Point of no return

14 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 28 - 5AM

courtneyj

Point of no return

I can't help but fear that i am at the point of no return. I am doing all these things to her better and do not feel like I am getting satisfaction. I have the same dream as everyone to be happy. I fear that I can't let this anger out. When does it stop? What else can I do? Life isn't fair and no one deserves the type of treatment we.on this site have endured. How is it fair that this man does these things and is able to walk away and start anew? I am so angry at him! I do now hate him. I am friends with his ex wife yet I am even questioning that. I hate the fact that I going so far to change my cell phone number although he is blocked. I feel bits of relief. I want him out.

http://survivorofmred.blogspot.com

#2 Aug 30 - 11AM

Carolyn

it is never over until it is

it is never over until it is over. you should hate the guy he is a coniving jerk who spent a lot of time and money making your life hell. Wait until you see how it turns out! he will blow-up like mount St helens. you always had a secret feeling this guy was a phony but he had so much to offer you went for it. you will find someone much better. This is so traumatizing that it seems to destroy your internal life. it does drop a bomb but you re-build. you aren't going to let this totally cruel, abusive loser destroy you permanently it isn't in your nature. I could never understand how my ex-could go on with his life after destroying mine and the answer was he only went on-nothing worked, he self- destructed everywhere, lost his next wife within a year, lost several jobs, and ended up a 60 year old loser, with no money, no family, no nothing. I ended up in a successful business in a foreign country, did well, and have a great life. I never would have guessed any of this. I was so destroyed I never thought I would amount to anything but a wreck! now he is a total train wreck and I am really cooking! Who could guess?

#3 Aug 28 - 6AM

quietude (not verified)

courtney

How long have you been completely NC?

#4 Aug 28 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

courtneyj

Quietude

Since march

My Story: http://survivorofmred.blogspot.com

#5 Aug 28 - 2PM (Reply to #12)

quietude (not verified)

courtney

Still, not that long...I still have my days...mine left in February. I swear one thing that keeps me from really staying involved with thinking about him so much is I'm so busy at work, and super busy trying to clean up my life after the mess he left. Just practically speaking, I don't have that much time to think about it. One thing to remember is he doesn't happily go off into the sunset. We're talking about very vile people here, full of self-loathing, no possibility for true love or happiness...if they say they're happy in their new life, it's a lie. They simply aren't capable. No, it's not fair...and I would have given anything NOT to have been subjected to an N, but now that I have, there has been this whole new awareness that's opened up in front of me. Now I know what NOT to do, what to watch out for, and that I must feel content in my own life before I can trust or reach out to another. I know I depended too much on relationships to feel whole in the past. Not anymore...and for me, that is a positive. Hang in there...keep reminding yourself why you're NOT with him.

#6 Aug 28 - 6AM

justwantpeace

Hang in there. just remember

Hang in there. just remember you are not alone. I have had anger to. My therapist said its ok to have anger and anger can help you process this and get passed it if used in a positive way. Let it to motivate you to exercise and release all that pent up frustration. i can tell you that really did wonders for me. i know this sounds crazy but she also suggested that i sit in a chair and put another chair in front of me and pretend he is sitting there and say everything that I want to say to him. I did this by myself. I didnt want anyone to think i was nuts. also try to journal. write everything in it and get all that out. dont let it build up inside you, it will only get worse. you need to find a healthy way to release that anger. it will eventually make you feel better if you do. i understand how you feel. there are days still that i just want to wipe his existence from my life. but i keep reminding myself if i keep dwelling on him then im letting him have the control he wants over me. its hard believe me i know. i thought i would be free once my divorce was final and get him out of my life. he is trying harder than ever to stay in it. the best revenge is to live a good life. barbara told me that. fake it til you make it. dont let him see you this angry or upset, he will feed on that.

#7 Aug 28 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

My therapist told me the

My therapist told me the same thing....best revenge is to have a happy life! Don't let him control you. When you start thinking about him even angry just DECIDE not to let him have that much power over you. SOme days thats the only way I make it through the day and prayers! Today is day 14 for me with NC. I miss my pretend husband but he'll miss me more in the long run when he's old, alone and miserable and I am free and happy! Hang in there! Its hard a hell, I know! I worshipped the ground my husband walked on!!

#8 Aug 28 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

dolce (not verified)

pretend husband

I was just thinking and feeling this yesterday. I really miss my pretend husband! LOL The one who I thought he was before I realized he's hoodwinked me. Let me just say, I didn't understand the scope of his planned out scheme until I got over the shock of him leaving. My mind had to settle and then the old brain began to click in. I cant believe what I've pieced to together. It was worse than I thought.

