7 months out.

hey all

I dont post so much at the moment but I read all the time and see how well everyone is doing. Its amazing to see people who were really struggling just weeks ago how strong you are now!!!

I am 7 months out and feel more at sea that I have done for a long time. Its like the immediate crisis is over and I have relaxed too much and now I need to get myself back on track.

I was awake till 3am last night stalking him... I have never done that and have been no contact for 6 months. It seemed I was desperate to know if he had a girlfriend.

He seems to be surrounded by people who think he is great .... which made me doubt me experience of him.

Unlike many of you I wasnt with him for very long .. just 9 months but he was a N but I didnt suffer years of abuse as some of you have which makes me think it was just me.

I have started to look back over some texts I sent to a friend at the time... this one is just over 2 months into the 'amazing' 'omg I've met the man of my dreams relationship!

Hey C how u doing? How's the weekend going? I'm ok feeling really pissed off. I don't know why I'm just being murderous with Dick really angry and we ve got to the stage of what's wrong now exasperated tone!!!! I feel like he has no idea what I'm talking about half the time and is just so unthinking about the world ... Everything has to be new and perfect and he doesn't like anything to be dirty! And he disects everything so that I always feel stupid cos it always works out that he has done nothing wrong and it's just me being over the top over reacting or being moody or sulky. :-( x

this is just the start of what went on to be a hideous and damaging experience.

I know that the other woman gets no better treatment ... I know he is a N.... I know he hides himself well and only those close to him can see him for what he is and even then they dont always recognise it.

Why cant I get to indifference and leave this nasty vile piece of shit in the past where he belongs.

I would be really grateful for any input.

Many thanks xx