Don't yu ever feel

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#1 Nov 20 - 3AM

no more

Don't yu ever feel

sometimes you just want to Fuck with their minds the way they have Fucked with ours,,,I know NC is the only way to go,,,but every once and a while I get this feeling I just totally want to Fuck his brain up too,,not that it isn't already Fucked up enough.... They have played with our minds so much,,,and left us to pick up the pieces to our lives, and we will heal and carry on because that is what Empaths do. But how do we get back at them for this torture they have put us thru???
I am not looking for revenge,,,,I just want them suffer some of what we have gone thru.....
Is this possible????

#2 Dec 2 - 6PM

Susan32

"It's a trap!"

Sam Vaknin has a post on this- http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistgullible.html The ex-Psych professor was the subject of an innocent prank by a classmate and I. Said classmate claimed he was my cousin. The ex-P drank it up... and was devastated and quite hurt when it turned out, no, it was all a joke and his students were laughing at him. Actually, I had planned to write an article about vegetarians. Had he responded, my response would be a one sentence "You're not famous enough." The rejection was planned in advance. Or how about the old "I love you, I still love you, you were my soulmate" followed by "Ha ha ha. Just kidding!!!!"

#3 Nov 27 - 7AM

aceonelady

No More

Mine told me when i do not call him he knows i am up to something....And he asked me himself to never call him again...they are fucked up....And now i heard he is not able to pay his cell phone bill in time for 3 months,so everytime they shut him down and he has to pay to restart services 13 dollars extra every month...karma is alredy setting in....They will fuck themselves up,they always did and do,thats the reason that most Narcs disappear for a while,they do not want us to see or know about they downfall...I hope he rots in hell and i am pretty sure he is thinking about me and hating me for working out,looking good and being Mondaine european as he called me....fuck him,now is my turn...

Aceonelady

#4 Nov 26 - 10PM

NancyM

Sometimes I think that is

Sometimes I think that is why THEY do it in the first place, try to make us as effed up as them. They hate our characteristics and moral codes we may have, and if they can find a way to force us into a corner, it kind of validates that they are not so bad after all. I think in reality they are already suffering, and the only way they can deal with it is to dump it on someone else to carry.

Nevergoback

#5 Nov 27 - 10AM (Reply to #21)

blueeyes

Nancy

I agree with you, they are always suffering. In times of anger I think of revenge but then I remember the only revenge is to carry on our lives. That really kills them, if/when they think of us. Idk but when they say "she was never supportive or loyal to me" what they mean is we carried on without them and they hate that. I'm not sure they have the emotions to feel hurt by our survival? I know they feel Narcissistic injury but I'm not sure if/when we can inflict it? I have a lot to learn still. Nancy, what are your thoughts?

#6 Nov 27 - 6AM (Reply to #19)

onwithmylife

Nancy M

Your comment raised a great point, i always felt like my EXN wanted to bring me down to his miserable existence and make me like he is. Once he said to me you are always cheerful and hugging people at work and they you, like he was envious of my popularity, we met at work. I think you are so right when you said they are already suffering and trying to bring us down to their level, i never thought about that. They are MISERABLE, heck why not make everyone around them feel the same way, that will be a lift to their spirits!!!

#7 Nov 27 - 7AM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

Being cheerful and happy is the BEST REVENGE!

Because revenge plots designed to spread misery tend to fail... and Ns/Ps get a charge out of it. The ex-Psych professor was extremely envious of the fact that I was popular, saying "You draw people to you. I drive them away." He'd say "Why are you so happy?" He hated my cheerfulness. He wanted to emulate his idol, Leo Tolstoy, who considered his wife "stupid and irritating" when she was spirited and playful. When I joyfully celebrated the birth of my nephew and going to Boston... I let the ex-P know about it. My nephew's father has the SAME NAME as the ex-P's father (the ex-P hated being mocked, so I milked it for all its humor, for what it was worth) Only recently I remember how he discouraged me from going to Massachusetts, what he called the "Land of Neurotic Puritans." So, telling him about my fun vacation to Boston must've fed his paranoia... But who likes being compared to a tantrum-throwing baby who loves his Daddy? Yeah, I did that. Mr. "I Run from Ridicule" must've enjoyed every minute. Not.

