Crazy Narc Behavior

23 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 10 - 11PM

Gina

Crazy Narc Behavior

Ive been reading on this site every day for about a month now and realize now that so much of my Ex-Narc's behavior was simply confusing.

I would appreciate if anyone else has experienced any of the following behaviors that seem to baffle me to this day:

1. Extreme jealousy- When we first began dating, I was flattered by this, saw it as a sign he really cared for me. Of course, over time, it was ridiculous, his entire head would turn red if he saw me even talking with another male. I didnt let it stop as I told him, they are all just friends. Get over it. He has even questioned me in a jealous tone since he dumped me.

2. Unexplained anger- the first year we dated, i took him to a holiday work party , it was a sit down dinner and at the dinner, he mingled with the guests and appeared to be having a good time. Once we left, his mood changed immediately, he was short with me, drove the car faster than usual and took me home instead of spending the night with me or me with him as we usually did. There were other times I never could understand why he was ticked off.

3. Long Periods of contentment, closeness with Narc, followed by short crazy periods- there were periods with my narc that centered around a real balance of love, understanding, great conversations , walks at beach, nice dinners,etc. These were the good times. These are the times that had me in love with this man. Maybe this was the mask but it so hard to believe none of it was real. I'm not romancing the relationship nor wanting him back, its just real hard to grasp. The crazy periods were shorter but intense, he would be exceptionally irrational, argue, become rageful, be disrespectful, these periods would be followed by a few days of depression, sorrow. Then he seemed to balance out.

Sorry for the long note, felt I needed to get some of this off my chest.

#2 Jan 13 - 12AM

aceonelady

New site question...

Can i keep my user name?Can i just login in there or need to make an account?Thanks

Aceonelady

#3 Jan 13 - 12AM

aceonelady

tip of the iceberg

So ladies those 2 episodes was only a very tine chip of ice from te iceberg...now,he changed his phone number too....after 2 years D&D....

Aceonelady

#4 Jan 12 - 11PM

aceonelady

ex N crazy N behavior.....really

Visiting him from Europe staying at his apartment he was in one of his withdrawing everything moods,was angry,(why? no idea)didn't spoke to me all day,playing video games on the PC,unshaved,only in shorts....suddenly,stood up picked up the dirt wash,put on his jeans,shirt and shoes,and went out to do the laundry....This was at 10 pm....5 minutes later the phone rings...it was him...Hey honey what you are up too...lets talk while i do the laundry...i want you on my ear...after 12 hours ignoring me while with me at home....other episode....I begged him to take me to the Route 66...it starts just 10 minutes from his home...he didn't ....till one bloody hot Sunday,he said,we gonna ride...so we did....suddenly he turned on a very nice street and said here it is my grandma's home were i grew up...he slowed down so i said,nice i really want to meet her....he said,no we are not going in,this is the closesst you are going to get from her...and for 2 years talking daily on Skype,also with her ,she wanted to meet me too,thats what he did....Me travelled 10 000 miles to be with him....

