I'm not replying. Does everyone agree? Isn't this just the hook to get you back and see if there is still a chain to be yanked?

But I have to say, it's kind of satisfying to see that the cycle repeats itself. He's had three weeks of NC and has realized that he's no longer part of my life. Now, he's got to figure out a way to see me. Total loser. Does he really think I would forget what happened and be willing to see him again? He's not living in the real world....

Would love to hear anyone's feedback.

#2 Nov 24 - 3PM

Carolyn

Good for you! You have your

Good for you! You have your pride back and your strideP: Use the stride to keep on walking. A flat screen is a price to pay but who knows if he was ever going to give it back and it just isn't being used like a carrot on a stick to get you into another abusive episode. You should be angry that mocking you was a very demeaning and hurtful thing and very ego damaging. You deserve much better people in your life and he needs to be forgotten. NO CONTACT is the only way this type of intentional infliction of emotional harm will heal. Good luck you are on the right track.

#3 Nov 23 - 10PM

Marie

RUN!

Don't fall for any of his bs that is all it is. That you remember he mocked you is great, it's important to remember the hurtful stuff because time has a way of altering things. Don't ever soften no matter how hard it is. I made that mistake before I knew he was sick. I thought he realized how much he really loved me and decided to come back. Wrong!!!! He came back only to abuse me once more worse than he had before. Journal! Write all these instances down so you don't forget them. When you go back and read it will help in times where you might start missing him. I wrote little bits of information down, something he'd say about someone, a place or party he'd been to. It was like a puzzle all my little pieces but over time led me to find out about OW in his life. I have been out of my relationship now for 1yr and 3 months. He's called for the most ridiculous stuff. I've never called him for anything. He called to say his cell was shut off and gave me another number. A few weeks went by and one morning I get this call from him asking did you just call me. He went on to say he couldn't help me if I was calling for any favors because he was just too busy, he was very snotty about it. A short time after that he called to see if I needed a new newspaper because his had been soaked from the rain. He wanted to know if I wanted another one. The list is endless sometimes I have to laugh. It's all about mind games and control. It's an abusive cycle, maintain no contact it's the best thing.

#4 Nov 23 - 9PM

NanC (not verified)

Just

You are smart not to fall for his bs about the tv. Let him stick that tv where the sun don't shine...Lol! Definitely not worth breaking NC!

#5 Nov 23 - 9PM (Reply to #3)

Just_Escaped

Stick It Where the Sun Don't Shine

I appreciate your encouragement. I love the "stick it where the sun don't shine" statement. He also threw in there that he hoped I knew how much he hoped I was doing well and hoped my family and I had a nice Thanksgiving planned (he was with us last year). What is it about the holidays? People that have totally dumped on you come out of the woodwork to try to wish you well...sounds like an attempt to salve a conscious...like going to confession for absolution.

#6 Nov 24 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

Marie

Salve a conscious?

No, I don't believe they have a conscious. Mine would do mean things but then pop by the next day as if everything was fine, like nothing happened. In the beginning I would be furious at his lack of taking responsibility for being hurtful or just by being oblivious. Now that I know what he is, I see all those times as being controlling of my feelings. I think he actually enjoyed making me upset. They come back around to see if they still have control over you, that's all. He still seems to think we have some kind of relationship going on which I'm dumbfounded by. I never call, email and have my online account blocked. It's been this way for over a year. He dumped me without a word. There was no contact for a month. Even when we ran into each other, he would look the other way and act as if I weren't there. It was extremely painful. Then a month or so go by and he'll act like we either still have something going on or we're even friends?! Screw that.

#7 Nov 23 - 10PM (Reply to #5)

NanC (not verified)

Dlon't let him blow smoke up your ...

Geez, I wish I would have let go of the N a long time ago! What a freakin' loser! The thing is, you know they are losers and yet, you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt...why??? Life is too short to waste it on dumbf...s! Damn it, I wasted too much time on this dumb ass!...Is your story posted?

#8 Nov 24 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

Just_Escaped

Hi NanC

Here's my story...Thanks for reading and any comments : ) http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/11/16/just-escapeds-story

#9 Nov 23 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

Just_Escaped

Typo

Meant "conscience" not "conscious." Whew, I'm tired!

#10 Nov 23 - 7PM

Barbara (not verified)

you're on the right track

can you block his texts? what a LOSER! Keep up the NC and your recovery ~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

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