If I hear one more victims say "but they're a CHRISTIAN" or "I met him on a Christian Dating site/ Church"
You'd like my friend Hannah's blog, AG
http://eaandfaith.blogspot.com
This might also interest you:
http://revcjconner.com/?cat=27
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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
My ex N saw the christian church as just one more "club" to join to get attention. His heart was never in. (CAUSE HE HAS NO HEART!)
He "changed" into anything he thought I wanted him to be, Did all the acting. But we would end up quitting because he only looked for women in these groups.
No wonder he can pass me off with the lie that I am jealous and watch everything he did! I was never jealous, but I did have to watch when the next affair would happen. And it always did. And I'd watch these women just fall over him. He had that english accent thing that american women find so charming.
At every store we went into we could never get off the line because he would talk and talk to the cashier. All based on his stupid accent. He loved it! It got so boring, the women asking him the same questions over and over and him telling the same jokes. He really played up the accent thing.
I cant tell you how many times he was fired over this. Moved from job to job because he got involved with the boss's wife. And the women all reacted the same when they would meet me. Like they had my man and I didn't. How easily he manipulated women.
I had a front row seat.
oh the pew sitters!
here you go: http://revcjconner.com/?p=60
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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Where do I start.......i was involved with a man who I believe is a full blown pathological Narcissict. He was so awful. I stayed with him for about 9 months and then spent the next 5 or so doing the back and forth thing. I was lucky enough to get out without too much damage but it still hurts to know I was so wrong about him. How about you?
I swear I think the southern culture encourages men in their narcissism....
As does the church (christian).....
Not that women aren't Ns as well.... but you know, it seems like the way I grew up, the "womenfolk" were waiting on the men hand and foot, the church was saying they should submit to men and the men basically answered to no one. Perfect breeding ground for narcissism.
And many of them treated the women in their lives like dirt... and less.
Hope you're loving your life now Beachcolors..... hope you're soaring
I have been with my husband for 20 years ... I had a lot of problems from my upbringing and was really young when I married. I imagined that I had found a man who loved me and I think he did as much as he could possibly love someone. What I didn't know is that he had no interest in me at all. I was just an object to cook for him, do his laundry and provide sex. I was a mess but got therapy and grew. He however grew colder and more distant and angrier the healthier I got. He would go to therapy from time to time to work on our marriage, say all the right things, charm the therapist, then treat me like dirt behind closed doors. Lots of verbal abuse and the occasional physical threat. It took me 20 years to realize he didn't want intimacy. Dumb me. He just wanted me to reflect his glory as man of the house and not bother him in any way. So here I am.... maybe he's not a full-blow narcissist. I don't know. I really don't care. What I do know is in OUR marriage... he is a true blue narcissist. This realization has given me such a feeling of freedom and peace. What I'll do from here, I don't know. Things are peaceful in our house since I had this epiphany and quit trying to connect with him emotionally. For now I'm just going with the flow
you will eventually need to leave. being with these guys can affect your physical health, too - permanently
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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Is he a narcissist or just plain ole self-centered?
Hi - I heard Lisa on the radio a couple of weeks ago and it got me to thinking about my husband of 20 years.
I don't know if he's a true narcissist.... I think there may be some shades of gray. And he doesn't fit some of the characteristics.... like he's not really an attention seeker and doesn't lie constantly. But he can be extremely verbally abusive and has often told me he doesn't care about my feelings.
The thing is, mainly he just acts indifferent towards me. Last week I found a suspicious lump in my breast and had a biopsy. Waited four days for the results. As my mom has battled breast cancer, I was really nervous and fearful. During the days leading up to the biopsy and after he never asked me how I was doing. Just life as usual for him.
Thank God on Monday I got a good report... no cancer. I texted him, called him at work. He said "that's great...but I've got a meeting. I gotta go." He didn't call me back the rest of the day. I thought something is missing, some kind of empathy - my other close friends are calling, texting, telling me I should go out and celebrate, they are celebrating with me. Later I mentioned it to him and he said, "I knew you were going to be okay." Like it was all about him.
This seems weird to me. On a good day I am left feeling invisible. On a bad day, abused. He is really loving towards our kids though... they are not objects to him.
I hope this site and the information can help me sort through the reality of my situation, so I can understand what I'm dealing with.
