8(

Strangely enough, I don't really think about that at all, as I used to. Even HE always told me--when I thought the other women were friends--that they don't talk about anything either. That they just sit around. I know there's nothing wonderful going on, or if it is, it won't last long. You can keep this in mind with your narc, if it helps at all, as lots of people here will tell you. It is sick to think of them putting on that act with someone else. I do have a vivid picture in my mind, still, of him smiling at me, his eyes twinkling, calling me "Bella." I still picture the way he kissed me on our first date, when I met him at the restaurant. He seemed so happy to see me, so full of affection. I look back now and remember that he was involved with several other people even then, and he just literally flipped a switch to win over another bit of supply "just in case." You know, Happy, better than anyone, that this man is not going to be able to be happy, to love, to have a relationship with anyone. You know this. This is all so painful, and it's so horribly slow to heal. I put on my prettiest coat and boots this morning, held up my head and walked to school. I even went to the coffee place where we met. As I paid for my coffee, I saw his car drive up out of the corner of my eye. He waited in the car until I was gone before he went inside. Talk about pain and hurt. This was the man who used to kiss me on the cheek, call me "Bella" and, after a few months, grab my butt there every morning. I remember when he first said we shold go out sometime. He didn't even write down his number for me. He just said, rembember this: and told it to me. I realize now that it didn't really matter if I remembered it or not. It didn't matter to him. But boy did I remember it. It was the first thing I did wrong (you know they tell you to never call a man). I realize now that, if I'd known simple things like that, he never would have called me and this wouldn't have happened. These dating sites will be the same for him: he doesn't care about any of the people he'll meet. Anyone will do. Well, YOU are not just anyone, and that will NOT do for you. You are amazing. Just hang in there and try to have your horrible memories ready in your mind to counter those "new woman" thoughts you have.

Strangely enough, I don't really think about that at all, as I used to. Even HE always told me--when I thought the other women were friends--that they don't talk about anything either. That they just sit around. I know there's nothing wonderful going on, or if it is, it won't last long. You can keep this in mind with your narc, if it helps at all, as lots of people here will tell you. It is sick to think of them putting on that act with someone else. I do have a vivid picture in my mind, still, of him smiling at me, his eyes twinkling, calling me "Bella." I still picture the way he kissed me on our first date, when I met him at the restaurant. He seemed so happy to see me, so full of affection. I look back now and remember that he was involved with several other people even then, and he just literally flipped a switch to win over another bit of supply "just in case." You know, Happy, better than anyone, that this man is not going to be able to be happy, to love, to have a relationship with anyone. You know this. This is all so painful, and it's so horribly slow to heal. I put on my prettiest coat and boots this morning, held up my head and walked to school. I even went to the coffee place where we met. As I paid for my coffee, I saw his car drive up out of the corner of my eye. He waited in the car until I was gone before he went inside. Talk about pain and hurt. This was the man who used to kiss me on the cheek, call me "Bella" and, after a few months, grab my butt there every morning. I remember when he first said we shold go out sometime. He didn't even write down his number for me. He just said, rembember this: and told it to me. I realize now that it didn't really matter if I remembered it or not. It didn't matter to him. But boy did I remember it. It was the first thing I did wrong (you know they tell you to never call a man). I realize now that, if I'd known simple things like that, he never would have called me and this wouldn't have happened. These dating sites will be the same for him: he doesn't care about any of the people he'll meet. Anyone will do. Well, YOU are not just anyone, and that will NOT do for you. You are amazing. Just hang in there and try to have your horrible memories ready in your mind to counter those "new woman" thoughts you have.

Happy I was so, so sad, feel into depression. I just had to take it minute to minute some days, it felt like I lost my joy and my smile for a long, long time. I was in a suspended state of disbelief. I dreamed of him. The grief was so intense, I wondered when it would end. It will get better, but it takes time. You will feel better. It takes time, but you will get through this, Happy.

You're in my prayers, for the strength to make it through another day, you're doing it, keep posting and reading, it takes time but you will make it through, best wishes. stay~striving

Hey don't beat yourself up...it's hard not to think about them but remember, he was cheating on you while he was with you so really, what's the difference? The only difference is you found him out and got out - he will NEVER treat the next one better than you....people who acknowledge problems, fix them - narcs can't because they don't think there's anything wrong with them, it's the rest of the world that's wrong and against them. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you're the winner here, believe, and trust that - anyone who is with him (briefly) will see his wrath and hatred too...don't be jealous of her, the mask will fall over and over and over and over again and quicker each time...x

Your mind can be your best friend. My gentleman friend said to me that I have a real man with a real heart ... and a conscience. He recognized why I've been through what I've been through. Pretty, smart, generous, willing to give benefit of the doubt. He laid it out. Seen his acquaintances take advantage of it. They are predators. Poke around the archives and gather the info that will help you trust your intellect rather than let the narcs dictate your perceived inadequacies. Your mind brought you here. You know something's not right. Run with it. Real life is bigger than he is.

Happy , i know this dosnt help much now but if you keep NC theses thoughts WILL go away . Trust that the obssesional thoughts will die down in time , i know as i thought as you and it drives you nuts . Know that this is just a phase and there are people out there that have been through it and have come out the other side x... head down and get through it ... big love to you ..it is a mad time but it dose end . xxx

Hang in there Happy. Just what kind of a life would you have with him? In fact I think you already had a glimpse. Just think of how made you feel. Can you imagine a lifetime of it. Thats who he really is. When he is nice to you its only a mask that he can wear a short time. Happy I know I sad you are. I am too but they are dead souless people masquerading around like they are normal. You will find love again only with someone normal who can love you back. Let him be someoneelses misery. Fortunately for me I have gotten to see the N's life play out. Here is 20 years later pulling the same shit. They dont get better. In fact he is worse now. I remember round one when he ran off with the ow. It didnt last long but I remember thinking when I heard he had dumped that whew Im glad Im past that. I remember thinking how stupid she must feel and thinking omg sick of it was right and now she is laughing at me and I was but at the same time I felt a little pity for her as that gut wrenching pain was still fresh in my mind

I find when having a bad day and focusing on Narc it's best to get out and do something special for yourself. Don't give him any powere or control. go shopping, to the movie, call a girlfriend and get out for an hour. Anything to break the cycle. Good Luck!!

You should feel sorry for the other women. I felt like that now I don't care. I feel disgusted that I could have been so fooled and touched by such a loser. Just give it time. It's still very fresh. Are you medicated? I'm a big fan. It really helps focus. Be Strong!

Mine has another woman but this is what you have to keep thinking it is soon going to be the other womens problem and it is no longer yours, I know it is hard. But I got word from a friend already there is problems in their relationship, they have broken up and gotten back together twice already since they meant about 2 months ago. Now for me at this point I would consider that a huge red flag and get out, but that is just because all I know now from this site and others. But too bad she doesn't know this yet and she is going to be on the rollercoaster of her life. So don't feel bad that he is with other women feel happy it is not you anymore!!!....Sometimes I think God put N's on this earth is too teach some of some valuble lessons that we needed to learn for future relationships, and they just go around from women to women teaching the chosen one's lessons they needed to learn, and that is why N's are here. Just a though.