Highway to Hell

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#1 Nov 14 - 8PM

gettinbetter

Highway to Hell

sometimes Im having these overwhelming feelings like Im supposed to save him from his eternal damnation. I know hes on the highway to hell and hes more than half way to his destination. Its just sometimes I feel like God is saying dont turn your back on him..
Its like a voice I hear inside of me.

I know it is not rational. I know its not my job to save his soul but sometimes I feel guilt that hes going to hell and Im not doing anything to help him as a Christian it creates alot of anxiety in me.

#2 Nov 16 - 9AM

blueeyes

Sick of it...

I hope mine burn in hell daily. I am not a christian, I am a human that believes in Karma right now. I hope he stays in hell for etenity. WOW! I am not even in the anger phase today. I am totally serious, there is a part of me that feels "MEAN" for typing this to all of you. I am just being honest, if he goes to hell, it's his fault. I will be in heaven so I will be happy he can't try to manipulate me anymore. Sorry, I don't wanna offend anyone.

#3 Nov 16 - 9AM (Reply to #28)

gettinbetter

I have moments where I smile

I have moments where I smile at the thought of him in hell but my core belief system doesn't allow me to stay there. I prayed about his salvation last night I know I can't save save him.

#4 Nov 16 - 6AM

jaycee

sick of it i feel the same

I feel sad and almost guilty that my hN is almost already in hell, theres no turning back on that. i wish i could have saved his soul, but he doesnt have one. i cried the other day and said i hope im not around when he dies, as i will imagine his hell to be the fourth circle, where there is no relief due to his infidelities. i dont want to imagine him in hell, but guess what, he has no soul and those without a soul are deemed to hell forever. and guess what, the hell they caused us, they most likely deserve it. sad but true, and yes as a christian, i feel an overwhemlming guilt, but i am not God and I cannot save him, neither can he save himself, mine doesnt want to........Jaycee

Jaycee

#5 Nov 16 - 8AM (Reply to #26)

Janet

A long time ago I thought

A long time ago I thought about this concerning n/p he said, "I am banking on the grace of God and forgiveness". This is truly an area where you have no control. Peace. J

Peace. J

#6 Nov 15 - 11PM

betty2020

Even good Christians can not

Even good Christians can not save these people. This is a psychological disorder and they claim this could actually have a genetic component. They lack the gene that creates empathy in individuals. So unless you are a scientist on the verge of a major break through in science or the all mighty god of power himself..... You can do nothing for him. Powerless beyond all control. Exercise the power you do have. The power of you. It is the answer to despair. xooxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#7 Nov 15 - 11PM

ClusterF

It's not your responsibility

It's his. He is a grownup. Everyone can't go to heaven, good doesn't exist without evil. He's part of the group that makes us understand what good is.

#8 Nov 15 - 9AM

helldweller

sick of it

Boy, I know THAT feeling. The feeling that *I* am going to be the one who stays by him, doesn't abandon him, doesn't give up on him. I did that with my ex husband, too, until I realized that, after ten years, he was taking me and our daughters down with him. PRAY for him from a distance. God can do more for him than you can. That's what my priest told me in Confession.

#9 Nov 15 - 6PM (Reply to #22)

Susan32

Great advice

"PRAY for him from a distance. God can do more for him than you can."-AMEN to that! Amen and amen!

#10 Nov 14 - 9PM

better off

Sick of it, listen... if God

Sick of it, listen... if God wants this man to be saved, he will be saved. I think it's really unlikely that the ONLY person on earth that God can use in this man's life is a married woman that he has already harmed, and dragged in to sin with him. In some ways we start to have our own "delusions of grandeur" about saving these people. I understand your feeling this way, and yet, in the light of everything else you know about Scripture and the will of God, it isn't rational to think that you are the only one standing between him and hell. These feelings you are having are just distortions from being jacked around with by this man. Pray for him if you like, but let God take care of him, one way or another. You need to focus on your own husband and family, and on God, if you are a believer.

#11 Nov 14 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

gettinbetter

sometimes I feel like I may

sometimes I feel like I may be the only one who gives a shit that he's going to hell. What troubles me is that I conceived a child with this man (I lost the baby) Im afraid when I get to heaven that child is gonna look at me and say you let him go to hell. I have often wondered why this man has popped up in my life so many times since the age of 17 Im now 43. Sometimes I think to myself maybe its not him popping up in my life but I in his. I sometimes think God put me there. I know it all sounds so irrational. I know all these things arent rational. I know I cant be romantically involved with him ever again but I know I cant give him my soul. I just want these feelings to go away. I want to hate him but sometimes I cant. I hate what he is but I have a hard time hating his soul.

