Phase 1 complete...

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#1 Nov 27 - 8AM

Sherbear

Phase 1 complete...

Okay, so phase one of "Project Make It Through The Holidays Without Contacting The Assclown" is complete! :o) I made it thru Thanksgiving and now on to phase 2....survive thru Christmas. This will be especially interesting as this is the time when we first reconnected last year. But that's cool, let's get it over with so I can keep moving forward.
Today is Day 97 and I can't wait to say Day 100.

Someone posted the "I am not that woman" ode( I have to go back and look again)....that was absolutely amazing and so empowering. I also like the boundaries and red flags articles. I am going to back to read more in a bit. Thank you for posting that!! I feel like I have trudged thru the cesspool of my life...processing and sorting out and now this is where I am focusing....boundaries and recognizing red flags as I know this will keep me in peace. And I found it interesting that everyone has to set their own boundaries b/c we all have been thru different life experiences....so I will be sitting down with a piece of paper today and will begin writing my own list. That seems like a perfect job for today. I loved reading that ode b/c I feel like we are allowed to be a woman of integrity and decency who is so aware of herself that she recognizes warnings and has the power to act on them with no apologies! FREAKING AWESOME! I don't have to apologize for having limits and walking away when I see potential in a situation to harm me....that is called loving myself and learning from my mistakes! :o)

Anyway, have a great day, I'm off to go write up some boundaries!

#2 Nov 27 - 3PM

blueeyes

awesome

Very powerful post. Gives me some idea of the future. Lol. Phase the holidays. I love it.

#3 Nov 28 - 10AM (Reply to #22)

ewa

I agree, very powerful. You

I agree, very powerful. You are doing great! It is nice to see it.

#4 Nov 27 - 1PM

Briseis

FREAKING AWESOME :D

LOL, it is freaking awesome isn't it :D I would be inclined to look at what the real meaning of Christmas is, for you. And how OPPOSITE it is from having any kind of contact with the Narc. I'm not a Christian, but if Christmas is celebrating the birth of a Savior, who sheds his blood to save us with forgiveness . . . Christmas is a time to forgive yourself, to realize you ARE forgiven. What that has to do with recontacting a Narc who will joyfully CONDEMN you . . . well . . . Or the pagan roots of Christmas. The Winter Solstice celebration. The shortest day of the year (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere). A dark and bleak time, where the old historic people believed they MUST celebrate the light coming back, as if they were affirming better days were ahead. Spring is finally on it's way, because each day is a few seconds or minutes longer from the Solstice forward. A celebration of new life and growth. What that has to do with reconnecting with a Narc who made it his intention to crush your life and keep you in subservience to his revolting ego . . . well . . . :) I love reading your very special "updates", you are like a travel guide through those early-ish days of NC. We really need someone to do this!! Thank you for sharing, really :)

#5 Nov 27 - 2PM (Reply to #20)

Sherbear

Thank you Brisesis!

Your wisdom is wonderful and I love your insight into Christmas and what does it really mean to me. Powerful, powerful, powerful. "Christmas is a time to forgive yourself and to realize you are forgiven"....THANK YOU! And you are right, contacting the narc during this time goes against all of that.....he will chew me up and spit me out by the time he is done with me, despite that I had the greatest of intentions. No, I will keep going forward, without him. I will continue to do what is best for me despite the overwhelming feelings I have sometimes. I can have feelings, I can miss him...but that doesn't mean I have to act on it. And I won't. I am going to post my boundaries soon...and thanks for reading my updates and guiding me to freedom! You rock and I thank you for that!

#6 Nov 27 - 11AM

gettinbetter

sherbear

Where have u been? I need u to keep me on the exercise wagon LOL Congrats on day 97 if I had been strong like you I would be around day 80:( In real life my nickname is sherbear lol

#7 Nov 27 - 11AM (Reply to #10)

Sherbear

Sick of it!!!

LOL!! That is so funny!! I need you to get me on the exercise wagon too!! My real downside right now is not moving my body... I bet you exercise would be the extra umph I need to get thru the rest of the holidays. And think how good it would feel going into the new year...feeling strong and with energy! What do you think?? Does that sound good to you? That sounds amazing to me and I beleive I will make weekly and 1 month goal today too, as I am writing down my boundaries. I already have 18 boundaries written down!! I am not messing around over here!! LOL Let's do it! how do I get your email from Betty? Or can we chat on the new site? Oh, and you are STRONG girlfriend!! A real powerhouse! :o)

#8 Nov 27 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

gettinbetter

Sherbear

You can ask Betty for it. Ill email her permission. Girl I have got to get back to working out! I am not on the new site yet. I dont do well with change LOL but Im sure I will embrace it soon. Geez you really arent messing around LOL. I am jealous! I am not a powerhouse. Im weak which is exactly what got me in this mess but Im hoping to get stronger. Im hoping something positive will come from this. I do know that exercise does alot for you mentally as well as physically. Its just getting off my lazy butt and doing it.:)

#9 Nov 28 - 8AM (Reply to #14)

Sherbear

Okay, I'm asking Betty.

Do I just start a new post and ask her to email me your info....well, that's what I am going to do! We have got to get working out again, I know it is the missing piece and until I take control, it will try to run my life. Well, no more! Keep a lookout for me and will post here when I email you. :o)

#10 Nov 28 - 10AM (Reply to #15)

gettinbetter

:)

Okey Dokey! Im starting the treadmill tonite! I feel like a slug and I want to feel energized again! Are you on FB?

#11 Nov 28 - 12PM (Reply to #18)

Sherbear

Yes

I am on FB....how do I get to you on there? I don't think we are allowed to say names. Yay for the treadmill!! Then I will do elliptical tonight! :o)

#12 Nov 28 - 11AM (Reply to #16)

MsVulcan500

Dammit!!

Thanks guys! Now you're making me feel like I have to get back on the treadmill too!! :-)

#13 Nov 28 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

Sherbear

Come on!

Come one Ms. Vulcan...we'll make it a party!!! I need accountability!

#14 Nov 27 - 11AM (Reply to #11)

MsVulcan500

18 Boundaries!

18 boundaries already!! You're right, you are not messing around! Boundaries is my weakest link. I have always been a "people pleaser" and while most don't take advantage of that, you know what types will. This is the one area where I really need to step it up. No normal person will be upset with you if you decline an offer if you already have plans. But a narc will. Keep working on those boundaries, they will help you so much in the long run.

#15 Nov 27 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

Sherbear

Ms. Vulcan!

I was laughing when I was writing them b/c I was like, goodness...noone stands a chance with me anymore....but that's not true...only the narcs don't stand a chance with me anymore! Normal people will be fine!! It's interesting b/c I am taking each toxic relationship and looking at it and writing down what I won't accept anymore from it....then I move to another relationship and do it again! Wow, it is really quite powerful! I am taking back myself...I wasn't ready to do this for 8 months now...but today I was ready. Another step forward!!! Lessons, lessons, lessons! It feels freaking great!!!

#16 Nov 27 - 10AM

Sherbear

Leah...

You are so strong!! You may not see it right now, but I see it and so does everyone else! Your insight into your relationship is so enlightening and so amazing. Good for you for going to that place and processing so that you don't go that route again. You are just in a sucky period right now. I promise there are better days and peace around the corner. you can't do what you are choosing to do and not come out different on the other end. Keep your chin up and keep going one day at a time. Thank you for your post and keep sharing!

#17 Nov 28 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

Leah

Sherbear, I re-read your post

and it's really inspiring. I look forward to feeling happy with NC, like you. Right now I'm still very sad, and NC is hard for me. Today is 11 weeks. I too will see holidays as phases to get through. One day at a time. Thanks again for your post, Leah

#18 Nov 28 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

MsVulcan500

Leah,

You are just about a year behind me, and last year I felt very much the way you do. Just like you say, take it one day at a time. You will get through this. Just keep remembering how he actually ruined the holidays. And you know he did, they all do. :) I promise if you stay NC for the next year you will feel much better for the next holiday season. I won't tell you he won't be on your mind, but you will be less obsessed with what he is doing, where he is going, who he is with, and concentrating on what YOU are doing, where YOU are going, and who YOU are spending your time with. I know it's a long tough road, and I'm still traveling it myself. But I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I just keep moving toward it. Just keep moving forward and you will see . . .

#19 Nov 28 - 11AM (Reply to #8)

Leah

Thanks, MSVulcan

I'm trying to breathe. It's hard. Today & tomorrow I have to finish my grad school application (going back to school at 38!)...and it's been hard for me to focus. I know I'll get it done. It's just hard. I keep taking crying breaks. Nights & weekends are the worst for me. I still can't believe he cut me out of his life like that, is already on to romancing another woman, and will never contact me again. I know it's a blessing he left me. But I still miss the 'nice guy.' I know it means I have a lot of self-esteem building to do. I posted a new thread about crossing boundaries. If you have a chance to read it, it'd be good to hear what you think. Right now I don't seem to have a grasp on when I've crossed ex-N's boundaries. I have a feelings he wasn't the only one crossing boundaries in that relationship. I feel like I need to take responsibility for that. *sigh* I know, one foot in front of the other. Thanks so much for listening, Leah

#20 Nov 27 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

Leah

Thanks, Sherbear.

I don't feel strong but I'm trying to just make it through the day. Your words and the words of others are really a huge help. I don't know what I'd do without you all. Going through this has been so hard. This board is a god send. I'll keep my chin up. Promise. Thanks so much for your words, Leah

#21 Nov 27 - 10AM

Leah

Thanks for being strong.

Hi SherBear. You are really strong. I look forward to being strong one day, too. You sound great and it lets me know that there are better days ahead. Congrats on your moving on! Getting through the holidays is rough...I'm just barely hanging on. Thanks for being strong. It reminds that even though I don't feel that way today, another day I will, eventually. Thanks again, Leah

#22 Nov 27 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

MsVulcan500

Leah,

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Your other post on the narcness was really good. Now it comes down to if you really believe all of that or not. The more you read and learn, the more you will see that you were merely a pawn in his cruel game of deceit. There is nothing out there saying you were at fault, there was nothing you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome. Except leaving sooner. :) Survival is key. You are surviving. Not necessarily happy, but alive and free. Right now, that is all you need to concentrate on, is surviving. It will get better. Stay the path, it won't lead you in the wrong direction.

#23 Nov 27 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

Leah

Thanks, MSVulcan

Stay the path. One foot in front of the other. That's what every day feels like. And it's the best I can do right now. Thanks for the reminder that it's okay that that's the best I can do right now. I do need to let go of that little voice in me that wonders what I did to have this happen. I don't give that voice power all the time, but sometimes it wins. I have to ignore it. Thanks for your support. -Leah

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