To be with some one with no empathy is soul destroying , it rips the carpet from under you , for me this is the biggest deal breaker for a relationship .My narc left me the day i found out my mother was gravely ill . He said "what if your mum gets really sick ,i would never be able to get out then " he also said "there is no good time to finish with someone , the sooner i do it the quicker you can find someone else " .Im shaking my head as i write this , it baffles me .
I feel for you , i bet if the shoe was on the other foot and it was he that was wating for teast results the story would be very diffrent .Your story really hit home to me and stired up feelings that make me so angry and so sad.
I read what to expect from a narc when your down , it said "expect to be kicked "
Leave his sorry arse!
Peru x
That is the right word.... and he gets angry if I find and build solid friendships (with women) and activities that lift me up.
He wants total dedication, but doesn't give it in return.....
I hope your mother is well now.... and I hope that you did find someone... someone better and more loving.
http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/06/28/how-narcissist-reacts-disaster-your-life-0
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/02/what-is-emotional-rape-emotional-rape.html
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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
have you gotten and read Lisa's book? It would help you a lot.
Also click on MESSAGE BOARD and go through ALL the pages - there's loads there about N-traits for you to decide.
The bottom line is ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH HIM? Even if he's just selfish, you may need to leave because after 20 years the chances of him changing are slim to none.
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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
AlabamaGirl,
That is a definite trait of narcissism; no empathy or sympathy. I too have breast cancer in the family, and have had a few biopsies, your story sounded so close to mine. The fear when it's in one's family, and yet the one person you need to comfort you is unable. I also had a lot of work on my mouth/teeth. I had surgeries that sent me to bed for the day, and I got little to no help. He, on the other hand, had his tooth worked on and came home, moaning, "you have no idea..." I am also a migraine sufferer, and if you don't know, it's debilitating. My husband would walk in the bedroom and say, "Are you going to spoil another beautiful weekend? You can imagine what that does to the psyche, however, when he went to the doctor's one day and was told he had atrial fibrilation (not a death sentence), he fainted in the office, the realization that he is not above the human race was too much to handle.
I'm sorry but your message was so funny about your husband fainting, I laughed. I know its not funny, but .... sorta. I used to just think all men had no empathy... but I have since met some who actually care about their wives, friends, etc.... so I know its not a gender trait. So sorry all you compassionate men out there!
I'm gonna read Lisa's book and the rest of the message boards for more info
Alabama Girl,
I know, can you stand it? I was hysterical when it happened because I was there seeing him go down. The doctor must have thought I was nuts. I ran out of the examining room screaming for the defibrilator; I thought he was having a heart attack. One of the nurses grabbed me to calm me down, and later when the doctor walked in to speak with me, I asked,"Doctor, is my husband alright?" He very smugly said, "your husband's a whimp!" (giggle).
Love It! Once when I had a miscarriage and couldn't stop bleeding my ex-N called an ambulance, rode with me in it to the hospital, and then collapsed sobbing into my dr.'s lap! Seriously, he was such a wimp! I thought at the time that it was sort of sweet, now I know that he wasn't crying over me, but for himself and the thought of raising two kids by himself!
He was absolutely awful while I went through breast cancer 3 years ago. The lack of empathy is really just shocking sometimes. I now know that he doesn't even have empathy for his own children. It really is all about him.
http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/08/20/narcissists-and-their-humanity
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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Hi there,
I don't know if this will help you or not, but the one I have just ended a relationship with was very similar. He was not an attention seeker and as far as I know he did not tell me any lies, but he became very verbally abusive towards the end and he said he did not know what "love" was, or what if felt like to love. In fact the very word seemed to baffle him. We had a long distance relationship. It took him a week to enquire about the results of some medical tests I had and he wasn't really interested in knowing. He also said that when I had to go the hospital for the test he would come and be with me, but when the appointment arrived he said he would not be able to come as he would be doing something else that day. On some days he also treated me as though I were invisible and would only address conversation to his son. I had to remind him I was there on some occasions. He is also kind towards his children - but I would emphasize "kind" as opposed to loving - there was nothing in the way of hugs or loving affection..
I would think after 20 years it is probably as bad as it will get with your husband so it depends on whether you are prepared to put up with it or not. At the very least it would appear (as Jennifer Aniston described Brad Pitt)that he is "lacking a sensitivity chip". I
Yes! My girlfriend and I always laugh about that statement.... lacking a sensitivity chip.
He is less verbally abusive because he has had therapists in the past tell him that's its not acceptable within a marriage - but there have been many times he told me "I worked for him" and that my job was to never disagree with him, but just shut up and do what he said. When I have ever repeated those things in therapy, he looks at me like I'm crazy, laughs and says he never said those things.
He openly admits to not being empathetic and one time asked me what I meant by "connect" when I said I wanted him to try to connect with me!
AAAgggghhhh! This has puzzled me for years, until I started thinking, hey maybe this is really a psychological condition he has.... maybe he just can't connect.
Thanks for your encouraging words, Rose-Marie. It's hard to be invisible.... :)
Hi,
I am loathe to write much here because the N's domestic circumstances are unique and he could be identifed so easily. However, I can also tell you that he said quite a few unpleasant things to me over the last few weeks, and when I called him on them the next day he would say that he never said them and said my hearing was defective. I know he had said them. Now I think he was either being abusive or he really did not recall saying them. I will never know now. He also told his son that he and I had "decided" to get closer, rather than view it as a natural development in a relationship. Once we did get "closer" it was decidedly down hill from that point on. Being "invisible" was horrible. He would just sit there talking to his son and totally ignore me, and when I called him on that as well, he said it was obviously we were incompatible. If there is anything else you would like to know, and if I have had experience of that I will let you know.
I can also tell you that he said quite a few unpleasant things to me over the last few weeks, and when I called him on them the next day he would say that he never said them and said my hearing was defective. I know he had said them.
I too remember her telling me statements which she would later deny or even things she stated we did together and never did. So she stated telling me over and over again how I had a “bad memory†which is nothing less then BS. I knew it but wouldn’t push the issues to avoid any “fightingâ€. Not sure about others members but after awhile I got so tired and sick of all the fighting. Anyway, in short they want to control not only you but also; what you feel think and/or even your “memoryâ€...
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
I got so frustrated with exNH revising history I followed him around with a microcassette recorder for a week.
when I played back some of the nonsense - he told me I 'altered the tape' RRRIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT
Psycho-Boy? I don't know what time warp he lives in... the scary thing is he believes his BULLCRAP like most psychopaths do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
I too remember my ex wasn’t a big attention seekers in oblivious ways. My is more what we call passion aggressive in nature with her persona. But I also always remembered that the only time I saw her being happy was whenever she was pregnant. I often wonder why until I saw how pregnant people are treated by the general public. All you ladies with children might remember this. Doors are open for you and you are treated more gently and with more consideration due to your condition. For my ex, being pregnant was a feast of NS for her. I also remember once how she told me “people help other people with childrenâ€. This cause me deep confusion not understanding what her point was. I mean parents should take care of their children, not “other peopleâ€. Not until I learned about this disorder did all the pieces fall into place. She used her own children for her NC and until they grew up and began being useless to her did she just walk away from them seeking other sources for this needed supply. She showed love (fake)to her children but was never really able to bond with these same children. My ex destroy 4 children’s emotionally because it was really all about her. Yes, Alabama read as much as possible here and also pick up a few books on being emotionally and verbally abused. Remember if he can be unresponsive to you now, will he do this to his own children someday?
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
James,
Thanks for the comment.... your words made me think. I can't imagine how painful that has been for you and your kids. I have narc parents too! Perhaps that's why I hunted up a narc husband... felt familiar.
When I read some of the torturous things these people on the message board are going through and the awful abuse, I feel like my problems are small and I am just whining. But I feel like I am learning a lot and growing from it.
Thanks again
When I told you about the 4 children two are mine the other two is from another marriage/relationship. And these two she lost custody of when them were in their tenders years. Yes, very sad indeed whenever a parent is unable to bond with their own children, very sad indeed..
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
alabama girl - christians/ narcissism
Christian Club
paging the N-Hypocrite in the 3rd pew
I will check them out
Go Alabama
My story
southern culture
about me
Alabama Girl
Is he a narcissist or just plain ole self-centered?
To be with some one with no
soul destroying
some reading on 'soul destruction'
Alabama Girl
All about them!
chloe
"Doctor, is my husband alright?"
HIlarious
Incapable of Empathy...
Alabama
sensitivity chip
Alabama
Rose-Marie and Alabama,
revisionist history
Alabama con't
interesting
Thanks AlabamaGirl