#12 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #18)

better off

I also answered below, but I

I also answered below, but I wanted to comment on this post as well... how about if you ask YOURSELF why these things are irrational. As has been said on the board before, just because you feel something, doesn't make it true! :-) So when you say "sometimes I feel like I may be the only one who gives a shit that he's going to hell.." I again say, God can handle it. You aren't REALLY saying that you care more about it than God does, are you? Or that you are more powerful than He, or that He can't handle this without you? Somehow I doubt this is what you truly think, so you need to inform your feelings of that. ;) "What troubles me is that I conceived a child with this man (I lost the baby) Im afraid when I get to heaven that child is gonna look at me and say you let him go to hell." So, you are saying that heaven is going to be full of guilt and recriminations? Wait, that's EARTH! lol Do you journal? I think it would be helpful, to put your feelings on paper, and then ask yourself, is this so, or am I just letting my feelings take control? "I have often wondered why this man has popped up in my life so many times since the age of 17 Im now 43. Sometimes I think to myself maybe its not him popping up in my life but I in his. I sometimes think God put me there. I know it all sounds so irrational." As empaths, we like to believe that things have deeper meanings, we seek deeper meaning, etc. And I have read comments from you before, that you "feel" this cosmic connection with this person... but when people are stuck feeling that way, I think it's because they really have not done enough reading, enough research to see that these "connections" are not something special and cosmic, they are TYPICAL for being connected with narc/psychopaths. I think it's important for you to look at how much you maybe WANT this to be true, that this "relationship" has some cosmic, deeper meaning, rather than that it just means NOTHING other than being used by a clever con man. You've mentioned perhaps being "bored" after however many years of married, and maybe "normal" seems less attractive than "star-crossed" in some ways. It's how they reel people in... your stories of what you feel like are amazing coincidences in your life, are really quite typical stories of being involved with these types, and their consistent attempts to recycle people as supply. It ISN'T special, sickofit... it's one of the hardest things to come to terms with, and yet, it might be the key to getting over it. That's why you need to read MORE about what they are like and what they do... and read more about God and what He is like and what He does. You are not the first person to feel like you were meant to be in the narc's life for some purpose of God. I've been there, and struggled with the massive confusion it causes. Only through a LONG period of NC, and educating myself, could I finally see that it was RIDICULOUS to think that God would be "reaching" some user creep by wrecking a married Christian woman's life and psyche to do so. That makes NO SENSE, no matter how we "feel." And lastly, you say you have a hard time hating his soul... well no one asked you to do that, and that is an example of black&white thinking creeping in. (I would say he doesn't have a soul, but I can't prove it really.) Either way, you don't need to hate his soul, or save his soul, or DO ANYTHING about HIS soul.. and this is the crux of the matter. You need to be thinking about your OWN soul, and caring for your OWN spirit, and focusing on your OWN healing.

#13 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

gettinbetter

better off

I want him gone and he is. Sometimes I just recycle these ridicoulous ideas in my head. I guess all they are is thoughts. They not rational and there is no foundation to them.

#14 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #20)

better off

It's okay, it's the result

It's okay, it's the result of their brainwashing. Please don't think I am judging you for it, I have felt some of the same things, I was so confused. That is definitely the legacy of a narc relationship: confusion. I do think if you write them down and then ask yourself, is this true? Why or why not? You can help defuse them. I read the Hunger Games series, and one of the characters gets tortured and brainwashed by the bad guys, and they make him think he hates the girl he actually loves... and after he's rescued they are trying to help him come back to reality, and he's very confused... so they get down to saying "real or not real?" As the plot unfolded, he would have a memory and not know if it was real or planted, so he would tell them what he remembered and say "Real or not real?" So maybe you can write down your thoughts that keep bothering you and ask yourself, real or not real? Like the awful feeling you have about meeting your child one day and having he or she blame you... Real or not real?

#15 Nov 14 - 10PM (Reply to #5)

Briseis

Why not have a private

Why not have a private conversation with your reverend or pastor or priest about this? I agree it IS irrational, but maybe approaching this issue from a religious sense will help you put it in perspective. From what I know, Jesus himself said that "all come to the Father through me" and does not foist this responsibility off on mere mortals. You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Narcs have this effect on us :( . It's got to be part of the brainwashing and conditioning, to make us feel responsible for them in such impossible ways. Pray for him, and pray for yourself, that you are released from this BONDAGE, for that is what it is. You being responsible for the fate of his soul is more like a pact with the Devil than anything holy.

#16 Nov 14 - 10PM (Reply to #6)

gettinbetter

I know this in some way is

I know this in some way is related to the trauma bond. Its so much deeper this time. I know I have to break it. I cant explain it but he takes my energy from me and we're not even speaking. I have a picture on my facebook from Halloween where I have the souless look in my eyes. His look. Its frightening to me. Hes going to hell. I know it. I cant stop it. Its just the way it is. I quit praying for him. I felt he didnt deserve it. Maybe Ill start tonite and It will relieve some the anxiety about this. I know hes going to hell and it makes me cry.

#17 Nov 14 - 10PM (Reply to #7)

Briseis

Sick of it, you are strong

Sick of it, you are strong and free and safe :) You've already done most of the big work. Now, you just have to put yourself back together. I really recommend an indepth discussion with a leader from your church, or from any church. Perhaps confess and allow yourself to be forgiven. Get this burden off your chest. You are a Christian, so BE one :) It's all right there for you.

#18 Nov 14 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

gettinbetter

Sometimes I think Dear God I

Sometimes I think Dear God I have conceived a child with someone who is evil. I sometimes get an overwhelming urge to go exfoliate my skin. I think Im turning into a wacko. I feel sometimes that he has spiritually attached himself to me. If I read the stuff im writing I would say what a freakin wacko. Spritually attached himself to you yeah right whatever! That is what I would think if I were reading this about someone else. When I saw him the first time after 15 years I couldnt look at his eyes. I knew absoulutely nothing of narcissism. He ask me what was wrong. I just couldnt look at him I kept feeling like I needed to turn away. I think I was looking at Satan. I dont know if I have courage to go to my Pastor. Im gonna have to think on that one but I will resume my prayers for him tonite.

#19 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

better off

Perhaps you could pray for

Perhaps you could pray for SOMEONE ELSE to come into his life and lead him to God... but as Briseis pointed out, it's still HIS choice. Some people CHOOSE hell, like, well.. Satan. The most beautiful, intelligent angel chose to be cast out rather than submit to the God that created him, because of his arrogance. That is pretty much the spirit of narcissism. The thing is.. you are still focused on your narc, instead of yourself, and on HIS spiritual condition, instead of your own, and on his future, instead of your future. This is what they do to people... they do attach themselves to your spirit, like a leech. Because you are an empathetic person, you keep feeling responsible for him, but that doesn't mean you ARE... they seek out people who are like us and tap into that feeling. It really is as simple as that. He uses your good qualities against you. I would pray about whether or not you should approach your pastor or not. I do believe you are experiencing spiritual bondage from this situation, but I would not expect the average pastor to be able to deal with this properly, considering how many THERAPISTS don't even get it. Pray on it, because you might have someone wonderful available to you that could help and you don't want to miss out on that, but if he isn't equipped, than ask God to SHOW you who could help you. Pray for YOURSELF, sickofit, pray for your own guidance and help... please, please try to stop centering your thoughts and now your prayer life on this evil narcissist.

#20 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #11)

gettinbetter

I am choosing to save

I am choosing to save myself. I actually have been doing much better. I had a lovely weekend with my family. It seems sometimes Sunday Nights are little difficult for me. He cant have my soul. I wont allow it. Hes gotta fight for himself. I pray someone will come into his life. It cant be me. It just cant. I want to get back to enjoying my life, my family, and my friends. you know I was thinking the Narcs always take the easy lazy way. They always chose greed. They have no sense of persepective. He choses to engage in greedy self serving behavior wanting immediate gratification. He cant even comprehend or look ahead to his eternal life. He lives for right now and what he cant get now this second this moment. It really is sad

#21 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #12)

better off

Kind of like Esau selling

Kind of like Esau selling his birthright for a bowl of stew... and then when he had to face that, he cried and begged, but the blessing had already been given to another. It is sad, but those people will have no one to blame but themselves.... After sucking me in with his pretend "searching for God" act, and depending on me and me alone to help him, my narc of course dumped me, and later said things like, man just invented God. He says that because he will never bow his knee. The funny thing is remembering him being so haughty about atheism and saying he couldn't believe in a fantasy just to make himself feel better, and it be nice to believe in Santa Claus but that isn't real either. I mean, the irony of this statement!!! His WHOLE LIFE is a fantasy just to make himself feel better! Believing in God is a pretty small leap compared to the things he pretends every day.

#22 Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #16)

gettinbetter

Today I choose heaven! I'm

Today I choose heaven! I'm leaving my wonder woman cape at home. Ya know the cape that I think gives me special powers and ability to save his soul (eyes rolling). I opted to wear my favorite black leather jacket and some fabulous new boots. I never really liked that cape anyway :)

#23 Nov 15 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

Susan32

Strange synchronicity...

Since I'm a journalist, I recently got a cool 3D/hologram Wonder Woman notebook(!!!) Wonder Woman is MY kind of gal!

#24 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #14)

loveofmylife

better off and sickofit

I miss you so much! Your comment above is just one more example of how much these guys are alike.... "The funny thing is remembering him being so haughty about atheism and saying he couldn't believe in a fantasy just to make himself feel better" Yep, when after 22 years, my N, during D&D finally revealed he was really an atheist. And he was so "haughty" about it, like you say. Like I was foolish and juvenile believing there was a God and he couldn't believe that my intelligence would allow me to believe in God. And he really put me down for my beliefs, when he has know for 20+ years that I was a Christian. Now, all of a sudden, that was an issue and he thought I was foolish. And mine too said that he doesn't believe in "wishful thinking or fantasy" and just like yours he believed that only weak people believed in God because they needed God in their lives. I couldn't believe it. And that was pretty much the same day when he told his other married emotional lover that i asked him to marry him that day. Talk about being in fantasy land. Oh - MY - GOD! And its not like he was searching. He believed that HE WAS RIGHT! And it was interesting how I didn't judge him at all, but he judged me. So sickofit...I bought him the book "Case for the Creator" to read and didn't push it at all. Just said that I'd at least love it if he would read it, and to let me know if he wanted to talk about it afterwards, becuase I too felt like maybe i was put in his life to bring him to God; and maybe that was the only reason that he has continually come into my life for 22 years; at least after D&D, it was the only logical reason I could think of. So he read it, and here was the result of the little 2-faced Narc: 1. To me, he told me it was stupid and he couldn't believe that I could believe such things. That he believed life came from the primordial soup and that that made WAY more sense to him than God. there was not point in discussing it with him, because he was SURE OF IT; and I was just living in a delusional fantasy world. 2. To the new dates he was luring on Match.com? well, if they were Christians, he would impress them by the fact that he read this book and was really into the spirituality of it. (of course he didn't mention that the book was given to him by a lifelong friend that he just D&D'd and ridiculed for believing in God). So I guess I contributed to his delinquency by giving him more fodder to lure in other Christian women. He could convincingly lure them into believing that he believed in God. Until of course, they become close and he needs to D&D them....and then the truth will come out!

#25 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #15)

gettinbetter

all I can say is...

Hope he likes it hot! :)

#26 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

gettinbetter

I know its all related to

I know its all related to the trauma bond as this time around he has really poisioned my mind. Round one it was nothing like this. I was sad, depressed the usual stuff but I never felt he was in my mind like this. I have read that when these bonds resurface they deepen thats why he's gotta go. I cant afford for this to get any worse. I actually have been feeling a bit better enjoying some activties with my family this weekend.

#27 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #10)

better off

One of the things that

One of the things that helped set me free and get perspective again, was a Bible study that I did by myself, by Beth Moore. It's called... Breaking Free. :-) It was really astonishing how much God opened my eyes through that process... especially about my own idolatry of this damn narcissist. It was very uplifting and cleansing.

#28 Nov 14 - 9PM

NancyM

Going to hell

I think we all do that at some stage in the Narc relationship. We sometimes get a glimpse of that scared little boy inside and think to ourselves, if only I could reach him. But the Narc's defenses are so well constructed and rigid that there is NO WAY of breaking through it. The only guarantee is the more you try, the closer you will follow him on that journey to hell. As in reflecting what is really required here, you are seeing the need for him to reach his inner self, so the reflection is actually saying what you need to do for yourself. Does this make sense?

Nevergoback

#29 Nov 14 - 9PM

jen79

Me too

and I tried hun. The suffi said he will die early, I told him not directly what he said, that he is evil, and god will put justice on him. But did it help? No. Its their job, we cannot help them hun. I scared mine to death and still he did the same shit he did. Save yourself! From him.

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