Wow! He should've been an actor! I guess, an a**hole is still an a**hole, no matter how much weed is in his system!
My N did something similar, to a more limited degree. Over time, I noticed that he began to substitute words he'd typically use, for turns of phrase, or words, that I'd use. The way he did it, was so infrequently at first, but really amped up, by the last year. I'd joke that he was taking my words! I just thought it sounded like he was trying to relate to me. It made him seem endearing, like an old friend. Which, by then, he was. It also made it seem like he paid attention enough to remember terminology I'd use. It was so gradual, over a stretch of time, that it didn't appear false or forced in any way. It seemed like he found my sayings unique, or somewhat amusing. I didn't know about mirroring.
"he did not see me for myself."
that just explains why i have felt like that for the longest time. i felt so confused by some of the things he would say to me - it felt like he was a combination of a bunch of different people. so his views and perspectives didn't feel consistent. it's like he's not human. and because of that i constantly felt like he could never "see" me.
Mirroring is their LIFE FORCE it's how they EXIST through you...it's how that bond is connected...it is how you get sucked in...
It is ALL that YOU are which is why you gravitate to it and feel so "at home" because essentially you are having a relationship with the BEST parts of yourself...
They are blanks...empty....shells...and they become whoever they target...
Until that is no longer feeding them...the minute you wake up and have an expectation or demand...
That's when they have to run...they can't meet it...they are really "stepford" robotic people...
You dated frakenstein...but just perhaps a more attractive entertaning version...
A freak of nature...
A void in human form...
sorry but that is what it is...and the packaging is so darn deceiving...
BUT we will get through it...focus on your strength...really...detach...the reality is...HE is the toaster...
THAT is the reality...the illusion can be "manipulated" if you can detach enough to see the symbiosis in all of it...and realize that the reality is...YOU HAVE THE CONTROL...you really do for he was nothing without you and will be nothing without anyone...and I'm not saying that to make you feel better...think about it...he can only be something when feeding.
You my dear...can be something regardless...
Hugs!
michele, i am amazed. i mean i seriously am feeling that rush of adrenaline that scoop was talking about right now, bc of how eerily accurate you've hit some things on the spot.
i DID feel so at home with my narc right away. it was like nothing i had ever felt. it's kind of ironic if the reason that i felt at home was because he was essentially mirroring me - makes ME sound like the N. but that gravitation and home-y feeling with my narc. when i was so in love with him, i use to say that he made me feel so at home.
is there an article or blog on here about the N mirroring and becoming like the other. i haven't come across that, but i feel like that is exactly what this is about. and why i feel such a big hole now that we are done. it's because he left no imprint, it was like dating a ghost.
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq26to27.html
Dazed,
This wasn't really a deep search, I'm on my way out. Vaknin in case you don't know is a narcissist for what it's worth; however, I think he's pretty accurate with his descriptions despite the fact that his work perhaps gives him a ton of supply.
A google search on Narcissists AND mirroring will probably turn up a lot of stuff...
Like I said, I would have devoted more time but I gotta run an errand.
Hope this explains it some.
Hugs!
Suck you in like a vacuum cleaner.
And, I'm sorry, but the conversation above is a waste of time. Find some guy who is not into the-opposite-of-communication. And he can stuff his cute "paws" someplace else.
"And he can stuff his cute "paws" someplace else."
Hahaha! Yeah, that was pretty annoying. Especially as he's cheated! Nothing he can say after that, is CUTE. The man-boy cutesy act, how gross. Is that baby talk supposed to make him sound innocent?
Booger? Ewww! Find somebody who will call you QUEEN!
If you're not happy, do something about it.
your comments helped. it also helps me to hear that his "cutesy" acts aren't that cute. he is 31 years old. but he seems and acts younger. i use to find him really endearing, but my friends wanted to gag...they had the same reactions as you. but his cutesy (really non-cutesy) act isn't enough at this point anyway. coming from a cheater - it's actually pretty gross. you're so right. i needed this laugh. it just gave me a quick kick in the butt and a dose of reality.
and yes - he actually does try this whole man-boy baby innocent act a lot. and after a while i realized he wasn't so innocent. and after cheating, it finally hit me big time. i just don't understand why after being knocked over the head a million times with such clear evidence that he is all bad news, i still hang onto the imaginary image i had of him - the original fun loving seemingly innocent man. i still feel attached to the petnames and the cutesy act.
but you're right! it's gross. he is not innocent! ugh.
ew is right.
Ifinallygotit
"he did not see me for
Dazed...
michele, i am amazed. i mean
Dazed/article
HOOVERING
Yeppers
thanks incognitoburrito and agnesmurphy