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Evil

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#1 Aug 17 - 10PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Evil

Over the weekend i read the book "People of the Lie" by M. Scott Peck, MD.

This book helped me to understand what evil really is and how i didnt stand a chance. At the end of his book he stated, "The healing of evil can be accomplished only by the love of individuals. A willing sacrifice is required."

i certainly feel like i was a sacrifice... however only it was MY soul that was changed and not his. I think he tainted mine--- bc i dont feel like the happy me anymore. I had no impact on his 'soul.'

Essentially, Peck asserts that a good and loving soul can 'help' (ewwww) the narcissist--- however it will not be without harm.... or even complete destruction (sacrifice) of the good soul.

The book was just affirming all the pain i felt during my year with my ex.

I had been feeling like i was a weak person for allowing my ex to destoy the life loving person that i was (I am just not that person anymore).

In another excerpt of his book he stated "Evil is the most difficult of all situations to cope"

Then this next qoute wrapped up my ex completely:
"Narcissism makes the evil dangerous not only because it motivates them to scapegoat (projection)but also because it deprives them of the restraint that results from empathy and respect for others. In addition to fact that the evil needs victims to sacrifice to their narcissism, their narcissism permits them to ignore the humanity of their victims as well."

Narcissist lie to themselves and to the world around them. I am trying to use my knowledge of them to relieve the pain... but dang---- it's not really healing me fast enough! I think of this man morning, noon, and night... i even dream about him! I have to shift into a normal life... I'm sure he hasnt thought of me at all ... while all i do is think of him.

This is why i feel a bit helpless - which is not typical for me bc i am the strong, independent, fighter type. I feel helpless bc it feels like my mind is not my own. I dont WANT to process thoughts about him. I dont want to think about him; wonder who my replacement is; what he is doing; what trips he took her on; how special she feels when he takes her amazing places; when he looks at her like shes the most special thing in the world (all pre devaluation of course).

.. IDK. I'm just venting.
Jessika

Aug 18 - 11AM
dolce (not verified)
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I understand

I felt a lot like you did. I'm feeling better now. Some of the things that helped... -good supportive girlfriends..new friends -church/faith -volunteering at the hospital -keeping only caring positive people around me(and getting rid of the rest) -this site! And Barbaras! -NO CONTACT! He's crazy..stay away! It's like taking a dose of poison! -realizing that my own low self esteem is what got me into trouble to begin with, so I work on that. -meditation, prayer, massage, walking, healthy diet -groups like alanon (although they deal with living with an alcoholic, this group addresses MY issues) -seeking out fun, even though it doesnt feel like fun yet. stay strong..you can get through this.
Aug 18 - 4AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

My mum told me yesterday and

My mum told me yesterday and i will tell you , you will stop thinking about him morning noon and night , soon it will just be morning and noon , then it will be noon and then before you know it a whole day will go pass and you havnt thought about him and then a whole week till eventualy you will say to your self " what the hell did i see in him " I believe this , i know it to be true . You really should try and ease up on your self , just because you knew in a professional capacity that this condition exists doesnt make you immune .You are also a woman who is looking for love . You can not intellectualise love , many have tried and all have failed . Peru x
Aug 18 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Jessika (not verified)
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I cant wait until that hour

I cant wait until that hour or day comes that i am not thinking of him.... thank you Peru. One of the things i was thinking about today is that narcissist are all the same.... boring, cheating, thrill chasing, losers!! I was always BORED with mine. That is why i am so confused that i miss him. Why? He never stimulated me mentally and given that i didnt respect him as a person and didnt bond with him- i couldn't connect with him physically- i found the sex BORING! I remember one day looking at him and thinking-- "gosh... is this it?!?!? We just get dressed up... go to fancy restuarants... eat... have sex. The conversation is boring or either i am sitting there in shock hearing how badly he puts other people down. Commenting on how repulsive he thought anyone with the slightest bit of body fat were or how ugly he thought most people were and that they should get something 'done about it' or how there was no child he has seen YET who was more beautiful than his daughter...even said he felt badly for how dark Halle Berry's baby came out and that it was nowhere near as beautiful as his daughter... or how "unevolved intellectually and physically" that black people are--- HOWEVER believe it or not his last girlfriend of 3 years was a darkskinned black girl and they have a gorgeous daughter together (who he takes care of full time)!! He feels his daughter is definitely better than other blacks or interracial blacks bc she looks mostly white.... then the clincher is that HE tried to go back to this particular ex near the end of our relationship while he and I were working on a baby...despite that he said he doesn't think much of darkskinned blacks-- just CRAZY. I hated when he spoke that way! I think in his sick head he has a superiority over all black people and since relationships for Ns are about power then a black girl would be the perfect choice in his mind.. automatic power. I used to talk to him about his racism and how crazy it was to be a racist... search for only black girls on Match.com (he later told me) and have his profile up on AfroRomance. Amazing that his desire for power and control directly goes against his racism- however he goes for the power and control! I had NO idea he had such disgusting views. When we met he discussed loving eveyone... He probably said all of that bc he knew that was the kind of person that I was. i thought he was just like me. In the beginning i loved that he had such a beautiful daughter and that he was a man who accepted and loved everyone. It nearly knocked me over the day he started talking about what awful people blacks were and making fun of them! I even tried to change his mind about it all... i even 'accidentally' used the word 'racist' (because he was saying some really racist things) and i was angry and tired of him bringing putting other people down for simply existing. He would only get infuriated and say "MY DAUGHTER IS HALF BLACK--- how can you think I am a racist! You don't know anything!" He was SOOOO confusing to me.... so evil! If i would have had the baby we were trying to make he probably wouldve raised our child to hate other races and i wouldve had to fight against it ... he already told me he will require his daughter to identify herself as white given that she can "pass" and laughed about the fact that when his daughter is with her mother that most think it is the nanny. Ughhh why am i even thinking about this crap- it doesnt matter i guess! It was just one of the issues that he and i would fight about and he used to find funny! Glad he is gone. Jessika
Aug 17 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
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Narcs are Evil Incarnate

Aside from WITHOUT CONSCIENCE you need to get & read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (Brown includes Narcs under the Psychopath heading for clarity - she doesn't confuse them with each other) and: http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/10/soul-slayer-psychological-evil.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/10/dancing-with-devil.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/11/they-hide-from-truth-because-their.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/10/calling-narcissists-evil-stumbling.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/06/evil-people-dont-see-themselves-as-evil.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/01/mask-of-evil.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/08/narcissism-and-dynamics-of-evil.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/06/how-evil-hides-from-itself.html There's a lot there for you (and everyone else :) ) to chew over. I truly believe Narcs and Psychopaths are EVIL Incarnate. They are not Human. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 18 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Jessika (not verified)
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Yes Barbara,I actually

Yes Barbara, I actually bought the book women who love psychopaths back last winter. Like i said... i always knew what he was. However i erroneously thought i could handle him... as if my Ph.D gave me some sort of shield or protection... jeez- that was SOOOO naive. Live and learn. NO ONE can be in a relationship with these men. They are built to destroy kind loving souls---- destroy . There was never going to be a loving, mutual, fun, respectful relationship with him. Just cheating, lying, disappearing acts, anger, anxiety (him and me), discarding... then begging for me to come back, etc etc. I now know to stay the -blank- away from these kind of men!! I will check out the other links--- thank you. Also thank you for being so helpful here. The world needs more people like you all. BTW i am glad you had a positive experience with the neuropsychologist!! ;-) Jessika