I need help tonight please

27 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 27 - 6PM

Happy1

I need help tonight please

Hi! I've been doing pretty well I think in the recovery process. It's going to be 3 months soon since my narc has moved out. Today, I went to a birthday party in Indiana. I made friends last year when I was on my narcs boat and they are such sweet people and they want to remain friends with me even though I won't be on narc's boat. So they invited me to Tami's birthday party today. I went without really thinking of my narc. I have had a great weekend and I have been on top of the world. So, as soon as I get there her husband tells me that my narc called him last week and asked him if he should remove his boat from there since I'm friends with them. A) I know dumb dumb had no intention of removing his boat. It was his way of reaching out and testing the waters. Probably to see if they were still talking to him. Anyway, this couple has no idea what a narc really is and they are just nice to everyone. They aren't particularly fond of my narc, but they won't be mean to him either. Which is fine. No one gets that he's the biggest dick on earth so whatever. But, my point is it triggered me and I couldn't wait to leave. Her husband was saying he told my narc that we're both adults and when they have me on their boat he knew I wouldn't mind seeing my narc, but if he has a problem then he can take his boat out early on a day I"m coming. Well, my narc was happy with that.
Anyway, I stayed there maybe 2hours and ran out of the house. It's not there fault that narc man called them. I think they're very nice people. I drove 1&1/2 hours home crying and wondering why I have to have so much pain. Why can't this go away finally? Why can't I just not be happy? I stopped taking my anti-depressants for a week and I am home now and popped a pill as fast as I could. I am very weepy and emotional tonight and feel lonely for narc. This whole thing made me miss him. I know I won't contact him but it's a horrible feeling. I don't want this roller coaster anymore. I'm very depressed.

#2 Feb 28 - 3PM

Gina

Happy1

Im a little late responding and hope u feel a little better today. I can relate to how you feel. My narc and I broke up a couple of months ago. (long up/down 5yr relationship) I have been doing well, really well. However, this narc and i run in the same social circle of closeknit friends. And Im triggered with the crying if I see him or hear about him, etc. Sometimes worse than others. I recently got off my antipressant and it was worse then, the weepiness especially. Back on it now and Im better. I have days when I dont even think of him at all...progress! Ive beeen asked out on a couple of dates and told each one, i would get back with them. Enough about me, just wanted to send a STAY STRONG hug and let you know ur not alone on the roller coaster but I do hope the ride ends soon!!!

#3 Mar 1 - 2AM (Reply to #26)

Happy1

Gina

Thanks so much! It is good to know this is kinda the normal process of recovery. I am doing a little better but he's in my mind more than I care for. I think the pills take a few days to adjust again. It sounds like you are making great progress. I think that's very cool! Please keep me posted. Its always encouraging. Happy

#4 Feb 28 - 8AM

helldweller

Happy

I haven't been on in awhile and am feeling very numb myself. I have times when I feel so very happy but that nagging horror, rejection, waste, betrayal, manipulation, deceit, cheating, fake thing is still there. It's the elephant in the room. I still feel like I'm proving I can be happy without him rather than just being happy without him. I still feel like I am being happy to SHOW him. I still feel really really bad sometimes. We were about to literally walk into each other this morning at school and at the last second he turned his head and said hi to another mom. It's crazy how he always, always always manages to avoid acknowledging that I even exist. The invisible feeling is doing just what he wants it to do, I guess: get under my skin, get stuck in my soul, destroy my esteem and my life and future. I said it before and I'll say it again: if you want to kill someone, IGNORE THEM. Good advice for you, and for me. I don't know if you'll ever get to the point where you can be around those friends of yours without being triggered. I get really angry too that I actually enjoyed his friends more than he did, that his friends actually like me more than they liked him. But they are all gone away with him, not me. It's so unfair. Especially to my daughters, who he endeared himself to, shared his friends and family with, his life, his boat, his home: and then just took it all away. Who the hell do these people thing they are? Be easy on yourself. Maybe in time you will feel better enough to be with those friends again. I don't know. ((hugs))