#8 Nov 26 - 10PM

mystwoman

Yes, I've felt this way,

Yes, I've felt this way, too. However, xnh is not worth the effort. If I'm going to expend that amount of energy on someone, it's going to be on myself and for my recovery from the damage he's done for the past 16 years. I do have to admit, though, that I wouldn't mind a bit if xnh got hit by a bolt of lightning. I guess my feelings about xnh are similar to the following Clarence Darrow quote: "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Right after xnh D&D'd, he ran home to his Mommy's for 4th of July, and to screw OW. While he was there, his car got hit by not only one, but two, huge hail storms that were spin-offs from tornadoes while he was in the car. I guess that's probably about as close as I'm going to get to that bolt of lightning. I'll take whatever I can get. rofl.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#9 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

Susan32

Oedipus Wrecks

I felt in a similar way too. But I realized that being HAPPY, being ALIVE was better than any revenge plot I could cook up. When someone wants you dead (or at least attempting suicide), nothing says "F you" like simply... living. The ex-Psych professor expected me to commit suicide or at least attempt it (Sofia Tolstoy, the wife of his idol Leo, did so several times).. since I did neither, well, I guess I was inflicting Narc injuries that send them to the ICU. The ex-P enjoyed being independent, free of his parents in New England while he was in New Mexico. For 5 idyllic years, he was across the country from them, free to do what he wished... he'd also complain about kids, how he hated kids for being stupid. He once mocked me saying "Only dumb animals and stupid kids like you!" He was happy that his parents were far from him. He had gone to college where his father was a professor, then in grad school he was in Virginia and New York... not that far from them. Okay, a year after the D&D.... the parents move in with him. To raise his kids. And probably to raise him too. I hope they have a play pen and teething toys for him... because his teeth were seriously decaying and he'd chew on anything. Karma DESERVES her bonus, holiday pay, overtime.... she does more than her fair share.

#10 Nov 27 - 11AM (Reply to #15)

mystwoman

Yep, you are absolutely

Yep, you are absolutely right Susan. Being alive and happy is the BEST form of revenge. I know nothing makes xnh put on his "hot poker shoved up his butt" attitude faster than hearing me laughing and being happy at work. It's almost entertaining. He's SO predictable. I laugh in the lab and tell others what a great time I had over the weekend, etc., and xnh goes into his office to pout. Well, at least it's quiet, and I'm not having to either see xnh or hear his voice while he does it. rofl. I have so many people tell me how much happier I seem now than when I was with xnh. I truly am much happier. THAT is my best revenge.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#11 Nov 27 - 11AM (Reply to #16)

MsVulcan500

Mystwoman,

That is wonderful that you are happy and enjoying yourself. And it's just icing on the cake, isn't it that he gets to witness it. And it's great when friends and family start telling you that you seem much happier now than when you were with him. It just reinforces that you are doing the right thing.

#12 Dec 2 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

Susan32

I kinda had to rub it in his face....

When I started getting published as a writer in a local paper, I sent a mass email to all my former profs (including the ex-P) He was not alone in knowing the happy news that (a)I was a journalist- the profession he warned me against (b) writing about religion- pissing on his territory and taking a #2. It wasn't enough that I was happy without him... but that he had to find out the happy news. Along with everyone else. He was also the ONLY professor who never got a "thank you" from me after graduation. I did a mass mailing, sent them all at once... and he didn't get once.

#13 Nov 27 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

gettinbetter

susan

You are so dang smart! Articulate and well written.

#14 Nov 21 - 5AM

Disillusionedx2

you said it yourself

They are already F'd up, why inflict more damage? The best way to do that is igNore him, anything you do will be supply to him, remember, positive or negative, it's still supply, the best revenge is living well, as soon as he is out of your system, that will be the best revenge, you survived the seige. stay~striving

stay~strong

#15 Nov 20 - 4PM

truthseeker

no more

sad to say, revenge fantasies are still prevalent in my thoughts. mainly posting messages onCL to warn all the OW out there. But I don't and won't, not my problem. I don't think he is stupid enogh to ever show up at my door again. he lives 3 hours away and used to do that alot. My fantasy if he did, is opening the door with a gun in one hand (I don't own one) and the phone in the other and saying" IT'S YOUR CHOICE DEATH OR THE COPS, CAUSE ONES COMIN!

#16 Nov 20 - 3PM

Briseis

Oh totally. Not so much

Oh totally. Not so much anymore, but not because I've become "virtuous" or anything. My life is just back to normal and there are so many other things that I'd rather focus on. But for a while there it was ALL I could focus on. When you think about it . . . revenge fantasies are just MORE thinking about HIM, giving my mind space to HIM, who took so much of it and then shat on my heart. You get to that point eventually, where you just roll your eyes or grit your teeth for a moment and move ON. It happens naturally. In the meantime, it is never going to be recommended HERE that a person indulge their revenge fantasies, or "mindfuck back". Not because they are immoral or because Lisa and Betty said so . . . but because it drags us down to their level and we are trying so hard to crawl up out of the hell of the Narc relationship. It just drags us back down to act out, it goes against the grain of recovery, which is what this board is all about (not him :D )

#17 Nov 20 - 4PM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

Being HAPPY is the best revenge...