Aceonelady

#5 Jan 12 - 6AM

onwithmylife

GINA

I can answer yes to all your comments regarding the Narc. first he was insanely jealous and looked so angry because I had my ex-husband as one of my address for emails, we are still friends and he is the father of my child and that is it. Yet he could tell me once when we went for a walk that he would "like to get into the pants " of a good friend of mine. I called him on that and he got flustered and said it was just" mens talk."his third wife said he almost beat up the furnace guy who was downstairs in the basement, guess what, fixing the furnace!!! 2angerRAGE would come up all the time at the least expected moments and seem to get worse as he got older, now in his late 60's. He went crazy once when traffic was real heavy and slow going to a big city.He would rage or get angry at the least little thing that set him off. to me this is all about his MOTHER and taking it out on her for not letting him separate and grow up to be a loving, considerate man, she spoiled and doted on him and kept him too close to her apron strings and I am guessing his father did not let him make the break properly, from what i have read around 5 years old. He never got the proper love from his mother shall we say.3. We had periods of contentment as well when i thought this guy was the real deal but whenever i tried to be my own person, those were times he would flare up, as long as i went along with him, things were OK. I could never really discuss any indepth things with him, once we got into an argument, big deal ,and I had to say lets agree to disagree, so that shut him up. He always had to be RIGHT,ALWAYS.the mask came off when in 15 years i wrote him a letter asking why the relationship was always about his wants/needs, what about me, it was a kind and caring letter,nothing mean or nasty, and he he devalued and discarded me, the beginning of the end.Gina, i forgot to add something thst now seems funny, he was coming over to my house many years ago, in the mesntime I had a kind,male neighbor with his young daughter who were over, he was helping me change the upstair bathroom toilet seat, the Narc drivrs up and i greet him and the man and his daughter are coming down from upstairs, the N sees them both and gets into his car and drives away, no explanation, no nothing, all of us look at each other stunned!He must have thought in his sick mind i was screwing the neighbor, right , espically with his daughter along!! Nutjobs to say the least...

#6 Jan 12 - 9AM (Reply to #19)

Gina

Onwithmylife

Unbeleivable how so many of our situations are the same!!! I too can laugh at some of the things he did, he would incessantly call when someone came to house for repairs. Or stop by acting nervous and suspcicious. weirdo.

#7 Jan 12 - 9AM (Reply to #17)

helldweller

onwithmylife

Oh, brother. I swear they must go to a narc school or something and learn all the same things. Mine would not let me speak to my ex husband, the father of my children. Well, I actually stopped talking to my ex husband because the narc didn't want me to. Now this was when I was newly divorced and pretty much not speaking to him anyway, but if he even called to talk to my daughters the narc would get up and leave. So I didn't talk to him for ten months. Now this was a real hardship for me, as my ex husband would buy groceries, take care of my car, help me with the children, and fix things around the house. The narc didn't do any of it, not before or after I stopped contact with my ex husband. Then I found out the narc lied about who he had gone to California to see (it was the OW), so I thought, screw this. There I had been, doing everything and raising my children myself to please the narc, meanwhile the narc was off screwing not one but about five other women. So I started talking to my ex again and allowing him to spend time with the girls in our apartment, and the narc went insane, of course. I told him I had no romantic feelings for my husband anymor, and that if he wasn't going to marry me or help me I was going to let my ex give me all the help he wanted to.

#8 Jan 13 - 4PM (Reply to #18)

onwithmylife

Helldweller

thank you for that wonderful laugh I just had when you mentioned that they must have gone to the same school, for NARCS, I love your sense of HUMOR...... don't you just love that double standard, you cannot talk with your EX husband but the Narc can just screw anyone he feels like it, it is UNBELIEVABLE, what they think they can get away with.If only I had a little bit of their, out of control, self confidence!!???? something else funny i found out from his first wife, their oldest son was getting married many years ago and his son said to Narc, you can come to my wedding, if you behave, how is that for a switch, the son having to ask his own FATHER to BEHAVE? Guess what, the father did NOT show up for his son's wedding, he always had to be the center of the universe!!!

#9 Jan 12 - 2AM

helldweller

Gina

Oh, man! Crazy! I will never forget the first time I saw the jealousy. We were totally in love. It had been about two months and he was over in the evening, having cocktails, sitting together, kissing, talking. It was his birthday. He had just turned fifty. I flirtatiously mentioned that when I was in college I had dated a fifty year old man and that my luck with fifty year old men had obviously greastly improved now that I was older. He got up and walked out. He didn't talk to me for a week. He later totd me that he didn't appreciate hearing about the other men I had dated. I felt sooooooooo terrible about it, that I had hurt his feelings, you know? It wasn't long before I realized there were different rules for him. About a month later, he spent about an hour telling me about an old girlfriend of his that he'd met while she was drunk with two flat tires. He heroically changed her tires and drove her home. She offered to give him a blow job to thank him, but he gallantly asked her to have dinner with him instead (yeah, right). I was supposed to be fine with THAT story, as well as the fact that he had several ex girlfriends that he was still friends with that I couldn't meet (turned out they weren't EX girlfriends at all LOL) Bastards. There were also many times when he would just get up and leave. As you said, we'd have a wonderful time somewhere and then he'd just walk out, saying nothing. Several times he was supposed to spend the night but just ended up going home, saying he was tired. I think this is two things: it makes them mad when they see that other people enjoy your company. They hate that. Also, they hate feeling attached to people, so if they are starting to feel intimacy they run away.

