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#1 Mar 17 - 10AM

Hunter

Ideal needs a bite!

WTF? I feel really bad today! I have all the answers, I know what he is!
Spring is triggering me! One year ago I was happy we were planning our future!

"I love you" " you're so cute" "I adore you" etc. It's all going through my head! VS " you thought we were having a relationship" " sex is just sex" "you are insecure" " I adore you like my dog"

I understand all of it! Make it fucking Stop! It's all so cruel, and we get to suck it up while they go and dance on someone elses head!

Grrrrrrr!!!!! I don't understand why all of a sudden this is happening!

Idealk

#2 Mar 18 - 9AM

truetotruth

Ideal-Welcome back

So good to see you made it thru :) I was stressin a bit... Sigh of relief... love and light

#3 Mar 18 - 10AM (Reply to #20)

Hunter

Truth

Thanks, I think when I or anyone else gets like that we need to read,read,& read! He is nuts there is no turning back! Stick a fork in it, "Done" A little part of us wants this All to be a dream! Not to mention all you guys are awesome! Love to All Idealk

#4 Mar 18 - 7AM

Hunter

Top of the Morn'in to ya! All

Top of the Morn'in to ya! All is back to normal! Went out and did the Irish Jig! Happy & I had a blast! Idealk

#5 Mar 18 - 8AM (Reply to #18)

Happy1

Ideal

I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed and have a kick to my step today. 8-)

#6 Mar 18 - 7AM (Reply to #15)

spinning

Yay! Ideal!!!!

I was just going to start a new thread asking how you were doing! I am so glad you got through the glitch and are back with your bark and your bite! We need you! I'm doing a bit of the jig myself today, don't really know why...just feeling good! What a feeling...I'm embracing it! Love you and good vibes for a great weekend Sincerely (finally slowing way down from) spinning

spinning

#7 Mar 18 - 8AM (Reply to #16)

Hunter

Spinning

I had so much fun! Don't think I would have enjoyed and Narc St Patty's Day! Yuck. He's probablly still in bed with a hang over, Happy Weekend!

#8 Mar 18 - 8AM (Reply to #17)

Happy1

Ideal

I totally agree!! I never celebrated anything fun with my narc and never ever went out for St. Patty's Day! He was in bed I'm sure with his own hangover. Blah!!

#9 Mar 17 - 2PM

Hunter

Thanks guys! You are all

Thanks guys! You are all awesome!I'm haveing a bad all around day ! My mom is back in the psych hospital, my dad is driving me to the bed next to her. Yikes! So Im hear to tell you all, I know nuts! Eh,Chihuahua. Idealk

#10 Mar 18 - 2AM (Reply to #13)

ifinallygotit

Ideal - seasons

First off it is ok to have a bad day and you are one strong woman! Thank you for the support you have offered me - I actually feel almost normal tonight for the first time since last summer... Seasons are such a BIG trigger as they mark the undeniable passage of time. Spring is causing alot of emotional reactions for me too. It normally brings joy: birds chirping, flowers, things turning green and the feeling that everything is coming alive again....but this year it feels different. I have gone through summer, fall and winter alone - I have never been through spring alone - well not in 10 years...I think when it gets close to the one year mark it is a huge deal...we can no longer deny that it happened or that it is a recent falling out...one year is a long time for someone to show how little they care... Thanks for helping me go NC. I still have urges all the time which is insane. he deserted me...I hope you are able to let this time pass...at least you know that contact will make you feel worse... By the way, my mother is a crazy N too - does not help to have no maternal figure to ever turn to in times of emotional need...that is why this site is so great! I am so thankful for you women!!!! Have a better day Ideal!

#11 Mar 17 - 2PM

IncognitoBurrito

Ideal

I'd make more dog-related jokes, but I don't think it'd be very effective. :o( I'm sorry you're having one of those days. It'll be okay, just give yourself more time. Be good to yourself.

#12 Mar 17 - 2PM

michele115 (not verified)

Miss K...

For all your "tuff talk" your hurting! That's the answer...feel it...the hell with it...it's okay to be vunerable. The more we fight it...the more it clings... Hugs!

#13 Mar 17 - 2PM

nancyh

Ideal

Sorry you are having a rough day w/thoughts of the xN. Just remember that 1 year ago YOU alone were happy and planning your future - he was LYING, MIRRORING your behaviors & feelings, and feeding on your light, innocence, generosity and love like the fucking leech all Ns are. Get out of the house - call a friend, take a walk or get some retail therapy (I think I hear Neiman Marcus calling you name . . . . "Ideal, you know you want the latest Manolo's/Louboutin's . . . " And please know what a wonderful support you have been to me. Your responses to others and your posts have lifted me from some of my darkest moments. You are AMAZING, Ideal. And you DESERVE the best. Sending virtual hugs your way. Nan

Nan

#14 Mar 17 - 12PM

JMi

Idealk Listen!

Get your running shoes on Get the ipod out - pound the pavement/sidewalk with all your inspirational songs on and the last one you play make it Alicia Keys Wait till you see my Smile!!!!!!!! You've been one i've been following for NC-inspiration - Keep my faith alive that i will be as far on as you soon!!!! xx

#15 Mar 17 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

Happy1

Ideal is all of our

Ideal is all of our inspiration for NC! I know you won't break the NC and it's just a bad day. They will come and go for us but the narc will always have a bad day.......He's messed up in the head!

#16 Mar 17 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

Hunter

Jmi

Oh I'm not contacting him! Not a chance! This day will pass! It's a trigger! I am in no mood to be insulted or told how wonderful he is and how stupid I am!

#17 Mar 17 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

JMi

Yeeahh! haha xx

#18 Mar 17 - 10AM

Happy1

Idealk

Let's think of the positives for a second. You have such a great life and wonderful friends I might add. 8-) The narc brings us down to such a low that we don't even know who we are any more. This is not what you really want deep down, but it's so hard to release. For me, it's almost like my control. It's hard to push past the pain but we have so many "new beginnings" to look forward to without narcs in our lives. And we are so much better off without them. It may not feel like that today, but trust me!! They suck and we rock!! They will never know what true happiness or what a genuine good feeling is like. We do! ((Hugs))

#19 Mar 17 - 10AM

Goldie

Time is the great healer

The first year is the most difficult as every new season and holiday is bound to bring upon triggers. I went through this the first year, yet as time goes by the triggers lesson and the next year becomes a fresh slate again. I went through my first year without him and the memories are more of last year as opposed to him. Yippee!! This will pass and each victorious holiday and season without him is one under your belt. You are doing great Michelle; this is just part of the process and you will soon be past it. Hang in and I hope today gets better soon. Goldie

#20 Mar 17 - 10AM

spinning

Ideal...

I feel your pain! It has occurred to me that this will be the first spring in AGES that I'm completely on my own... ...funny thing, though, rather than re-living the tortured past I am choosing to let it go. It takes a constant effort on my part but I'm sticking to it. You are MUCH BETTER OFF without the disordered one in your life. Shut that voice up! Say it out loud! "Go AWAY!!" They're destroyers. Don't let him have ANY MORE OF YOU. Maybe you could do a ritual or something...write it all down on a piece of paper, crumple it up and then burn it or put on some music and dance around your living room until you really feel it--FEEL YOUR POWER. The rest is HISTORY. Dust. Poof! I'm saying all this knowing it's easier said that done. But desperate times call for desperate measures and lately I've been doing some things JUST FOR ME that have made me feel good, like I'm coming back to life and RENEWED. Let this season do that for you!!!! Love you girl. You've been such an inspiration and voice of reason. This is a glitch. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! Sincerely (finally slowing down from) spinning

spinning

#21 Mar 17 - 10AM

CougarBabe7

Idealk

Sorry you're having a bit of a tough time today honey. Spring is triggering me as well. My exBorderline has a motorcycle and we used to have such good times going on rides with friends, attending bike runs, etc. Just seeing and hearing people riding their bikes makes me sad that I will never ride with him again. Unfortunately, understanding the disorder(s) doesn't make the pain go away completely. It's a process, as you know, and even after more than 2.5 years of recovery, it still hurts me sometimes. Maybe you could treat yourself to something today to make you feel better: a new outfit or a new pair of shoes, maybe get your hair cut, get a massage or buy yourself that CD or book you've been wanting. Treating myself well always makes me feel a little bit better when I get sad about all those lost hopes and dreams. And who knows, maybe someday I'll buy myself a Harley! Be Good To Yourself, it's Ideal!!! :) Love & light! ♥

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