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Sick of this feeling!!!!!

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#1 Jan 13 - 12PM
Gina
Gina's picture

Sick of this feeling!!!!!

I just want to scream with anger! My boys had a half day at school, so I took them to lunch. And who do I see at lunch with his boss? Yep, we acknowledged each other but THANKFULLY it was not an apppropriate time to engage in conversation, him being with boss, me with kids.
However, I feel all the hurt, anger, sadness of the last few months in the pit of my stomach.

Ive never known him to eat at this lunch establishment! Why today???!!!
I couldnt even focus on conversation with boys after seeing him.

So frustrated!!! Ive ignored him for the past week and was feeling tons better. But after seeing him, god, I feel right back at square one!!!

Also, I almost wanted to text him after lunch. Am I insane???? Yes!

I could throw up! I swear I wish I had never met this man. Ever. Hate him for what hes done but more for how I feel right this moment which is crazy!!!!

Jan 13 - 3PM
fearthefuture
fearthefuture's picture

Stay No Contact

Challenge yourself to stay NC. You win by not texting or calling. Seeing him will slowly get easier, and you will become stronger. Plan a small reward for yourself by staying No Contact today! Doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate....you deserve it!
Jan 13 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
Gina
Gina's picture

Dear fearthefuture

Thank you, maybe I will do just that. He is going crazy now. He just sent emails to my work. Pissed and angry bc I wont talk to him. Had the nerve to say, "do you have any idea whats going on in my f...ing life? I need to talk to you!" I feel fear when he gets like this. Not of him hurting me but just fear. Like he will never go away. Geez I feel so trapped right now.
Jan 13 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Delete,delete,delete, it's

Delete,delete,delete, it's so obvious the game! Turn the phone and computer off. My guess is he knew. Where to find you today! If you respond it starts all over! Call a friend or me but do not answer
Jan 13 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Oh I totally understand

Oh I totally understand that!!! The exNarc and I lived in the same tiny town (population about 300) in a very remote area of North Idaho. Just driving down the road and passing him going the other way was enough to knock me over emotionally :( I ended up moving, mainly because I was losing everything :( but the freedom of not running into him is very sweet. Since this isn't the case for everyone, remember that as time goes along, and you keep hard core NC, you will be able to "run into him" and have a good shudder but them forget about it. Imagine yourself in another six months, or even a year. It's not going to be this way forever. It WILL get better, that's just how these things work. You can hurry this process along if you want. By going complete 99.9% NC. Getting him out of your head by preventing his ability to contact you in any way (except where you can't control it). You aren't alone, most people don't lose their ass and have to go back home with Little Sister like I did :) nor do they have the means to leave the area and start all over again. Just think of your life a year from now, and how much easier it's going to be. Keep your nose to the grindstone. Keep ridding yourself of him, keep letting go.
Jan 13 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Gina
Gina's picture

Thanks B

Im was just about to get off of here and saw u posted. Thank you!!! Im trying to figure out how to block him. I cant take it anymore, ive not responded to any texts in a week. But reading them is too much as well. I do know it will get better. Believe me, Im moving forward, tears rollin, but Im moving. :(
Jan 13 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I'm sorry you ran into him!

I'm sorry you ran into him! Its just the way it goes. What they do to us is just unfair. Look at the bright side, you had two great dates for lunch and left with people who you love and love you back. Go shopping, that help me. Remember NC. Stay strong Idealk
Jan 13 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Gina
Gina's picture

NYC

Thanks, Im a little calmer now. Im back at work but a little hard to focus. Trying to defocus. I swear, the tears are coming. Mad then sad. So much pain in my chest and throat...ugh. Guess I just wasnt prepared or ready for that. but yes, my boys, they do love me, and me them. How disappointed they would be in me if they even knew what happened between narc and I, and how it affects me. They would say, mom, are you crazy, hes a jerk, dont cry over him. But, Ive kept my mouth quiet with all the disgusting details. He was always kinda and fun loving to them, they never saw the things I saw. Thankfully. Hes txtd me twice since lunch. Ive not responded or even read them. Trying to figure out how to block him. Anyway, Im a mess and need to focus on work.
Jan 13 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Gina

Your boys love you and that's all that matters. I have a son too and he would say the same thing as your boys. He's not worth the tears. I'm so glad you have not looked at his horrible texts and hopefully you can delete and block without the pain of looking. I made a mistake of looking a few days ago at a note and it has brought me to a deep depression. I hope your day goes better. Happy1
Jan 13 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
Gina
Gina's picture

Happy1

You are so right, i just went to the grocery store with my 17yrold, he NEVER goes with me. LOL. But tonite when I asked if he would come, he said sure. We decided to buy a bunch of candy and snacks and watch a movie tonite. And of course, I spent more at the grocery store than I should have! Lol. Every time I turned around, he was putting something in the cart. But it was just what I needed to defocus on todays event so it was worth every dime. Think Ill call it a god wink. And Im sorry to hear you are depressed too. Im hoping you will feel better too.