#5 Feb 28 - 8AM (Reply to #24)

Happy1

helldweller

thanks! It's probably a good sign if you haven't been on the board lately right? You know I believe strongly your narc knows how to get to you and is doing those things to be vindictive. I think he's very evil. I'm sure it's not easy to see him and have him ignore you and talk to others. Just know each time he is doing that he's using up his energy to do so. It takes a lot of energy to be a jacka-s-s! I will just see how it goes for now with the couple from IN. It does suck and I wish my narc would move far far away as I'm sure you do too. Thanks! Happy

#6 Feb 27 - 7PM

Lisa E. Scott

Happy

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Michele is right though: "You were psychologically abused and traumatized...that is what is causing the rollercoaster of emotions and it takes TIME... Go easy on yourself, feel what you need to feel, there is no timeframe and nothing you're feeling or thinking is irrational and every feeling you are having brings you one step closer to healing..." Allow yourself to feel while knowing that as you process your emotions, you are one step closer to healing. It does take time, but you are not stuck. I know it may feel like it at times, but you have made tremendous progress. Every step matters, even the baby steps. Be patient with yourself and kind. Pamper yourself and take care of yourself. You will get through this in time and we are here for you always. You are never alone. xoxo

#7 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #22)

Happy1

Lisa

Thank you! I hope as the day and week goes on it is easier.

#8 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #17)

Goldie

There are two theories on this

You are doing extemely well considering all that you have been through with this man and you have been working very hard on your recovery. The recovery process as we all know, calls for us to make some tough decisions in order to break the spell of these relationships with PD's. Some of us need to cut ALL ties and contacts in order to heal and this includes, their families, friends, places they frequent, financial bonds, work ties, ect... For some of us this is the only way to break free of them. The other theory and method for some of us is to become strong and detatched to the point where we can still do as we like and not be affected by their presense or behaviors in our world. This is where it gets sticky. Only you know yourself and what your limitations may be. Noone knows you like you do and where the truth lies in all of this. You need to do some deep soul searching and decide if remaining friends, FOR NOW, is that important to you and if you are strong enough to handle the potential emotions involved with hearing about him, possibly running into him, and what that means for you in terms of your well being and recovery. Only you can answer these questions. The answer may be that remaining friends with these people for now, may be too triggering for you. I personally would find it to be too much in new recovery. Think about this Happy and do what is best for you. Goldie

#9 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #18)

Happy1

goldie

I hear what you are saying and I know I should end friendship with them but they really are nice people. It's so unfair to give up friendships and narc gets to keep everyone in his life. I like them and I know I don't have a chance to see them much since they live in Indiana, but I do know I have a huge potential of running into him on the boat this Summer. I don't know that I can handle that. At least today I know I can't handle it. It has completely triggered me that I want to contact him today even. I'm not having a better day. I really thought after some sleep I would snap out of it. I really am feeling strongly today about missing him. I don't have any future plans to see these people so I will take one day at a time. They mean well and I think they're wonderful people with big hearts. I think I know what I have to do. It hurts.

#10 Feb 28 - 6AM (Reply to #19)

Hunter

Contact him

Contact him ?????NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Your Narc is a Turd! My Narc is Turd too! My dogs are better company! Your narc has gotten to you, indirectly, he plotted this, it's cruel sick behavior! Come on Snap out if it! Idealk

#11 Feb 28 - 7AM (Reply to #20)

Happy1

ideal

I think you were right about the meds. my forgetting to take them has messed my emotions up.

#12 Feb 28 - 10AM (Reply to #21)

Hunter

Happy

Been there done that! I've pretty much done everything wrong during this recovery process! Guess what? In the end it all worked out! Idealk

#13 Feb 27 - 8PM

Happy1

thank you

Thank you ladies! It's just so hard for me to keep it together tonight. I'm going to bed and tomorrow is another day. I appreciate your support.

