358 days no contact (1 week until A YEAR!)

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure how many of you remember me but I was in a horrible place a year ago after what I will always consider the worst year of my life, involved with an abusive, sadistic, manipulative sociopath narcissist.

After the final D&D (which has left me with PTSD and triggered a depressive relapse) I have spent the past year rebuilding myself.

I've been doing a LOT of reflecting over the past few weeks. As I get closer to that 'year' milestone I have been getting nightmares and flashbacks again but I want this post to show that THINGS GET BETTER.

In the past year, I have MADE FRIENDS. The Narc isolated me and played the most insane mind games and I was convinced that no one would want to give me a chance after seeing what a pathetic doormat I was the year before. When I found out the Narc has FAILED THIS YEAR (we do the same degree) I had at least 10 people to call and they all want to celebrate with me when college starts back.

I have been travelling with these friends, we have movie nights, we chat over the internet and text, we laugh and we go for coffee....this is compared to a year ago when I had no one and would cry alone in the bath and think I was better off dead because I was so worthless.

People at my work have seen the difference, they tell me I look like a weight has been lifted off me and that I am glowing.

To anyone struggling right now please remember the following:
1) IT TAKES TIME
2) YOU NEED TO MAKE AN EFFORT - Follow the steps, take a good look at yourself and what you need to do to heal. Seriously, make yourself number 1. Do whatever the hell you need to do to keep yourself well. I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist, I journal, I cry when needed, I spend time meditating, I take long baths or curl up with a book and a blanket. Nurture yourself and give your soul time to heal
3) You will never be the same person you were before. Things will never go back to how they were. This relationship, this experience, it changes you. This is okay. I am learning to love who I am now, rather than who I could have been had I not met the Narc. I am wiser, braver, stronger and more aware.

This process of healing isn't linear, there are good days and bad days. But as time goes on I have many many many more good days compared to bad ones. I come home to a house that I am not frightened of being in, I don't have to walk on eggshells, I don't have someone constantly playing mind games with me, I don't have abusing my mind and body. And I hear the words in my head...I am SAFE...I am SAFE...I am SAFE. It is WONDERFUL.

-Otters