#10 Jan 11 - 5PM

Disillusionedx2

crazy making...

Gina, This is the "Crazy making" that all narks do, its part of who they are. The jealousy seems as though it's toward you and whomever, but I later discovered they are jealous of that person, who is likely "N" ormal...they aren't and they know they aren't, they hate everyone and everything because they HATE themselves. It's all in line with an NPD that is them, inside and out, don’t waste too much time trying to figure him out, yet work on it for you, to heal and move on, best wishes. stay~striving

stay~strong

#11 Jan 11 - 4PM

Amazed

Gina-Crazy Narc Behavior

They act like this when they are not the center of attention. They want to always be number 1, anywhere, all the time in a pathological way.

#12 Jan 11 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

Disillusionedx2

good point

Amazed, they definitely think they are THEE BEST and you better show it, like the toddlers they are, they seek attention in the worst of ways too. tay~striving

stay~strong

#13 Jan 11 - 6PM (Reply to #13)

Susan32

Toddlers

My baby nephew (now 15 months old) could replace the ex-Psych professor, and the professor there would have a MUCH better office mate! Yes, my baby nephew babbles nonsense, he does chew on things, he likes pulling books off of shelves- but he's cheerful, smiles, waves, and likes colorful things. Besides, my nephew is smart compared to the ex-P! All his classes would have to do is learn the songs of the Wiggles repertoire. I prefer toddlers to the ex-P. Behavior that is unbecoming in a middle-aged man is forgiveable in a helpless child. And my nephew can make reasonable demands for a toy or food--the ex-P made unreasonable ones. Completely unrealistic.

#14 Jan 11 - 4PM (Reply to #11)

Amazed

PS,,mine did the same to me at functions

He would freak out, and make angry off the comments, and get pissed off about something that was totally irrational. It is called Narc Rage..very unhealthy and destructive..doesn't change, and it is pervasive in their life.

#15 Jan 11 - 3PM

Briseis

This is very good Gina, this

This is very good Gina, this is called "Getting it Out". And yes I can relate! The only thing is though that my Narc was NEVER jealous! And I know he screwed around on me. He never had an remote reason to be, for sure. But that doesn't seem to matter to most of them. So in that way, he was the exception rather than the rule. The rage attacks, or explosions of complete bizarre behavior interspersed with calm and "normal" stuff, oh definitely, that was just life with him. His first rage attack was over laundry. We'd just spent this idyllic day in the laundromat (lol) and then out to lunch, a walk at the beach and through some shops. He was getting more and more agitated for some reason. He couldn't find his house keys, and he was staying in someone else's house, and he was revving up. When I parked in front of his house, a cup with about a half inch of melted ice tipped over on top of his laundry. OMG. This "christian" man exploded into cursing with F bombs and calling me stupid and disgusting and stormed out of the car with his precious laundry, slamming the car doors as hard as he could. We'd been dating for TWO WEEKS. I thought it was over. I was in such shock. But he called me the next morning apologizing, saying "I just can't let this get in between us" and gave me a sob story about how when he was a kid his mother never did laundry and his clothes were shabby and now, poor him, got triggered and he was sexually abused by his babysitter too. Don't need to say that I fell for it and went on for seven more years being at the other end of these out of the blue rages. He stopped making excuses for himself fairly early on, too. He didn't bother.