Besides, it's legal (TM)!!!! Really, when you put your mind to it--recovering, surviving, THRIVING, being happy and yourself is the BEST revenge of all! It's healthy too- being happy and being yourself. Recovery is the best revenge(TM)(??)

#18 Nov 20 - 11AM

Susan32

Revenge...

This was what actually worked when I had to deal with the ex-Psych professor in person, and yeah, I did after getting out of Dodge without telling ANYONE. Yeah, if he had been my FRIEND, I would've told him "I'm going to Oregon, let's keep in touch." That did NOT happen. Here's what kept the ex-P away, and apparently still does- 1)Being happy 2)Being myself 3)Mocking him The ex-P literally ran away from ridicule. He once said "I run away from ridicule." He fled from the senior skit when a student impersonated him. It was the only attention he could NOT deal with. At the Anna Valerious "Narcissists Suck" blog, a poster said that when you're happy, Narcs wither like the Wicked Witch of the West. Ns/Ps aren't invulnerable;they have their weaknesses. I KNOW the ex-P is profoundly paranoid (thanks, empathy), that he hated seeing me happy, and he couldn't bear being a target of mockery. Ns/Ps love supply/attention... but the one form of attention he disliked, that PAINED him, was ridicule.

#19 Nov 20 - 6AM

fooled no longer

simple answer: You cant, and

simple answer: You cant, and will never get the satisfaction. youll just get more frustrated. Ive tried, they dont have real hearts you see. They feel everything very weakly, if at all. YOu will get no satisfaction this is a game they are expert at and that empaths like us can never play. But God I wish yes!! and maybe one day just one day ill pierce the black heart, but ill know by his silence because you will never know from him..

#20 Nov 26 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

Susan32

Knowing by their silence....

Whenever the ex-Psych professor KNEW I was right about anything, like the time I said I'd never date a man who was married/in a long-term relationship... he simply fell silent. He'd fall silent in class when he KNEW I was right and he was profoundly wrong. In a twisted way, his silence was validation. Or he'd wearily say "you're right" as if I had kicked him in the crotch. There were a few things that made him frustrated- 1)Seeing me happy. He'd avoid me when I was happy. He liked quoting how Leo Tolstoy considered his wife "stupid and irritating" when she was spirited and playful. If I walked to him with a skip in my step, his face would darken and sink. 2)Seeing me successful. He wanted me to fail, academically. I got good grades, I graduated. He trash talked me to his colleagues... and it got him NOWHERE. He got nowhere fast. 3)Being myself. 4)Laughing at him. He said "I run from ridicule." He MEANT it. When the senior skit mocked him... he literally made a quick dash for the exit. I've never seen anyone move so fast. As an empath, I knew these vulnerabilities very well. It's like getting the hologram of the Death Star and knowing where to strike. I always get "what a psycho" when I tell about his enraged response to my congratulations. The psycho in the story... is him. Not me.

#21 Nov 20 - 4AM

Scoop

Ahh revenge , i flirt with

Ahh revenge , i flirt with the idea every so oftern .My last thought was to get a cheap mobile phone and just use it to send him texts, not loads of texts just one every month or so for the rest of his life , i think it would be the same text and it would be this "you have premature ejaculation " ... now the beautie of this is that it could come from many diffrent girls he has screwed over ....I wont do it ... but its a nice thought xx

#22 Nov 20 - 9AM (Reply to #3)

apple

hahahah!!!!!!!

OMG Scoop!!! That was soooo funny!!! I can't stop laughing right now!!

#23 Nov 20 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

desprathousewife

Grrrrr Scoop, I just tipped

Grrrrr Scoop, I just tipped a hot cup of coffee in my lap with laughing so much! :) :) :) :) :)

#24 Nov 20 - 4AM

Scotchy71

Hey no more

I agree, I feel this way almost all the time, but I do know that the best way to heal ourselves AND get at them is no contact. There's nothing more hurtful to them than to lose supply from us, no matter how badly they have treated us. They think they are in control, when we deliver no contact, it's all taken away and it's more than they can stand. Mine used to talk about all the nasty women who dumped him "for no reason" and he would simply walk away and never see them again and be all casual in front of them...but then he said he would cry and become tortured but would NEVER let "her" see him in that state, never "give HER the satisfaction" as he put it. They're tragic individuals who will always be alone...the best thing you can do I believe, is feel what you feel, but know that he IS suffering...imagine living with their minds and constant chaos/turmoil they feel every second of every day - they will never be happy with anyone..let's face it, if he was, he wouldn't be so messed up now. At least you have the ability to feel, what does he have? Imagine only having the emotions of fear and rage to live with every day of your life - they're lives will always be empty..peace and love xxx PS The good news is we will learn and move on from this, they repeat, repeat, repeat the same behaviour for all their lives and NEVER find what they want as it doesn't exist. Revenge right there, no????? x

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