Hi Jen
Thanks for thinking of me. I veer between missing him A LOT because Christmas is coming up and he loves Christmas, to being murderously angry with him and wanting to hire people to beat him up, to hating the OW, to wondering where his new house is and how his new job is going, to wondering is he going to invite the OW over to his mother's house for Christmas the way he invited me there last year.
I also put all of his things in a bag, including Valentine's card he gave me and all of his presents to me (which now mean absolutely NOTHING, obviously - in fact it would make me feel physically sick to put on the bracelet he bought me for Christmas last year) and dump it at his work reception. I also want to write him a letter dumping all of the toxic shit that he spewed all over me, back onto him. I also want to write the OW a letter telling her what a nasty, underhand, sly bitch she is, how all of her sly behaviour last year WILL come back on her at some point, and how I hope he makes her life a misery.
I will definitely do the bag thing at his new workplace when I find out where it is. I know he now works for Pfizer and there are about 8 Pfizer plants in Ireland.
Some days I STILL can't believe all of this trauma actually happened to me.
So how are you doing yourself?
HLS xx
I know what you mean, sometimes I think the same, how I could have fallen into so much darkness. All this drama, and trauma, it really sucks. I still hope something good will come out of it one day, even if I cannot see it yet.
I am so lala, I have very good days in between and other days where I feel horrible again, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I make small progress, I eat better more often, I dress up nice more often just for me, and I have more and more Minutes and seconds I dont think of him, especially when I do something nice for me, i dont think that much anymore what he would think now about that if he could see me.
Its baby steps. Very small baby steps. I wish it would go faster, I am thinking of hypno therapy.
Something good WILL come of it. You are exceptionally strong, especially having had an abusive childhood. And your other post where you describe your dream of your father abusing you and you pulling a gun on him, and two strangers coming to help you, is your subconscious taking care of you, and telling you that there ARE people in the world who care and who will come to your aid.
xx
PS: and FUCK him and what he would think or not think about what you are doing or not doing! It's none of his damn business.
Hi Jen Thanks for thinking
Hi Hooklinesinker
Something good WILL come of
thank you hooklinesinker