#16 Jan 11 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

Gina

Brisies

There is almost another layer of sadness that comes with my slow acceptance of who he is, the disorder itself, and the pain it inflicts on all who love him. I am in a 12 step program and have learned a great many tools on detachment and recognizing when a loved ones behavior is sick, usually due to addiction, and learning how to not let it have so much power. I was able to use this a great deal when dealing with the mood swings, his insecurities, etc. But there is an invisible line he crosses and his sickness would inevitably affect me so much that I could not ignore it. Of course, the break up (not the first) was of course all my fault, his behavior changed over several weeks, he was aloof, then bam, it was over for him, said, "hope u have no regrets. I dont." No discussion, nothing. This was end of Nov. As of late, hes been texting, and Ive been reading them (i know, I know), but have not responded for the past week. When I did respond last week, it was useless, turned into a big fight and him blaming me again. So i stopped responding to the texts. Now he seems even more hell bent on seeing me ...today says, "lets just forget about the past and start over" Ha! I so badly wanted to say, "Sure thing, babe, lets just forget your broke my heart and hurt me, and yes, I want to ride your idiot yo-yo once more!!" Still hurts so much but each day is a little bit better.

#17 Jan 12 - 4AM (Reply to #9)

Disillusionedx2

I KNO U KNO....

DON'T GO! These suckers are poisonous through and through, he's going to get you! If you give in...You will be punished, this time it will be worse! No such thing as starting over, that same "blame game" will play out, the end result....TRAIN WRECK! Do yourself a favor and block him or change your number, nothing he is saying will play out the way it would with a normal human being, the alien has something else in store for you...RUN and run FAST! I made the drastic mistake of passing along a simple message about an appointment, he turned it into a flip'n txt war, or attempted to, I quickly cut him off at the pass, oh no you don't, lol, I'm not going, and then had the nerve to text me Merry Christmas, I wanted so badly to say damn right it's merry because you're not around to RUIN it, I ignored him and will continue to do so, only way to go! stay~striving

stay~strong

#18 Jan 11 - 7AM

really

1. Yes - He didn't want me,

1. Yes - He didn't want me, but didn't want me to want anyone else. 2. Yes - The first time, it happened while we were on a trip to Chicago. He was horrible - walked 10' ahead of me the whole time, drove like a maniac, made snide comments. I came home wondering who the Hell that person was! He said he was sick. Actually, he was sick two weeks before that and was not sick at the time. He was also a huge baby if we went somewhere that was new to him - to see a musician that I liked but he was unfamiliar with or to do something that I suggested that he hadn't done before. He HAD to be the master in charge. 3. YES - I had the same experience. Add to your list hanging out with my family down at my parents' farm, taking trips, etc. Each time he would disappear from my life (this happened 5x, I think), it was right after we had taken a trip somewhere together and been very close. He would intentionally create controversy and drama where there was none when we got home. He didn't call me for a week after the last trip and then when I called him all he did was rag on me for not calling him. He dropped off some of my things he had and told me he wanted to go "meet people". He'll be doing that the rest of his life. It's good to get these things off your chest and out there, Gina. The behaviors are so weird to us that you never think others went through the same thing. At least that's how I felt for years. I hope that knowing you're not alone and that these guys are all so similar helps you.

#19 Jan 11 - 7AM

Hunter

Gina

Hello, Start reading a few books, Lisa's is great, I read one by Campbell , And I cant remember the title, I think its when you love a man who loves himself. There are a bunch it will help you. Idealk

#20 Jan 11 - 12AM

Journey

Well Gina

To answer simply, yes. I related to everything you described about your relationship. My exN always waited until we were alone to express any jealousy, so it wasn't obvious to me while it was happening, but he would tell me he was bothered and/or suspicious of completely innocent friendships I have with males, including one or two ex's that I'm still friends with. Unexplained anger was usually the only anger I felt from him that was directed toward me. Like the instance you described, my narc would do something similar on occasions which made no sense. Like asking me to go away with him and then while away treating me as if I was an imposition and unwelcome. These moods didn't always last very long, but they were unpleasant to say the least. Sometimes we could talk about what was happening to try to resolve it, but at other times it was more a general dark mood that I had to learn to accept and side step a bit in order for it not to accelerate. My exN and I also had many contented times and they would build like a wave over days or weeks where we both seemed to be really happy and close which was wonderful, and then a fairly rapid and noticeable shift would occur and unexpected behavior would push me away again. He was a master of push-pull behavior which was more passive aggressive than overtly angry, so blow outs were few and far between, but they almost always meant a complete withdrawal from him when they happened. I began to see a pattern as he'd slowly want to get closer again, but then quite suddenly (when I'd be thinking he was about to break up with me), he'd do something really thoughtful or loving, which threw me off completely - it was very confusing. I knew nothing about narcs to recognize what he was doing and the good times usually overpowered the bad by a long shot until the final D&D. Journey on...

