Ouch

Here's a question to ask yourself as a "reality check". What concrete, actual THING is there about you that would cause a person to act like such a jerk to you? Come up with SPECIFIC answers. You do XXX, you are XXXXX. That kind of stuff :) If you come up with anything about you that genuinely would make a normal, albeit imperfect guy turn into a horrendous JERKOFF, let us know, OK :D Another "reality check" type thing: if. . .he had actually been mean to me rather than just pulling away and ultimately disappearing without an explanation. So is "being mean" any different than "just pulling away and ultimately disappearing without an explanation" ??? I'd say that is extremely cruel. It is cold and devastating to do what he did. That WAS "being mean" :(

If you arrived at this site and alot of it felt oddly familiar then he's a Narc. Really think about it you know in your gut. Your gut doesnt lie. In the end it doesnt really matter what the label is he is abusive to you thats all you really need to know. She will find out soon enough and by then you wont even care and trust me she will be so jealous of you.

I'm having the same kinds of thoughts right now, trying to stay strong in my stance. I'm not an expert on this, I kept going back to the chaos for a long while, but really- it just gets worse. And worse. I'm so not going back for more. I hope you don't either. I hope no one thinks I sound like a freaking know it all, I don't. I'm just feeling disgusted by these men tonight. It's evil, it's rape of the soul. In some countries this is punishable by law.

....Mandy, I did the same exact thing you're doing. I refused to see him for months, convinced that he had this disorder & he was a real threat to my mental health. Then I started thinking- I'm not perfect, I've been thru childhood abuse too so I know I have some defenses because of that, he's got a great job, gorgeous home, works hard & pays bills so how can he be a pathological, what if I screwed up the whole point of forgiveness by expecting him to help me arrive at closure in all the ways I needed & he did try after all, what if I'm blowing everything out of proportion because it's true I am very sensitive, he's 23 yrs older, and a guy after all...etc, etc, etc. But those instincts you've had do NOT lie. You know, that knot in your stomach when he says; "Just kidding!", and you know he's not. And that awesome thing that always happens after you make up...the thing where the very next time you need him, he's not there & you know in your gut that it's not an accident or an oversight. The cute things they do like mock your voice on the phone or yawn when you're talking but get super irritated themselves if you aren't hanging on every word. So the guy likes to party and you're a little more straight, you know there were so many other things that didn't jive, didn't have you at all on the same page. Your mind is going to insist on playing tricks on you, highlighting every little doubt, having you second guess yourself. He wanted that, he emphasized your differences as YOUR shortcomings. Screw that, girl....I KNOW you are not sitting there thinking that maybe he'd have loved you on a more real level if only you were more of a "partier". Or her. Or more of a doormat. Or more gullible. Or accomodating. Or completely selfless all the time for him. She will wake up one morning feeling shocked and scared, knowing something is very wrong too. This is a dead-end pattern with these guys, it's not personal in quite the way you're thinking, and you know inside that something is very wrong, quite off or you wouldn't be here. Jealousy does suck, I know. But please know that to him, she's just a prop. A toy. Miss Right-Now while he scopes everyday, every way for more more more. You dodged a bullet to the heart, seriously!! Stay here, keep getting stronger, your heart deserves real love, the kind that can be nurtured and grow. Not the fucked up kind.