#9 Aug 28 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

you will return

courtney it takes as LEAST 18 months to get past the mind control, programming & hypnosis. And you should not date during that time. You were with that predator a long time - as I was with Psycho-Boy. I won't tell you how long it took me but it was a long time because I didn't seek help right away and blamed myself. DUH! Hope you read what I said here: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/27/my-blog-comments-about-my-story-are-welcome#comment-9210 courtney's blog (please read it & comment) http://survivorofmred.blogspot.com Sorry but that's the way it is - stay in therapy. Get medication short term if you need it but 18 months is the gold standard. I hope you've read Lisa's book and WWLP. And keep blogging about it.... dolce - pretend husband? How about PRETEND HUMAN BEING? Because that's what they are. That pretend person NEVER EVEN EXISTED! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#10 Aug 28 - 5PM (Reply to #5)

GhostBuster

18 months

I can comment from my own experience after 1st N...I DIDN'T wait 18 months (started dating 3 months later) and met ANOTHER N. On the same internet dating site, no less. I realize now I was in denial about my PTSD from 1st N...I knew I had it but figured since he was out of my life the PTSD would go away too. It didn't. And when my 2nd N's mask started slipping off, I put the blame on myself and justified his behavior (thinking I was battle-scarred and thinking crazy from the 1st N and the PTSD). It was a major factor in me not seeing that second N was an N. Well, second time around and I'm observing the 18 month rule. Longer, if necessary. Whatever it takes to heal and overcome.

#11 Aug 28 - 9PM (Reply to #9)

quietude (not verified)

online dating

GB, thanks for sharing this story. How terrible that you ran into 2 of these jokers...oy! I'm so sorry you've been through so much, but it is validating to read this, to reinforce no dating for at least 18 months for me either...and hopefully much wiser by then.

#12 Aug 28 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

and NO MORE ONLINE DATING!

And absolutely, postive NO MORE ONLINE DATING. NEVER! http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2007/12/still-think-online-dating-is-ok-read.html http://media.www.crcconnection.com/media/storage/paper572/news/2006/02/09/Opinion/Online.Dating.Can.Prove.To.Be.Dangerous.For.Your.Life-1608826.shtml http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2008/08/match-dot-wrong.html http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2008/05/pick-up-artist.html http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2009/06/online-daters-burned-by-lies.html http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2009/06/another-online-predator-zeroes-in-on.html http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-cheaters-use-internet-to-seek-new.html http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2007/06/dishonesty-just-one-disadvantage-of.html http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2006/07/online-dating-attracts-married-folks.html http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2008/04/eharmony-promoting-casual-sex-hookups.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. B

#13 Aug 28 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

Sandra Brown, MA on Online Dating

GET OFF THE ONLINE DATING SITES AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK! by Sandra Brown, MA You know what makes me CRRAAZZYYY??? Women coming out of TTHHEEE most pathological and sick relationships who don't stop for two seconds to figure out how they got in something SO dangerous and put themselves (and God forbid, their children) at-risk. Instead, they are signing up on online dating sites where predators hang out! She has done 2 minutes (or 2 weeks) of work on herself, but puts her damaged self back out there and guess what... yup --- hooks another one! Then I get 10 page email letters of her crying asking "What in the world have I done SOOOO BADDDD that I keep getting these dangerous men?" HUH????????? Ladies: Game OFF: Time OUT! Here... you need something to do until insight works it's way into your life? Volunteer! Do something positive with your energy and stay OUT of the online dating game (and even the online chatting game). Read any websites that are sort of in the same subject matter: women in unsafe situations and all of our sites are telling you the same thing! Its NOT safe. Stop believing the online dating cutesy ads about the 'forever relationships.' Work on YOU and the rest will work out! In the meantime, go to some great work and give back: http://www.singlevolunteers.org/ and/or http://www.volunteermatch.org/ http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#14 Aug 28 - 9PM (Reply to #8)

GhostBuster

Loud and clear

No worries, Barbara. I'm NEVER going on an online dating site again. Lesson learned...the very hard way. This week I learned a younger woman I work with has signed up on eharmony.com. Chills ran down my spine, when she told me. I told her to be very careful and she assures me she's being very critical and discerning in her email exchanges. But I'm concerned, of course. Trouble is, a very good guy in my office met his girlfriend of 1-year plus on the site...so he's set an example of success for her. I think I'll copy your links and forward them to her...just as a precaution. I'm worried about her...I think she has vulnerabilities and is a bit too wide-eyed for her own good. Then again, I'm known as the office suspicious person and cynic...and I certainly got taken. So no one's immune.

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews