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6 WEEKS - setback!

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#1 Jul 19 - 11AM
FreedomJane
FreedomJane's picture

6 WEEKS - setback!

TODAY - six weeks since the devaluation and dismissal, he popped up on my Facebook as someone I may know (we never connected on Facebook, thank God!)

Well, there he is with the new nerdy looking eHarmony girl in his profile picture – 6 weeks into his new fake relationship – and he looks sooo happy.

After learning that he is a classic textbook narcissist, I should be relieved that he’s not mine, right?

Why am I mad that he LOOKS happy?

I can’t even think of dating anyone right now – I am so disillusioned with this prick and the damage he’s done. I can’t trust anyone for a while.

I’d love to contact his ex-wife (that I never met) and learn more – but he already told me that he has bugged her e-mail.

I needed to come here for support. My friends tell me to “let it go”, “get over it”, “stop looking”…

Ughhh!

Jul 19 - 1PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Hi Freedomjane

Hi THere Thnaks for the update on Jabba... but we alreadyy know his tired, boring story because he is a text bookN & we also know how this movie ends {Yawn) my question is.. whats your movie about now? are you still an "extra" in your own movie? when do you get top billing? when do you cast YOU as the STAR that you are? remember precious One you have NO power over people places and Jabba too many moving parts My hope for you is that you will choose not to waste another precious day of life (personally I let myself 'dwell" for 20 minutes a day then that it!) I ask you Jane, who were you and what were you planning for your life before jabba entered, stage left with a big mac in one hand and hair dye in the other... remember oxytocin ( I'll re-post that article) and what about "duty dating" I have to go on the air in 2 minutes but you can stop googleing him and google "duty dating, drPatAllen" expalins all will check on ya later... remember your healing is a thing you DO not what you think you cannot negotiate with a feeling it is what it is you CAN negotaiate what you will DO TODAY what ACTION toward regaining your dignity will you take today? what are you DOING for YOU this day? however small, it is...its is a WIN for Jane.... be blessed K
Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
FreedomJane
FreedomJane's picture

Girlsinger

Your comment to me is extremely helpful. I can't thank you enough. I was just telling a friend two nights ago how healed I was. And then I saw that picture - and it was like a lightening bolt of hurt went right through my entire body. I have a choice how I can act and feel - - thank you for reminding me that it's not his movie... it's mine! Yes, that's it. It's my show!
Jul 19 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Of course your not ready

Of course your not ready to get out into the dating world. It's only been 6 weeks after all. 6 weeks is almost for NC, especially in the beginning! You have soooo much to be proud of! But, 6 weeks, and dating, nah.........you will have plenty of time for that my friend. When you are ready........ He on the other hand, rememeber, he is a narc.......the minute they turn their heads towards new supply, the can turn it off, not think of you at all. Some do that, others linger around. Hard to say whether yours is or not. Forget about the loser! You are saddened by the illusion that you lost. Not the real thing......otherwise, you would be breathing a sigh of relief that he is gone and throw a big ass party! Hang in there, you are doing FANTASTIC!!!!!
Jul 19 - 12PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Hi

Hi FreedomJane.............this is Jabba the Hut we are talking about right? He went on eharmony and found a new OW in 6 weeks? What took him so long? Is this a new one, after the one he left you for? Or is it the same lady? You friends are not going to understand what you are going through, but I have to agree with one of their words of advise......STOP LOOKING! The damage is done, you looked, but don't fret, it is just a setback. One of many to come..........don't be so hard on yourself. This must hard terribly, I am sure. It would break my heart as well, no matter what the circumstances are. You will heal from the initial shock, hang in there sweetie. You are doing wonderful! Honestly!! Smiles
Jul 19 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
FreedomJane
FreedomJane's picture

Same OW

Yes, Jabba the Hut. Same supply - they're 6 weeks in. It almost looks like a professional picture, very posed... but I could be wrong. It definitely has the sign of it being serious. We don't have mutual friends - now that I think about it, I started typing in something in a search for someone with the same first name and that's how he showed up - probably because I looked him up before. I truly believe that he moved on and has forgotten all about me. I am clearly still wounded from this. I want to do the same thing and get online and fill that emotional scar, but I seriously can't even think about dating.
Jul 19 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
spinning
spinning's picture

Freedom, six weeks is

an incredibly difficult, pivotal phase in the process. First, good for you for not contacting him or the ex wife. It is not productive and it keeps your focus on HIM. You already know everything you need to know about this loser. Next, if you are still googling and looking, you are still taking part in the madness. You are feeding that part of your distress and anxiety. I know how hard it is, I suffered from it too and still fight the urge to google. I refrain as a matter of pride. The sick MF'er got enough of my time and I'm not going to give him another second. So yours is all hooked up with Jabba. Good. Hope they're happy in narcville. You took a train out of that town and are headed to a fog-free, chaos-free, pain-free life. He'll keep repeating the same thing over and over. The good news is he'll NEVER have YOU again. He's the loser. You have everything to gain. You know what the new supply is in for. Think about it, would you sign on for that again?? THERE IS NOTHING TO MISS EXCEPT MISERY AND CONFUSION. At six weeks the CD is still strong but it's when you must really make a concerted effort to shift the focus every time you want to google or look on FB. Tell yourself you're not going to do it for the next minute. Then the next. Then by the time ten minutes go by you'll really have to think about it...you will have success and build on it. You will shift the focus off of HIM and the poor, unlucky, doomed OW he's with and onto whatever it is you need to feel better. Try to remind yourself what exactly he brought into your life and chances are it's way more BAD than good. Freedom, THIS IS ABOUT YOU NOW. You who will be stronger, better, happier. Trust me. I know. I'm eight months out and recall feeling just like you do vividly. I never, ever thought I'd be where I am today. You would not believe the good things that are happening in my life ... which started when I became determined to leave the DISORDERED ONE and everything attached to him behind. I am literally AMAZED at the people who have entered my life. I want this for you, too. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NEVER EVER AGAIN. THE SICK MF'ER IS DEAD. HE NEVER REALLY EXISTED ANYWAY.

spinning

Jul 19 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Ok ,let it go! What will

Ok ,let it go! What will gain by contacting his ex wife, he bugged her email? WTF, says a lot doesn't it? Just stay the course! Hunter
Jul 19 - 11AM
Used
Used's picture

facebook

this may seem a bit of topic...but for him to show like that on f/b means you must have friends in common....if you block him this will not happen again....you are still 6weeks nc....good for you...and tho this is a knock back... hopefully it will pass soon...