#14 Feb 28 - 3AM (Reply to #14)

Scoop

Hey happy , i wish i had a

Hey happy , i wish i had a perfectly good evening or day out reuined but triggers , they just hit you straight between the eyes and down you go . I can say that the triggers get better , i just got an email form one of my girlfriends who use to live with the narc in a shared house and in the email she is telling me he is moving out blah blah blah and it didnt trigger me half as much as it would have a few months ago . So time and nc is the cure .. Today is another day , let us know how you feel today eh? Big Love Scoop xx

#15 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #15)

Happy1

scoop

Thanks! I miss him terribly today. I don't think I can have anything to do with anyone involved with him in my life. I want to cry. I'm so sad today.

#16 Feb 27 - 7PM

Steph

Sorry to hear you had a bad

Sorry to hear you had a bad time:( Unfortunately, there will be triggers along the way in your recovery. I am on my to work so have to be quick, but I just wanted to throw out there that if you are going off your antidepressants, are you doing that under the advice of a physician? I don't know what dose or which one you are on, but most require a slow weaning process. Stopping them suddenly, can wreak absolute havoc on your emotional state....make an already unpleasant situation so much worse. If this is stuff you already know, I'm sorry for preaching!lol I just read your post and the nurse in me had to pipe in! Take care of yourself:) Sending strengthening thoughts your way:) xoxo

#17 Feb 27 - 8PM (Reply to #12)

Happy1

staying strong 78

You're very sweet! Yes, I really don't know what happened this week and how I forgot. I know it's not good for me and I will have to try harder to remember my meds. I thank you!! I am having a hard time concentrating tonight and going to bed very early. 8-)

#18 Feb 27 - 6PM

ally2375

Hi Happy

Boy, the triggers come out of nowhere, huh?! Just when you let your guard down to relax and enjoy yourself, somehow he appears, whether in person or by coming up in conversation. It can be quite jarring. I think you were just taken off guard, and that's why you reacted this way. Totally normal. Part of the healing (for me, anyway) was starting to rebuild my life without him, as if he didn't even exist. So, when he "appears," I am totally knocked backwards. You have the right idea with the "he's the biggest dick on earth so whatever" comment. You don't have to let him ruin your night. Remember who he is and try to shake it off. Hugs, Ally

#19 Feb 27 - 8PM (Reply to #10)

Happy1

ally

This has been quite a long night already. Triggers are horrible. I thank you so much for your kind words and support. 8-)

#20 Feb 27 - 6PM

michele115 (not verified)

Bottom line

You were psychologically abused and traumatized...that is what is causing the rollercoaster of emotions and it takes TIME... Go easy on yourself, feel what you need to feel, there is no timeframe and nothing you're feeling or thinking is irrational and every feeling you are having brings you one step closer to healing... It sucks I know but it does get better continue to hold on to hope... Hugs!

#21 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #8)

Happy1

michele

Thanks! It's a long road to stay on. I will keep on my path..... It has to get better as time goes on.

#22 Feb 27 - 6PM

Hunter

Happy1

Take out a picture of the narc, light a match and burn it. To the trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you Idealk

#23 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #6)

Happy1

ideal

It's not an Ideal day.... 8-) I'm hoping as day progresses I snap into a better place. Happy Monday!!

#24 Feb 27 - 6PM

indenial

You've done very well up

You've done very well up until now. Try and be strong. I too am scared that I will be free of him and at some point in the future he will pop up in some way and knock me back down to the quivering wreck I am now. You've gone this far. Try and keep going. So much good advice on here from people who are much farther down the road of healing.

#25 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #4)

Happy1

indenial

Just have contact about hearing of him has really back fired on me. It really does take a long time to get over this. It's very unfair.

#26 Feb 28 - 3AM (Reply to #2)

safyre99

Happy

Happy I'm so sorry for how your day ended... this journey is definitely a roller coaster ride. But something to hold onto is the fact that you were able to have some time where you weren't thinking of your exNarc and you were relaxed and having fun. And, those times will increase and the bad times and days will get less and less. We're here for you.

#27 Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #3)

Happy1

safyre99

Thank you! It's going to be an ongoing battle I see. I truly don't want to give these people up as friends but I can't imagine what I would be like if I ran into him on the dock. Not good I don't think.

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