Journey on...

#21 Jan 11 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

Redhead1

This sounds like my ex-narc.

This sounds like my ex-narc. I called it a yo-yo relationship. He would always say he wasnt mad, but ignore me for days on out. I remember when I finally accepted it was about him and not me (approx 10 yrs. into marriage). Looking back now that I am NC, it all makes more sense. Its hard to unscramble your brain when your with them. It actually took some months and this web site after I started NC to see the relationship for what it was. I always knew something was waaaaaay wrong, just didnt know there was a name for him. NARC_NARC

#22 Jan 11 - 12AM

fooled no longer

text book Narc/arsewipe

text book Narc/arsewipe behavior . i found the best times or a good weekend was always followed by an angry outburst or silent treatment. itsbecause their intimacy indicator is beeping. they can do sharing and empathy in good or bad situations they are too into themselves. as for the jealosy thin g they know you can do so much better so they use controlling behavior to frighten you i into not upsetting them. They suck bottom line. eventually you realise all the behaviour makes no sense and u need to stop wasting your time working it out.

#23 Jan 12 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

strongerthanever

Crazy making

After reading many posts here, it is so nice to know I am not crazy! My exN did many things. He wasn't that obvious jealous but, when we broke up the first time and i did get involved with a great man, one who was successful; better looking; good dad; we saw a guy that looked like him while sitting in Quiznos. Well...I thought WWIII started. He was jealous that I chose a friend of mine and her boyfriend to be the parents of my son if I died. He made a snide remark to his family and I reminded him that there is no ring on my finger and we weren't involved when I wrote my will! He would get mad at people on the road but hum and do some passive-agressive driving. He would blow up at strangers if my son did something he didn't like. He would punch the wall if his sons mother was pushing his buttons. He drove crazy with me in the car during the first few months of dating because he was not getting enough alone time with me. Um...full-time parent of 2 kids and had a home and HOA responsibilities since i was the president? Nope...he wanted more alone time and his explanation was so we could get to know each other better. After meeting my friends, negative comments came. Then about my sick mother. Then one of my dogs who I agree, was making the other one sick and I did find another home for her. Was it him controlling that or really being honest and showing me i needed to make a change? What was his motive? At times, it felt like we were really connecting, really in love, he was in love with me, wanted a life with me and then out of the blue, he got cold, distant. Only to find out, someone else caught his eye at work. He then turned to the OW to get the conversation that was missing with us. I found it hard to talk to a on edge guy, suffering from major depression, who compared me to his ex's, that would go off and spend time with ex's or "friends" without inviting me or making excuses, talking on the phone with ex's and pretty much telling me to deal with it. Now I know they were his supply. He got off that they were pining for him and thought he was a great guy. They didn't know he was lying and cheating on them too. His anger was constant with his family. I heard stories as the yrs would go by. After visiting the family, he would say rude comments about all of them. Even the in-laws on his brother side. He used to be close to his brother but, many fights and him not liking his sister-in-law because she cheated. Interesting. He chastised her for writing sexually based emails to a fellow co-worker but when he does it, he acts like, oh well, you caught me. i'll move out now. sorry for the hurt and disappointment. That was his response to everything, "sorry for the hurt and disappointment". How can you not have your head twirling after experiencing the ups and downs of emotions when you yourself are known to be serene and nothing really ticks you off so quickly.

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews