Should you blame the Other girl?

honestly, as bad as the ow in my case was, I can say with sincerity, there are innocent ow, who have no idea, who are sucked in by grand lies and made up scenarios. those woman, i find are total victims. men tell tall tales of horrible lives with their wives and how they are separated and their wives are cruel horrid creatures who dont love them, cheat on them,ect... thats for sympathy, and no the ow can never be at total fault, because it is the man who broke his vows, he was the one who stepped outside the marriage, but like i said it takes two to tango, and in my case, which i suspect is very rare, i dont believe there are many women, like my hN' whore, who go as far as she did, the blatant arrogance and mean spirited cruelty toward me, someone she didnt even know, was so uncalled for, and to this day, i do blame her, but only to an extent, but i know deep in my heart karma will kick her in the ass, way harder than she would ever imagine. her life with him is no picnic, trust me, he rages more than ever now, hes not as charming everyday as he used to be, and guess what, he cheats on her like there is no tomorrow, but she wont let him go, she holds on for dear life, as she is already completely brainwashed, totally. when he d and d's her believe me, she will know karma. and i wont feel bad in the least, not for her, when i tell all of you, how mean she was to me, i cant even express the cruelty, she fought so hard to have my husband, that she stooped to levels i couldnt even imagine in my darkest nightmares. but honestly, as f ed up as my situation is with the ow, i still believe there are so many ow who are total victims and i have complete sympathy for, and i mean that with my heart and soul, and those woman, i pray for, because they didnt do it with cruelty, and meant no harm to other women. so if any of you, my friends here, were the ow, i know in my heart you were sucked in and i love you no matter what........i just know you didnt do anything to hurt another person, not intentionally, i feel that in my heart..........xoxo Jaycee

I'm absolutely repulsed and disgusted xnh's OW as well. She's married to someone, other than xnh, who apparently does not know about the affair. She may (or may not) be his next victim. Personally, I hope OW turns out to be a barracuda and xnh gets what he deserves (hey, I can dream. lol). However, that's all OW's problem now for sleeping with xnh. Literally, she made her own bed. Now she'll get to lay in it...whatever the consequences. When it comes to my xnh and his cheating, HE is the one that I hold to blame. It was his choice to take his little, infantile knob out of his diaper. Whether or not OW was willing, does NOT change that xnh knew that he was buffing the silver where he shouldn't. The person that I'm MOST disgusted and repulsed by is xnh. IMO, he's a complete waste of space. Meanwhile, I'm divorced from him and MY life will be much happier without xnh and his abusive behavior. OW, on the other hand, is stuck with him. rofl.

I agree with Lisa. This topic is way out of control. We have left earth and are drifting into the ozone. Reality check - It makes no difference who the other party is that the narc has taken interest in. It makes no difference what the others parties role is. It makes no difference if they are a willing and active participant or if they are clueless. This information is useless to us. It no longer bares a second thought because it serves no purpose in healing. The bottom line is that the N made a choice to engage in behavior that is consistent with the disorder. The N is being a N. He is the one that acting out. He is the one that has brought you to this board. He is the one that has pushed your sanity to the brink. His behavior, his actions and his abuse. It makes no difference who he has chosen to trap into his vicious cycle of abuse. The OW, OM, Strictly platonic, FWBs, hookers, etc.... WHO CARES. The bottom line is he has acted out, as all personality disordered individuals do. You were involved with a Narcissist lets never forget what that encompasses. He could have been involved with a goat for all I care and they both could have enjoyed it. The bottom line is displacing blame on others for what this individual has done to you serves no purpose, proves absolutely nothing, will not fix the outcome or validate your fragile feelings. But the one thing it does is stop the process of recovery. Being the OW may not be in line with your morals and thats OK. But that's a personal choice and not for discussion on this forum. They have forums for infidelity to discuss this issue. This is not what we are about here. We discuss life and trauma in living with the personality disordered. Listen to Lisa because everything she is telling you is right on spot. Let get back on track. Make your amends if you have offended anyone and get back to the order of business. We have a lot of work to do as I can see from this discussion tonight. Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

I think anyone who was unlucky to be involved with the narc whether you're the OW, wife or married woman having an affair w/ narc - we should stick together and support each other. Again it seems to be all about him. He is a predator and we should do everything we can to be free of him. Seriously, be thankful happy you are no longer with him.

the victim, the other woman, the "comitted relationship" with the same narc Its all the same. It just doesnt matter. They just hurt people no matter what label. Its their fault. Look at the crap the Narcs can stir up and they dont even have to been the room or participate in a conversation.