The shadow effect

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#1 Jan 24 - 3PM

jen79

The shadow effect

I just heard about that book, I didnt read it yet, but it just made bham. Thats the answer I was looking for. My sister also mentioned that, empaths and psychopaths are drawn to each other cause of the shadow side (she knows that from the mental hospital she is working in).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfocK7bYkes

I think, thats it, please watch that video, and let me know what you think about it. Is it possible, that the narc is our mirror of our shadow side, that we so much judge, and that if we would embrace it, it could help us to live a better life.

She takes the example:

What is the quality that you most love about yourself?
In my case that would be, being a compassioned, empathic, loving person.

And what is the opposite of that?

Well, all qualities the narc has, being emotional detached, lack of empathy, conditional love.

Thats the shadow side.

How to integrate that now in a positive way?

How could that shadow sides, that you so jugde, could help you now, if you accept them as a part of you? (why doing this, when you shine a light on this, its not a shadow anymore, that you are running away from, so it doesnt have to manifest in a outer embodied person, that you draw into your life, to make you come in touch to that parts)

Well being more detached, more conditioned towards others, backing off with my empathy for others, could serve me to be more emotional attached, unconditonal loving and empathic towards MYSELF.

Wow what a revelation! I will defenetly buy that book, and read more about this topic, I feel there are many parts within me I dont wanna look at, and I am so eager to get rid of, but maybe thats the wrong way. To become a whole person, I have to look at all parts and love them anyway.

#2 Jan 25 - 7AM

jen79

10 reasons why to embrace your shadow

10 Reasons To Face And Embrace Your Shadow: 1. Wake up from the spell of your ignorance, delusions and projections. 2. Release huge amounts of energy that you otherwise expend to keep your shameful parts hidden. 3. Stop living in fear, pretending that you are someone you are not. 4. Start choosing whoever and whatever you want to be at any moment. 5. Recognize that the people who trigger you are mirroring back aspects of yourself that you have forgotten. 6. Remove physical aches and pains in your body that are manifestations of blocked energy or repressed emotional material. 7. Find the gift in each of your Shadow aspects and learn how to use them for good. 8. Admire the greatness you see in others as your own. 9. Manifest your full potential by reclaiming the parts of yourself that you've denied, hidden or given away to others. 10. Finally really get what those spiritual people are talking about when they say "We are ONE!"

#3 Jan 25 - 6AM

onwithmylife

Jen 79

this is a wonderful post, something I had not thought that much of. My Exn always went for women who have the traits he does not, but wished he could have. He went for kind, loving, compassionate, empathetic women, nobody who is like he is.Trying to complete himself yet unable to do so,because he is a frozen human being.He even once said to me",my mother would have liked you."

#4 Jan 25 - 7AM (Reply to #9)

jen79

we are not their shadow though

As deepak chopra sais, everyone has a shadow, if you dont have one, you are not standing in the light. They are not standing in the light, they are the shadow and thats it. Our turn would be now, taking this "it feels like the devil still lives inside of me" litterally. I am now quite sure, we felt so attracted to them, cause they are the embodied shadow of our own, that we suppressed. I feel like already a wave of energy is coming back to me, if I allow all these negative parts I so much judge to just be within me.

#5 Jan 25 - 7AM (Reply to #10)

onwithmylife

Jen79

I realize we are not their shadow, but maybe they came into our lives in such a DEEP way for us to examine our own shadow side. I know I did something that i never would have done on the vengeful side, like becoming friends with his ex wife and showing up at the exchanges of his children, as a result of knowing him and the horrible way he treated me and anger at myself for letting him.i will always say these men came into our lives to teach us about ourselves, they are incapable of learning anything..............

#6 Jan 24 - 10PM

ValiditySeeker

If it's true

Then no wonder they hate us and seek to devalue us. We have all the better, more desirable qualities that they choose not to embrace (empathy, tolerance, kindness, generosity) within themselves. We are breathing, walking reminders of what they know they are not. Too bad they can't simply learn to be nice as opposed to hating us for it.

#7 Jan 24 - 5PM

gettinbetter

I just spoke of this very

I just spoke of this very thing with another member. I have realized that I am the inverted version of him.

#8 Jan 24 - 4PM

Susan32

Only the Shadow knows

Carl Jung was significant in discussing how everyone has a shadow side. It was fundamental to his psychological theories. His mentor, Freud, had the id while Jung had the shadow. Jung said similar things. A pop culture example of this is in "The Empire Strikes Back" when Luke confronts Darth Vader in the cave on Dagobah, only to see his own face within the helmet. The ex-Psych professor was considered my literal shadow. I'd be wearing bright colors-like pink&yellow- and he'd be behind me, clothed in something dark or neutral. After the final D&D, one of my friends said how the ex-P and I were literal opposites- even to the way we dressed. This is very useful.

#9 Jan 24 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

jen79

Susan

I thought of star wars too lool. What do you think, can be a positve side of being judgemental? (thats what I draw in at the moment so much, and I know its coming from me, I judge myself, what could be the positive side of this?) Anyone?

#10 Jan 24 - 8PM (Reply to #5)

Susan32

The positive side of being judgmental

I think it would be- thinking in regard for others, being considerate, thinking of possible repercussions of one's actions, being accountable. Judging yourself can also be called introspection/reflection. It's something Ns/Ps lack. What you mention earlier about not judging the shadow side can be called- acknowledging your imperfections. The embrace of one's shadow side means to simply see you're not perfect, that you're not the center of the universe. I remember how I shocked the ex-Psych professor when I told him that while I hated his behaviors, I did not hate him. He REALLY wanted me to hate him. He wanted me to reflect him- to be as judgmental and condemning. In some perverse way, I think he wanted me to reflect the final D&D onto him. As one of my friends said, the ex-P KNEW his students hated him. Mainly for being a pompous bore. Being with the ex-P on a near-daily basis was like working in a mental hospital, he may have even been in one :0 No wonder I had patience afterwards working with Alzheimer's patients&an autistic student.

#11 Jan 24 - 4PM

prettypeeved

Rejected Selves

Sounds a lot like the "rejected selves" stuff I was reading about recently. As you grow up you embrace certain elements of your personality, and reject their opposites - but they're still there. I would also note, however, that the narc was almost the flip side of the coin to my partner.

#12 Jan 24 - 4PM (Reply to #2)

jen79

thats it, the rejected parts

I always thought, he is a mirror of my dark side, and then I have to kill that dark part inside of me, to solve the problem, it just never came into my mind, that this dark side could help me.

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