he got to me

I want to throw up too. He's feeding you BS. Look how he's manipulating you. No wait, I don't want to throw up, I want to punch him in the face. How dare he do this you. Why is he sending you emails? Why are you opening them? You need to set yourself free and NC is the only way to do this. He is taking you for a ride, its up to you to get off. Be strong! Idealk

Hi Fierflie, I really hope you're feeling okay. I totally understand where you're at. =( It's soo hard to love someone so much, all you want is some of that love returned (is it really so difficult??) and it's perpetually, maddeningly, juuust out of your reach. It makes your heart weep in that deep achey place. And it leaves your soul feeling sick, blown-out open, neglected. I totally know. I'm so sorry you're going through this. My ex liked to turn on the compliment/validation charm when he felt doghoused too. He'd say stuff that usually had this standard format (lol); "I'm sorry, I know I sometimes get in my own way. I need to check my insensitivity at the door. I really do love that you're so passionate, I'd never want that to change. I wouldn't want a robot. I hope we can meet in the middle with this. I know I could make you happy if you'd just give me a real chance. I think we should try and lighten up some too, you know I love you. You're all I need and I'm so bummed without you." See what he did there? He barely admitted to any fault. He did so ambiguously. Then turned on the charm. Pointed out a half-assed solution that included me accomodating him, making the adjustments, and laid on a little guilt too by painting a picture for me of poor little boo-hoo sadfaced him. He basically tried to set me up to give him back what he wanted out of guilt. And do the work myself because he's just a hapless guy, just needing me to cut him a break. Please! You undoubtedly introduced him to lots of excellent music but I guarantee you it was said for EMOTIONAL effect. Right before he used that same tactic again, painting a picture for you of himself crying. A double whammy. He's romanticizing it and aiming right for your heart, he knows where your vulnerabilities are, knows you are sensitive and empathic. Grrrr!!! It makes me so mad. It's predatory behavior Fierflie, do NOT forget what you heard him saying about you JUST the other day. THAT is the real him. Not Mr. Weepy sprouts a heart while listening to some Steve Miller Band. He's out for control. You know in your gut that your safety- emotional and otherwise, is not at ease with regard to his intentions. I know you can feel it. Be strong. I'm rooting for you and I believe in you. You'll make it through this.

Why are you letting him have so much access to you? I realize you have business things pending such as the house, but you could require him to relay anything important through a third party. You're allowing him to wound you over and over again. And of course he'll say crap like this, he will try ANYTHING to get you not to sue him. I would bet my last dollar that the motive behind ANYTHING he says is to try to get you to back off the lawsuit. I repeat, ANYTHING. Remember, again, that while he's coming up with these emails he's also emailing his sister telling her what a f*cked up bitch you are. That is his truth, not what he's showing you. What is stopping you from getting a third party involved to keep communication from being direct? Why are you allowing him all this opportunity to manipulate you? I tell you, doing that saved me. I might have lost my mind had I not put that extra layer between me and him. xoxox

You gave of yourself and because you are amazing, he is going to see the good in you when he is down on his luck or supply. This is only natural. They know we are wonderful, giving, loving human beings or they would not keep coming back. The problem lies in the fact that they do not care about us and what is important to us and what we need to thrive and survive. It is all about them once they lure us back. We cannot lose sight of all of their vast short coming when they throw us a bone of appreciation for the good we bring to the table. Yes, you gave him much and he does know this, however, that does not change who and what he is. I'm sure it hurts to hear these things, just try not to lose sight of the big picture because his saying you gave to him is no big news. Of course you did because you are a giver, just remember that he is a taker and we all need more than that to sustain a loving relationship. Goldie

Sigh ..Where where is complements when he was d&ding you . Fi he throws you a crumb and you still think that this is a declration of his love for you . Its not a real declaration of love it is a crumb. We have a saying here and its "we call a spade a spade" now .. you have a crumb so call it what it is A CRUMB ! and Fi its not bloody good enough ! At the momment he has no respect for you you know that and that is why you feel so terrible so you are looking really hard for anything that he may say that shows he has some human feeling , so here he is saying you have good taste in music Well Woop de fucking woo so what , of cause you have good taste in music thats a given . ... Im having trouble explaning what im thinking . All i know is like you my narc beat me up then left me in the most crulest way like youres .Can there be anything more soul destroying than this , they beat us up and threw us a way ... I know what you feel and how that feels .I cant put it into words how that destroyed me now usless and crippled it made me feel . And like youres mine then started the hover , many bleeding hovers but not one worked because they wernt GOOD ENOUGH ! And guess what even if he cut out his heart and served it up on a plate with garnish its still not good enough , the damage was done the relationship ended when he threw that first punch .Its over Fi .xx

My ex lured me back in a couple of times with the, you know L you are a really good person, actually you are the kindest person I have ever met and when you find one like you, you don't want to let them go. And yep, you guessed it, I fell for it hook, line and sinker about 3 times. He sounded so sincere and so sorry. But, NOPE, it was all part of the game. They always have to play the victim card or be the victim !! Trust me, it is all a bunch of bullshit !! Tomorrow there will be another thing with him !! PLEASE be strong, do not call, do not text, do not email, do not snail mail, do not carrier pigeon, do not morse code (did I cover all possible ways of communication ?!?! :] )--NOTHING. You will only end up feeling worse (if that's possible) than you do. It will get better, that I can promise you !! Hugs to you !!

PLEASE don't pick up that phone to talk to him! Just about anything and everything he says right now is going to make you cry and feel weak. I was the same way at the beginning of my recovery! I feel so badly for you girls who are newly into NC and recovery. It's so difficult in the beginning. He's not going to change sweety. His disorder is permanent! The person you love does not exist in reality. He's totally fake, just like the rest of them. Stay here with us & lean on us if you're feeling weak. We all love you WAY more than he ever could or ever will. ♥

It's difficult when you're a trusting person and automatically believe what people say and assume the best of what they could possibly mean. For example, my ex knew how much I love dogs and always professed to love them, too. However, I always found it strange when I watched him with dogs, because he was cold and verbally mean to them. You'd think the disparity would've hit me like a lightning bolt, but in my naivete and blind faith in him, I thought, well, maybe he just doesn't realize how he treats dogs. It took FOREVER before it hit me, idiot that I am, that DUH, he doesn't love dogs - he LIED about that to get on my good side! It sucks when they use something we love to try to manipulate us.

Why are you letting that get to you? Do you remember that everything they say and do is for the purpose of getting something out of you. He obviously knows how to work your feelings for him and he expects you to fall for it because i guarantee you that once you let your guard down he will come at you with what he really wants from you. Don't let him get to you that way. It serves no purpose but his own. Stay strong! You are a beautiful women.